Sometimes... Nothing but First Place Counts

I'm still waiting to hear about that job.
The job I was supposed to hear about on Monday.
Called them on Tuesday and was told they are still deciding and that I'm one of the reasons it's so difficult to decide.

I got a call today saying I'm definitely in the top three - out of the 16 people they interviewed.
They had a few more questions for me. I answered. And now I wait some more.

I can't stand it.
I get that a lot. "You're in the top 2 or 3 candidates."

Well, my friend - that's nice but it really doesn't matter unless I'm Number One!
Second place in the Olympics is still an accomplishment.
Second place for a job - there isn't even a consolation prize.

Hoping to know by the end of the day Monday.

A Society that Supports Evil

I really don't want to be political here on my blog - but some things are just too important to ignore.

My greatest concern stemming from this election is the fate of unwanted children.

Barack Obama's stance on Abortion rights is the most liberal I have seen. It's terrifying. He supports late term abortion to the degree that if the child comes out of the procedure alive, he does not support legislation for a doctor to intervene.
Horrifying! See this video Born Alive - please. It's not graphic.

With the Democrats in control of the House the Senate and now the White House, the reality of federally funded abortions is coming closer. (I don't want my tax dollars used for the murders of unborn children! Just because they are incovenient!) We are becoming a society that supports the most heinious form of evil and most of America doesn't even realize it because it's disguised in acceptable wording!

Jen over at Conversion Diary says it better than I could. Please read her post today.

Some folks are arguing about the semantics of the evils she compares. But I agree with Jen, the point is about the evils we as a society excuse.

Evil is evil - there are not varying degrees.

And a society that gives up it's moral compass has no hope. It will take America decades to recover from this evil if we don't start standing up for what is right - now!

And please don't argue with me here about whether a fetus is a person or a baby. I hold that the pro-choice stance (which is not brave enough to call themselves pro-abortion or anti-life because that sounds ugly, they like to sanitize their verbage) only calls it a fetus to cover up the ugly reality.

Really? This was a Surprise?!

An article came out yesterday that addresses an issue I've long been concerned about. It presents a study that found exposure to sex on television shows has a link to teenage sexual behavior. And perhaps a link to the high rate of teenage pregnancies.

The RAND Corp. study is the first of its kind to identify a link between teenagers’ exposure to sexual content on TV and teen pregnancies. The study, released Monday and published in the November edition of the journal Pediatrics, found that teens exposed to high levels of sexual content on television were twice as likely to be involved in a pregnancy in the following three years as teens with limited exposure.

The authors of the study are quick to point out that television exposure is not the only link. Obviously.
But I've always felt that it stands to reason that the portrayal of sexual scenarios on TV shows has to be an influence on behavior.

When I was a kid, our parents watched TV with us. They may or may not have absorbed in the show, but they were in the room and able to gauge what was going on.
When CHiPs showed bikini clad girls on the beach my brother and I covered our eyes and asked mom to tell us when we could look again. As children, we saw no need to oogle half naked people. Same thing when grownups were kissing on TV. Ewww. We covered our eyes.

As I got older I saw shows and movies in which the love interests would start kissing - and the scene would cut to them in bed together - post-coitus.

Now I'm a Catholic girl and I'll admit that as teenagers we figured out a lot of ways to occupy ourselves between smooching and intercourse! I'm not proud of it, but hey - I never got pregnant either!

When I saw these portrayals, I wondered why there was always the presumption that the couple had sex. Especially since the portrayal was usually the first date. (Ha - it's typically the first time they kissed!) That seemed so strange to me. Didn't they talk about how they hardly knew one another? Whether they were going to use protection? Whether abortion is an option for either of them - or if they both plan to keep the other in their lives until that little sperm turns 18 years old?!

Another bit of the article: The bold is mine.

“We were surprised to find this link,” said Anita Chandra, the study’s lead author and a behavioral scientist at RAND, a nonpartisan, nonprofit research organization. “But teens spend a good amount of their time watching television — an average of three hours a day — and we don’t know a lot about its impact on their health decisions …

Seriously? This is a surprise?

Kids used to be sent out of the room when a couple on TV kissed! And now sit-com characters are doing the horizontal on the screen at 7:00pm! Yeah, society has changed!

I remember mentioning to a woman I worked with, that the show Friends (which was new and all the rage at the time) wasn't realistic because the characters sleep with every single person they date. "People don't do that." I said.
She thought for a second and remarked, that yes, she had slept with every guy she had dated.

I was stunned! But not too stunned, she was single with a 3 year old child after all. But every guy? Do you have any standards at all?
My point is, if that is what is represented as reality - how big of a stretch is it to BECOME reality?

Look what is on TV - regular TV, not cable... I don't have cable.. so what I'm referring to is prime time - free for all entertainment.

Friends - I love this show but they talk about sex a lot. They don't show it. The most they show is couples in bed under the sheets afterward. The only time consequences are addressed is after Rachel is pregnant and Ross can't understand, because they used condoms. "Yes, but condoms are only 99% effective." "What?!" Screeches Ross. "They should put that on the box!" It's in re-runs at all times of day now.

Sex and the City - it's in re-runs on regular TV now. They cut out the graphic details but, let's be real. The women are S L U T T Y. I heard a woman talking about watching SATC with her teenage daughter - how they both love the show. What?! Why is a teenager watching SATC? Sex and the City is for jaded single adults like me! Not for kids.

oh... and the worst offender of all -

Two and a Half Men - I used to think this show was funny but it's turned into the most pathetic display of skirt chasing ever to be beamed in the tube. Worst of all, the kid on the show is a witness to it all - and he says things that would have gotten my brother's mouth washed out with soap! and the adults on the show just act like it's funny.
The characters on this show are teaching the child that women are empty vessels to be used for sex. Sex has no consequences - apart from the occasional slap across the face. They make no bones about it. In the first season or two - Alan's character would try to cover for his brother Charlie's behavior - but they have long since give that up.

This show is in re-runs at 4:30 in the afternoon! Is THIS appropriate during a time of day that children are watching unsupervised?

If you think parents are sitting there adding a dose of reality to what the kids are seeing on the screen - you are sadly mistaken!
And that is the greater issue here. Parents need to monitor what goes into their kids eyes and ears and brains. I'm not saying that parents need to shelter them, but at least give them a reference for what is right and wrong. That what they see on that show is for entertainment value and sex is bigger than that.

See Meredith Viera and Dr. Nancy Snyderman discuss the study on The Today Show.

Now THAT's a Friend!

Message on my voicemail:

Hey, this is T

from the background " and S…!"

Oh and S. He’s in the car next to me. We just called to say Happy Halloween late.
We were wondering if you got that job or not. … Any word?

Cuz we think you should move back to Omaha. We think you should buy our house and
we even have a guy we want to set you up with.

So boy, talk about the whole package. If we can find you a job in Omaha it’ll be a tri-fecta!


Honestly, I'd move back just for the house. This gem is adorable! I'm so tempted.
Since it's a bad time to sell - we've discussed my renting the house until I can afford to buy. I've already pictured all my furniture in their living room!

Not So Scary

My Halloween costume:

Get it? You might not be able to tell from the photo but the dress is bright blue.

I admit I stole the idea from another blogger last year.

A certain Courtney went as The Devil in a Blue Dress. I already had the devil details, found the dress on the cheap at a Ross store! Score!

And it's cute enough to wear for other occasions.

I went out with the same group that went Salsa Dancing earlier this week. Yes, including hat guy, er Hot Guy! The bloom has left that rose! He's still smokin' hot but I'm not terribly impressed with his personality. No biggie. He just seems to be the guy who is too concerned that I'm drinking water or soda. Red flag.

In my experience, people who are overly concerned that I'm not drinking or only had two drinks are A) not concerned about my best interest and B) looking for company so they don't feel so bad about their drinking.

Not good signs.

But I will say, he walked in dressed as a surgeon... fake blood splattered all over his scrubs. And let me tell you he looked pretty McDreamy (overlooking the blood of course). But I had to laugh, here he was dressed as a doctor or surgeon - with his only prop being tongue depressors. Pretty funny. How do you get so covered in blood if all you're doing is checking for Strep Throat?!?!

Update: I shared the tongue depressor observation with the fabulous Kimberly who remarked, "What? Do you rip out kid's tonsils with your fist?!" Oh I wish I were as quick witted!!!

Have Mercy!

Oh my.

I just spent the evening learning to Salsa dance with a crazy hot guy.
No, the guy is not crazy. He is crazy hot!

I actually met him on Sunday.
My friends made sure I went to a party so that I’d get out of the house and get back in the scene. Another girlfriend learned of my new single status at the party – and invited me to Salsa lessons for Wednesday night, again – to make sure I’m OUT there.

Then, just before the party ended I got to talk with a cute guy I’d been eyeing. He was wearing an interesting hat. Not many guys can pull that off. He was kind and interesting. Then another friend pulled me away from him - in a panic about her missing leather jacket.

Wednesday morning, I got a phone call inquiring as to whether I planned to go to Salsa lessons that night. I wasn’t sure. I doubted I was in the mood. She named a handful of people who were planning to go and I told her I’d let her know.

As I hung up the phone, I thought… “Wasn’t that the name of the hat guy?”
I was going.

He wasn’t there.

Not until after the lesson.

Then, something transpired that NEVER happens to ME.

He motioned to the dance floor or the water fountain or something, and turned to go. I missed the signal. He was asking me to follow.

Now how on God’s green earth would I know that?!

Oh, by the way, did I mention he’s even cuter than he was three days ago? I mean. Ouch. Dang. And… SERIOUSLY! S E R I O U S L Y.

I was sure he was just informing the group that he was venturing out on his own for a while. And that’s what he ended up doing because I am not used to guys vying for my attention! I can't even see it. I totally left him hanging! Major flub.

Oh. And it should be noted that I’m a terrible dancer. I can’t learn steps. I can’t find a beat or identify a rhythm. I’m hopeless and I’m not graceful. But I did actually advance a little in the one hour lesson. First time for everything.

He returned to the group and we all watched some dancers. I was happy to sit out as my feet were sore from the lesson.

Then a guy came out of the crowd looking for a partner and I tried to look disinterested. Luckily, my girlfriend offered her hand and I was left alone with hat guy, er hot guy. A few seconds later he asked me to dance. And I got it that time.

Off we went.

Maybe my ignoring him at first was a good thing. Made me seem aloof, unobtainable. All that.

I warned him that I was just learning and indeed, a certifiably bad dancer. He said, “Good.”

We danced for the rest of the evening.

And I wasn’t even embarrassed when, after several efforts to spin and twirl me in which I went all. over. the. place. he declared, “You’re a spaz. I get dizzy when I spin you!”
All I could say was, “I know. I can’t do anything small.” But Mister, keep spinning me!

We tried all kinds of dance moves. He held me close sometimes, looking right into my eyes. Making eyes – that could have been come hither – or could have been hey Salsa is supposed to be sexy… try it woman!

But what I noticed was… I was pretty darn comfortable with him. As hot as he is, he didn’t make me feel less hot.

Actually, I had to realize that myself.

When he threw those eyes at me and I assumed it was acting – I had to screw up my courage to throw eyes back, and move my hips just a little more. I had to believe that maybe he finds me as attractive as I find him. I mean… I did look good tonight!

Let me be clear. He is not just incredibly good-looking, and FIT? yikes... does he look good! He made himself out to be kind, and courteous, interesting and intelligent. I'm not a shallow woman. Normally.

The more I screwed up my courage the braver I became.

Now, of course I realize this may not become anything. For all I know, the man is gay. Interesting hats and all. And he dresses like something out of GQ. Impeccable. Seriously.

The sort of guy I always imagined I’d end up with.
I dismissed that vision when I met Mr. Burns… all baseball caps and polo shirts and suits from Men's Wearhouse.

But it was fun for my first night out after the break up - - to have the attention of a man who is truly swoon-worthy.

Yowsa!

Because I Blew Past 100

I was planning to do something special for my 100th post. I'd been watching it creep along - and then poof! I missed it!
This is post 101.

But still, I give you...

100 Things About Me

1. I’m not a morning person. Left to my own devices I would sleep until 9:00am. This is not sloth. I can’t put myself to bed before midnight no matter how hard I try.
2. I don’t cook. Do not mistake this for ‘Can’t Cook’ or ‘Cooks Badly’. I can follow directions like everyone else. I choose not to cook. I take very little joy in it. Too messy.
3. When I do cook – it’s awesome.
4. I’m adopted.
5. I grew up on a farm.
6. I rode horses all my life until I left for college.
7. I competed in 4-H rodeos. My favorite event was Barrel Racing.
8. I’m naturally thin. This does not mean I am fit.
9. I’d rather not have curtains. I love sunlight and a view and I could never understand why people are shocked if they can see inside someone’s house after dark. Especially if the people inside are not naked.
10. I hate pulp in orange juice and lemonade.
11. I love any food that comes from dead pig. Bacon is nature’s candy.
12. I can sew. I would do it more if I had a spare room to dedicate for sewing and the mess that ensues.
13. While I can sew clothing quite well, I mostly sew crafty baby gifts. Sewing clothes is not cost effective like it was when I was in high school.
14. I want to be a great photographer one day.
15. I want to be a wife and mother one day. God seems to have other plans.
16. I live for summer. Heat and humidity are my friends.
17. I’ve had stitches twice.
18. Only one broken bone. My scapula. Car wreck. They can’t put a cast on your scapula.
19. Favorite color? Can’t pick one. I love orange. I love green. Several shades of brown. Blue is fun. Yellow is cheerful and spunky. Orange rocks.
20. I love the smell of fresh cut grass and band-aids. Separate, not together.
21. I am completely mesmerized by the sound of a trickling brook or babbling stream.
22. My favorite sound is the sound of babies and children laughing. From the gut. Love it!
23. I started mowing our lawn when I was about 10 years old. I like mowing the lawn.
24. Until college, I thought mowing the lawn was ‘women’s work’.
25. Growing up, I never got an allowance.
26. I didn’t have a checking account until I started college.
27. That was a mistake.
28. A clean and shiny bathroom sink makes me very happy.
29. I get hives due to allergies. This does not make me a nerd.
30. None of my best girlfriends know one another. They are scattered all over the country so they have never met.
31. I’ve told them all to save up for a spa weekend somewhere (I think Seattle) for my 40th birthday. It’ll be great to have all my girls together and have them finally meet!
32. A very high percentage of my friends are named Kim or Kelly. This started with my cousins who are twins – the others kept showing up throughout my life! Kimberly, Keli – all of them!
33. I have two nephews and two nieces. They are all gorgeous.
34. I have been abstinent for more than 11 years. What is God waiting for?!
35. I love shopping at TJMaxx.
36. I have two pair of sexy high heels that I love so much that I actually tell them so.
37. I love cleaning and organizing in my friends’ homes. Not so much when cleaning my own.
38. I’m really horrible at math. Math is a 4-letter word.
39. I can still turn cartwheels.
40. I butter my toast on both sides.
41. My first job was at Hardee’s.
42. I cannot have chips in my house because I will eat the entire bag in one sitting.
43. I have monkey toes. I can pick stuff up with them.
44. I hate turtlenecks. Can’t stand them around my neck. Even seeing them on others makes me feel a little strangled.
45. I performed in school plays in high school. I was always the wise-cracking maid.
46. I cannot play an instrument even though I had guitar lessons, clarinet lessons and organ lessons.
47. I’m sarcastic. and loud.
48. I sneeze so loudly it scares people.
49. I’m starting to see where it might be hard to like me!
50. As a kid I would climb anything with a firm foothold. Grain bins, abandoned farm equipment, trees – anything. Mom hated this.
51. I once stood atop each presidential head on Mount Rushmore. Not everyone gets to do that.
52. When I did, (with permission) the Park Ranger freaked out and tied a rope around me because I was too close to Roosevelt’s forehead.
53. I love heights, obviously.
54. I make burgers with English Muffins rather than hamburger buns. Much tastier.
55. I have a good singing voice. Not great, but not offensive.
56. I grind my teeth. Have for at least 30 years. Now I wear a nightguard. Ith tho thexy.
57. I don’t like beer.
58. My friends are mad that my natural hair color (at age 38) does not include any grays.
    I can’t whistle.
59. I can’t swim. I know how to… but I can’t.
60. I love dry wit and sarcastic humor.
61. I’ve never seen a single Star Wars movie in its entirety. For this offense, I am at risk of losing my Generation X membership card.
62. Personified animals, in cartoon or actual form, amuse me to no end. Dogs reading newspapers? Hilarious. A chicken wearing glasses? Unholy riot. One of my friends has a dog that sits like a human. I can’t stand it!
63. I have never tried any illegal drug. Nothing. Smoked clove cigarettes once in college – that’s as hard as I ever got.
64. I have never had a one night stand.
65. My worst fear is growing old alone.
66. After 6 semesters of Spanish, I can’t recall much beyond “Donde esta el bano?” I figured it was the most useful phrase.
67. My first car was a 1979 Buick Park Avenue. We called it ‘The Enterprise”.
68. I totaled that car on 08-08-88.
69. I totaled my last car on 08-08-08.
70. I can roll my tongue.
71. I can roll my Rs.
72. I can’t wiggle my ears.
73. I can never remember the body of jokes… only the punch lines.
74. The songs at church usually make me cry.
75. I don’t like BBQ’d food. Grilled sure – it’s the BBQ sauce that creeps me out.
76. I can’t paint my fingernails or toenails. Yeah I can reach ‘em but the results ain’t pretty. That job is outsourced.
77. People who bring their dogs everywhere, annoy me.
78. People who dress their dogs make me want to see them institutionalized. The humans, not the dogs.
79. Some people think I don’t like dogs. They are wrong. Usually it’s the dog owner I don’t like. (Can’t blame the dog for not being trained/socialized.)
80. I didn’t like Cherries until well into adulthood.
81. My family opens gifts on Christmas Eve.
82. I can’t flirt. Haven’t the faintest idea how.
83. Once I decide you are my friend – you can’t get out of it. No way no how.
84. I would do anything for my friends. Anytime of the day or night. Need me? Call me.
85. I think I’m a little addicted to the internet.
86. Idid not know the great pleasure of high thread count sheets until this past year. Now I'm spoiled!
87. I have never successfully balanced my checkbook.
88. I think my dad is the smartest man who never finished High School that you’ll ever meet. He has a unique wisdom.
89. I choke on food – a lot.
90. My two longest romantic relationships have lasted a year and a half. I think it’s pretty clear by then if you belong together or not.
91. I once ate a mudpie prepared by my big sister. I told her it was a little dry.
92. I once hiked behind a waterfall where I smooched my then boyfriend.
93. I learned to ski at age 27.
94. It was the first sport I could actually DO. I was thrilled.
95. I secretly wish I were more athletic.
96. I am satisfied with my very small chest. But I would take bigger boobs if it came by magic and not surgery.
97. My brother and I grew further apart after our sister died. We are not close.
98. I never really liked school.
99. I skipped all but my 10 year High School Reunion. (We have them every 5 years.)
100. I trust God’s plan for me but I wish I trusted Him even more.
     

A Public Service

Sorry to nitpick - but I read a lot of blogs in which people refer to their families and extended family.

Something is driving me batty.

So I need to point out that if you have more than one brother-in-law and you want to refer to them as a group... it is brothers-in-law. Not brother-in-laws. The plural goes to the grouping, not their status. Brother is what is plural... not the manner in which they are related.

If you and your husband's brothers and sisters and their spouses and all their respective IN LAWS are getting together - you will be surrounded by all your sisters-in-law, fathers-in-law and mothers-in-law.

See for yourself.

Thank you and goodnight.
Wait.

Since I'm in public service mode - this goes out to people who are selling sofas on Cr@igsli$t.

Please do not lure me in by describing your Modern sofa in your headline - only to show me a hideous Contemporary sofa in your ad.

That is just cruel.

Please do some research and learn the difference between Contemporary and Modern.

Just because it is not an antique does not mean it is Modern.

Modern Styling:

Contemporary Styling:

Big difference no?

Someone searching for modern furniture will not appreciate a sofa that looks like it has all the fomality of sweat pants.

That's right. I said sweat pants.

In my opinion... furniture should look tailored. At least equivilent to Khakis - not sweat pants. I mean to say, it is so casual and informal as to look sloppy.

This is one woman's opinion.

All I'm saying is .... don't lure me in with Modern when what you're really selling is sweatpants.

I Don't Even Know What to Think!

I came home this evening to find a message on my home answering machine trying to set up a job interview with me for tomorrow. (Tuesday).
How's that for notice?!

It's a job I totally forgot I applied for.

Part of me feels resigned that I won't get it anyway... just like all the others. But the other part of me realizes this interview came out of the blue - so long after I've given up.

Maybe there is a possibility. But Geez... it sucks so much like dating. Maybe this will be the one. Ha! Don't even get your hopes up.

Anyway... interview at 2:00pm MTN. I'd appreciate your prayers. I just pray for a job that I will find satisfying - and that I can perform to the satisfaction of the employer. I don't ask for much.
Thanks.

Update:
The interview went very well from my point of view - although I never know how I come across in an interview.
I am just myself, and that is funny, slightly irreverant, (because that is who you will be working with, you should know that) but very serious about the work and my can-do attitude. I am sure to explain my experience and how it relates directly to the job at hand.

I didn't know much about the job going in. After all, I applied for it two months ago and then never really thought about it again. But - this job is almost perfect. It takes me back to the reason I went into journalism in the first place. It's not sexy or puffed up glamorization of news that culls the important issues down to 20 second bits of fluff. That is why I left news. This is different. Not glamorous in any way, but I am sure it will be satisfying.

I know that they are interview at least three other people. I am just praying for God to guide this. If this is the position he has been saving me for - great. If not, well - I'll keep plugging away. It's out my hands now. But if you would like to offer it to God with me, I would greatly appreciate the prayers.

It would be so like God for this opportunity to work out, because I got a notice today explaining that my unemployment benefits end on November 1st. This job would start the first week of November.

Answers - and lots of links!

Well, I finally have an answer.

The Obama images that still make me uncomfortable are not produced by his campaign.

Rather, they are art images created by various independent artists.

Apparently they are supposed to have a Warholian quality. is that a word?

Anyway, I totally missed that connection. I still think they recall the forced iconography and rallies at the command of the Soviet Union. exhibit A:

My friend Rob sent me this Wall Street Journal article. They looked into the craze back in July. I am glad to have the information. As I said in my earlier post, it just seemed odd to me that the Democratic National Committee would want to connect his image to those images.

Now we know - it's the creative types who seek to engrave the image - not the campaign.

Now I'm a fairly arty person - and this just lends gravity to the fact that art is indeed subjective - which is why I am NOT the only one who felt that connection.

Again, not saying Obama is the Red Scare - or a Communist - just questioning the visual tie-in. Question answered.

On the other hand... I thought tonight's SNL skit of Michelle & Barack's Variety Hour was a full on RIOT! Totally speaks to the iconic celebrity so rampant in his campaign. Just visualize Michelle and Barack as Donnie and Marie!! The theme song... "And now we're solid. Solid as Barack!"

If anyone can find the link let me know and I'll link it here. Too funny to miss.

Oh. And to keep my political posts to a minimum... I want to share this great thought with you here - via button!

While I'm not a fan of giving civil unions the same title of 'marriage' for reasons I can't even put my own finger on... I do believe that legally, homosexuals deserve the same civil rights for partnership.

I really don't see how gay marriage would threaten straight marriages - except for the knowledge that my gay friends have been together longer than most of my married friends - and it stands to reason that Gays might actually lower the divorce rate!

Straights aren't really raising the bar there.

Now I promise this will be my last political post here - because my blog really isn't about that.

Thanks for indulging me all the same.

Now back to our regularly scheduled blogging.

Moving On?

Last week a friend of mine returned from an amazing charitable trip to another country. She was gone for two weeks so she missed witness of the break up. Once she heard, she called to make plans to meet me for dinner to talk.

She was so sweet, and just let me talk it out. Granted she got a much different earful than she would have if we had been able to get together even a week earlier! I know I was more calm than I would have been - because I have had time to think things over.

I told her that I was considering moving back to Omaha. I figure, if I'm going to be broke and underemployed - I might as well be broke and underemployed in a city with a lower cost of living.
I would also be closer to my parents who are getting older.
Dad misses me.
And since there is nothing keeping me here...

I looked away from my dinner plate and up to her face. Her eyes were surprisingly red.

Oh my! The thought of me moving away made her eyes sting with tears that she would not allow to fall.
I would never imagine that she would miss me that much! I'm stunned.

Admit it - It's Funny

Despite political leanings... this is a funny interpretation.

Let me just say that I am the most Middle-of-the-Road voter there is. My Conservative friends think I'm Liberal and Liberals think I'm conservative.

I'm religious and I'm educated. I'm sympathetic but I also think citizens should pull their own bootstraps - to the best of their ability.

All I'm saying is... Don't draw a conclusion about my beliefs or about my vote from a handful of posts on my blog.
I hope we're all deeper than that!

Just a Little Creepy

Am I the only one who thinks that this:

is eerily reminiscent of this:

and this?

That image in my neighbor's window and on so many t-shirts plastered upon people around the city are just a bit creepy to me.

I wonder if they are produced by the Obama campaign - or by over enthusiastic weirdos who think the Communist Dictator flashbacks are 'retro'?

I mean, Obama supporter or not you have to find the images a bit disturbing - right?

It's weird how so many Obama events look a lot like the Beatles Invasion.

The Cult of Personality surrounding his campaign is like nothing I've seen in my lifetime.

If the images don't creep you out - watch this and tell me it's not a bit chilling.

More than a little creepy if you ask me.

Make no mistake. I'm not saying there is a connection. I'm just saying that one reminds me of the other. That is all.

That's Where The Sun Is

It's been a week now since we broke up.
By the end of last week I was feeling pretty good. Not as hard as I thought - thought I. This week... I dunno... my mind sticks on the possibility of me being alone in the world forever and the feeling squeezes my heart again.

I haven't told my parents yet that we broke up. My mom will wonder what makes her daughter so unlovable. My dad knows that I was considering a breakup for a while and he'll just be glad that I am not heading toward a doomed marriage.

I talked to my oldest niece last weekend. She's a high school senior and the sweetest kid you could imagine. She's the one who spent the day skiing with me and Mr. Burns last winter, so out of my entire family she knows him the most.
During our phone conversation she asked, "So. How is everything with your boyfriend?" with that sing song-y teenage lilt on "boyfriend", it almost made me laugh.
I answered, "Well, keep this to yourself until I'm ready to tell everyone..."
"Okay." said she.
"We broke up."
"What?!!!"
Oh. The shock in her voice!
"You thought I was going to say engaged didn't you?"
"Yeaaaaaaah!"

Oh bummer. I told her that I couldn't tell Mom until I can say it without crying.

On Sunday I went to church and spoke with my priest after Mass. I told him that we broke up - and tears stung my eyes again. Saying it aloud has this finality and makes it real rather than just an idea. Father said. "Okayyyyy." like that.
I thought that was an odd response and said so. Then he explained that he would often see us at Mass together and think... "This just isn't right. He doesn't love her. He needs to let her go." Hmm. But he also said that the fact that I tried for so long to make it work is a testament to just how strongly I desire marriage. That's a fact.

I shared that story with another friend who recently moved away. She emailed back...

"So, hearing what you did from Fr. ____ do you wish he had said something to you earlier, or do you think it would have needed to run its course no matter what?"

No. He was right. It wasn't his place. I think it had to run it's course. I had many friends here telling me to end it - and I couldn't. I had to wait until it was over. Until all the hope had dried up. And that's exactly what I did.

She wrote something else that cheered me:

"I definitely think you were in this all-or-nothing, but that's you. You don't do anything half-assed, and I think that's one reason we're friends. I respect that about you. "

Sometimes it takes your friends to point out even your obvious qualities!
She's right. I don't do anything halfway. If I crash my bike, I don't just fall off. I split my chin open and break a tooth!
I don't just end a relationship. I make sure my heart breaks!

One little bit of hope I cling to is... imagine how great my marriage will be one day! I do everything full-on. That man is going to know he is loved!

Last week I thought I had moved passed the wreckage. But to further the analogy - it seems that I'm still encountering some debris in the water. But still, it's a good place to be - beyond the wreckage. All I can do is keep my eyes on the horizon. That's where the sun is.

Who knows, maybe I'll be rescued. Or maybe I'll just become a strong swimmer.

Love Stories

Certainly, I don't know how my love story will turn out - or if there will even be one beyond the beautiful love story offered to me by Christ on the cross. But I love reading about real life love stories.

In my daily clicks today, I stumbled upon the discovery that someone has declared October Love Story month - and various bloggers are sharing theirs. I think it starts here.

Many women are writing theirs in installments and I can't wait for the conclusion of this one!

Now, I love a good Love Story (how we met stories) but the handful that I've read so far start in high school. Yeah. They met in high school, married, had an egg carton full of kids and made me depressed. That's just too much to bear for a woman like me who is a full-fledged adult - 38 years old - and just broke up with her boyfriend. Please. I'm too old to have a boyfriend. I'm supposed to have a husband! Heck - I should have an ex-husband by now!!

So please... share your love story with me... particularly if it starts with "On the day I found my first grey hair..." Something that will give me a morsel of hope.
Leave the link to your love story in my comments section.

Obviously, I can't share mine. But can I tell you how much I love stories that start out with the heroine leaving her boyfriend to date his best friend? Or her best friend's boyfriend?

Not that I endorse stealing men from one another - rather I love the serendipity that the Lord employs to put the right people in our lives.

One story that I love was told to me by a cute little older lady that I met at some dating function when I first moved to this city.

I was new in town and seeking to build a social circle so I particpated in Speed Dating, Rotating Tables and all sorts of matchmaking events. At one of them I met this cute lady in her 60s who told me how she met her late husband. Is it concerning that I remember the cute little old lady but none of the men that were there?!

Her roommate had been set up on a date, and returned to tell her friend that she didn't think it was a good match. Regardless, they had made plans for the next night so the roommate begged her to come along.

Presto. Bingo. She met her husband!

So cute.

Like the story line in When Harry Met Sally. Sally and Harry decide to find each other dates, and over dinner it's their dates who end up hitting it off. At the wedding, Jess toasts them for bringing he and Marie together saying, "If we would have found either of you remotely attractive, we wouldn't be here today!"

I love a good love story. Please share yours. I could use the hope these days.

Tagged

I was tagged by Keli last week so it’s about time I get to it!

1. What was I doing 10 years ago?
- I was a TV news reporter in a small town, single and living with a roommate.

2. What are (were) 5 things on my to do list today?
- Apply for two jobs.
- Pay Bills
- Edit friend’s maternity photos for a CD.
- Catch up on bible study homework.
- Sew

3.What are my favorite Snacks?
- Quaker Rice cakes white cheddar flavor.
- Dove Dark Chocolate from the freezer.

4.What 5 things would I do if I was a Millionaire?
- Pay off debt (only a couple 1000 – not including my mortgage)
- Splurge on photography equipment, classes and a studio!
- Buy a modest house outright
- Buy a sofa and bedroom furniture
- Go to Italy
- Tuck money away for nieces/nephew college fund
- Invest the rest
- I wouldn’t tell anybody I came into the money – just do nice things for the people I love with it. (okay... that's more than five... I honestly didn't see the number in the question until after I posted! Oh well.)

5.What are 5 places I have lived? Lincoln, NE – Omaha, NE – Rapid City, SD – Denver, and my parent’s farm in Nowhere, Nebraska

6.What are 5 Jobs I've had?
Shoe sales (only it wasn’t fun like you would expect – they were ‘practical shoes’), Waitress, TV Reporter, TV Producer, Photographer

7.Who are 5 people tagged by me?Hmmm… I think I’ll pass.

Maybe It's A Good Thing!

It's becoming quite clear that our break up must be a good thing.

We would have made one ugly baby: Image produced by: http://www.vw.com/vwhype/babymaker/en/us/

Update: I feel as though I'm past the wreckage. And that feels good. I may be entering bitterness, though I am keeping a handle on it.

Thanks everyone for your sincere and hopeful comments. You bless me. You really do!

God bless you right back!

Just for giggles - I tried reproducing again with better pictures. You be the judge.

I don't think this kid is much better!!

Abandoned

Could you hear the guttural cries?

I stood in the shower and sobbed. Heavy, dry gasps because no tears would come. I worried about my neighbors hearing but it was 3:00 in the afternoon. Most likely no one else was home.
I gasped and sobbed and cried out.
Once I completed my shower, I stood there clutching my towel and gasped and sobbed some more. Finally I threw my head back - allowing my throat to really open up - and released the kind of sound I expected to make. The sound of a heart breaking. When I thought it was over, they kept coming. Cries of anguish and pain. Still, no tears.

Then, after one last groan I sniffed mightily and said aloud, to myself: "Well, that will have to be enough then." Toweled myself off and tried to go on.

Mr. Burns and I are breaking up.
He told me that he finally realized something. He's not motivated. Not about our relationship, not regarding me. He doesn't know why he is not motivated but at least he identified that.

That was all I needed to hear. He's not motivated to love me. To claim me as his own and make sure no other man can have me. He's not motivated to care for me in the name of Christ - even though that is everything he wants to do.

I told him about the message God sent me - in triplicate no less - about surrender.
He said, "That sounds like the right thing to do. We'll put it in God's hands and see what he does with it. With us."
That was last Wednesday night. We were emotionless. We prayed together over our relationship and offered it to God.

I went away for the weekend. (to attend my cousin's wedding - irony and agony anyone?)
Then after 16 hours back in my own home the emotion overwhelmed me.
In the shower, just like another cousin told me it hit her - when a relationship ended and before she met the love of her life. She told me about sitting on the floor of her shower in a heaping sobbing mess and added, "So not worth it, by the way."
She did it for weeks.
We'll see what it takes for me.

But in all the agony, I realized that this is what surrender must look like. Drain yourself of all you thought you wanted and give yourself as a vessel for God to fill. I pray for God to use me.
Yet between sobs I called out "Why won't You use me? Why won't You make something of me?!"

After all this time unable to find work, USE ME LORD!
After I gave up hope of ever having a family, you brought Mr. Burns into my life and I feel tricked. As though you made me believe that I was good enough to have all the things that you seem to give so freely to everyone else. USE ME!

All I want is to have a family. I'm so tired of people telling me about all the celebrities who can make babies after 40 - and that I can always adopt. I'm adopted myself. I know all about it. But as someone without a blood family, I ache to make my own. I will adopt children from all around the world if God gives me husband with whom to make a family. But I can't get over the desire for God to use my body to create life. To nurse it and nurture it. To finally use me.

And I feel He never will.
I feel so abandoned. Even though I know I'm not... God would never abandon me, never leave my side but I feel so alone all the same.

What a Crazy World We Live In!

Well... I went ahead and sent an email to cartoonist Greg Evans. The man behind the Luann Comic Strip.

I wanted to express my support for this panel that appeared last Sunday:

I wrote about it here.

Well guess what... he emailed back.

TRS,

Amid the disapproving emails,
it's nice to get yours!

-greg

Who would email a cartoonist to criticize him for pointing out that NOT everyone is doing it?!!

I'm shocked! People are idiots.

I mean... I can see where some people accept the fact that some teens are sexually active. But to criticize abstinence in action?!?! Mind boggling!

I also understand why some people disapprove of abstinence only education, but to criticize someone for presenting abstinence as an option?!? Dumbfounding.

Sounds like Mr. Greg Evans could use some more support. Do you believe in abstinence? Let him know and thank him for speaking to teens in a way they can understand.

I'm sure some teens are relieved to know it's okay to be a virgin - and okay not to roll over and have sex just because 'everybody's doing it'.

Reality Check

I have a great group of girlfriends here in Denver. They are all active and social and pretty much down-to-earth. There are a few exceptions where the bar for 'down-to-earth' gets adjusted!

But for the most part, we all work hard, play hard and shop hard. Some of us splurge on designer goodies. Some of us troll TJMaxx and Target for bargains. Most of us do both. We all look fabulous! It must be noted.

We get together once a week - on Sundays to watch Desperate Housewives. It may no longer be anyone's favorite show but it is our excuse to get together. There is someone new almost every week. Or at least someone we haven't seen in months!

Last Sunday was the first DH of the new season - and so the first time we've had a Sunday evening together since May. We nibbled on delicious treats for an hour before the show started, chatting and catching up. We talked about our boyfriends, our jobs, our hair color.

A new woman came into the fold. Man did she look smart. Amazingly highlighted hair. Coiffed in a perfect, messy little knot. The sort I can never manage to pull off! She works at some chi chi gallery and her husband is running for a Sen@te Se@t. She seemed fun and friendly.

Until she knocked the wind out of me.

I was telling a little story about how the tiny little TV that my parents bought me when I left for college 20 years ago (the only one I've ever owned) finally blew out the blue tube. The TV still works but the picture is very green and fuchsia. Ha ha. Then there's the converter box I bought to make my TV compatible with the new HD signal - good thing Mr. Burns never got around to hooking it up. Ha ha some more.

The other girls all know me and understand that I use a product of any kind until it is all used up. So they chuckled with me and sympathized that it was time to buy new one. They also know about my employment situation, the latest car drama - everything.

This new woman interjected halfway through my story and said something like... "Oh honey just go buy a new TV. They're so cheap."

I couldn't form my thoughts into words fast enough to respond. My first thought was.... "Lady, you've never been poor have you?" My next thought was, I have a car with driver's side window that doesn't work... which gets priority? A $300 repair or a new TV? Never mind that I still use an antenna! My next thought is... what if I told her I found a similar TV on Craig$list for $10? Would she die of shock?

Even if I could get a HD ready TV for less than $200 - that's a month or two of gas or groceries.
But I keep going back to... "Lady, you have no idea what it is to scrape by do you?"

When we left for the night, she turned to me and said, "We'll have to find a way to get you a new TV sweetie." I said, "Oh, thanks! I'll take all your efforts to find me a job first. "

"Oh." She had no idea what to say.

Now I'm not saying that I don't have respect for this woman, or that she's rude or anything. It's just been a long time since I met someone in my circle who didn't know what it was like to struggle at some point.
And, I'll admit, that's my greatest prejudice. Rich people who have no comprehension of what it's like for the rest of the world.

If your answer is "just go buy it" you are out of touch! I mean at least have the ability to relate to the context. If I haven't replaced a 19 inch TV in 20 years, maybe it's pretty low on my priority list. But maybe that was her point. Buy a TV already!

We obviously have different ideas about discretionary cash.
Lady, I don't even have an iPod! Or a season ski pass. Or skis for that matter. I've been saving for a couch for four years now! Something else always comes up.

Teenagers After My Own Heart!

Isn't this a refreshing perspective on teenagers?


Link here if the image is too small to read.

Kudos to cartoonist Greg Evans for promoting abstinence!!! This was totally me in High School.
I had no idea that some kids my age were having sex. I had heard some rumors and dismissed most as just that ... rumor. The others I chalked up to just being slutty. I couldn't wrap my head around the idea.

After junior high - I went to Catholic School in one small town and my best friend from grade school and junior high went to the public school in another little town. The public school where it was taken as fact that lots of kids were having sex. Those dirty public schools! Joke.

Needless to say, that friend and I didn't hang out much any more. Not by way of segregation... just that we were both now in different high school experiences. Different friends.

One weekend, probably sophomore or junior year - my friend and I were hanging out in her high school town. Football game or something. We were driving around with one of her new friends and the topic turned to sex. She (the new friend) asked if I'd had sex and I answered incredulously... "NO!"
Then she asked my old friend, and (in hindsight I realize...) she hesitated for my benefit. I interjected. "Ugh. Who would want to?!"
The new friend glared at me. "That's a mean thing to say!"

Oh... was I confused! I didn't mean that she wasn't pretty or desirable. It was my clumsy way of trying to say.... "We're just kids! Why would we be having sex? Sex is for grown ups... for married people!"

I couldn't get my thoughts out... and I sat there a little ashamed for unintentionally insulting my friend - and for not speaking the morals that were on my mind.

Anyway, that's why I like the girls in this comic. Brave (in an odd way) of the cartoonist to send the message... NOT EVERYBODY IS DOING IT! AND THAT'S OKAY!
I think I'll send him an email.

PS - I share Luann's sentiments on Algebra as well!

A Call for Prayers

Oh. Dear sweet friends of the Internet, I have had a distressing afternoon.

I had a confrontation with my neighbor. She lives below me on the second floor of a three floor Walk-up. She's a general nuisance but beyond that she is mentally ill. Bi-Polar or Schizo or both. I've written about her previously here and here.

She of course (of course in the sense of: in order to make my life as miserable as possible while at the same time behaving as a typical Bi-Polar case) refuses to take her meds, and prefers to self-medicate with alcohol.

When she's particularly agitated she comes home and blares her music so loud that there is 1) no way I can ignore it and 2) no way to drown it out. It vibrates my walls, floors and furniture. She slams her doors. Not just when she comes home but possibly when she is having arguments with the voices in her head. She sometimes slams doors at full decibel for 90 minutes at a time.

My neighbor below her works from home and has to sit in a coffee shop all day to do her work because she can't assume her days will be peaceful at home.

Everyone in this building but me is non-confrontational. They sort of take the attitude of "That's how it is so we'll just have to live with it." I am not that sort of person. Sometimes I wish I could be. Fact is I am not.

Instead, I embrace the fact that the law is on my side. So I went down and knocked on her door this afternoon and said, "If you can't start keeping your music at a neighborly level, we will have to start calling the police again to intervene."

She threw her door open and starting yelling at me. Told me not to threaten her. Told me that I'm loud all the time. She says I stomp around all the time. (I'm in bare feet 98.5% of the time that I am home - and I don't stomp.) Blames me for damage to her ceiling. (my bathroom pipes leaked - not that she bothered to tell me. She waited for the damage to infiltrate the first floor before I knew I had a leak.) I reminded her that I arranged and paid for the contractor and supplies to fix that.

I defended myself. Voices were raised. I wish I could have kept my cool but I didn't. And I am ashamed.

I am also scared. Our condo building has already taken her to court for throwing bricks through people's car windshields. She has keyed my front door... and my old car. I am now scared of what she'll do now that I've ticked her off good and well.

Mr. Burns reminded me to pray for her. And to pray for myself.
But my friends, I think I need help.
If you could pray for us too - I'd really appreciate it.

Side note: We are both unit owners in our building so it's not like we can have her evicted. Also - it's a terrible time to sell. I haven't had steady income in a year so I can't even prove income to rent a different apartment. I'm sort of stuck here.

The Death of Journalism & Impartial Voting Information

You might have gleaned from a few details scattered around this blog, that I - for a large part of my life and career - was once a telev!s!on news rep0rter. (That's why I'm anonymous - I don't want potential employers to find me here via G00gle and then judge my writing ability by the casual and personal prose that I set forth here. Also there's that whole journalistic impartiality issue!)

I left the Beast (as we call it) when it was clear that stories on Brittany and the Beckhams were more important than actual journalism.
Eminent domain threatening the homesteaded land upon which your family toiled for 5 generations? Is your local government spending money it doesn't have? That you'll end up paying in tax hikes? B o r i n g !! Tell us something interesting - like is that celebrity pregnant or fat? WE NEED TO KNOW!

Ugh.

I blame the 24 hour news cycle. CNN came about when I was in college. Their boon came at the start of the Gulf War. Operation Desert Storm was the first American War covered LIVE on a daily basis. I was studying broadcasting and was fascinated by the live coverage from the War Zone. I remember gasping in shock and fear when I witnessed simultanously, mortar fire and the loss of the live signal. It was incredible. It was scary.

But once the Gulf War faded from the flickering 28 frames per second on our screens- they had to fill their 24 hour news cycle with something else. How about 24 hours of the OJ Simpson trial? 24/7 Jonbenet Ramsey coverage?

Pundints and so-called experts got their own tv shows. The line between journalist and show host blurred and then faded completely.
The news industry, which once boasted trusted newsmen like Huntley, Brinkley and Cronkite became the least trustworthy profession... beating out hated lawyers and used car salesmen.

Worst of all - when corporations bought out the networks - after the Reagan Administration eased the restrictions on TV station ownership - (it used to be that there was a limit on how many telev!is!on stations could fall under the same ownership. It was a protection of the public trust) - telev!s!on news in the public interest died.
When once we had to operate in the public interest, and present news and information in an equal and unbiased manner - now it's all about the almighty dollar. (you'd be surprised if you knew how very little your local news anchors and reporters make in salary. The almighty dollar is for the big wigs. In many towns, that glamorous news anchor makes less than a first year teacher. Surprise!! )
Today even the network news programs are labeled liberal or conservative - Republican or Democrat.

It's impossible to get untainted political information these days.

So ladies and gentlemen - in the spirit of unbiased journalism - I want to offer you all a source of unbiased political info.

The League of Women Voters. The LWV provides non-partisian informaton of each candidate's stance on the issues. Here you can find the break down of the Presidential Candidate's positions on common issues. You can also find neutral explainations of ballot considerations for your city and state.

Make an informed decision. Vote for what you believe - not what one guy said they'll do better than the other guy.

Good luck and happy voting! Vote early. Vote often. Vote at least once!

If you have resources for other non-partisian neutral guides please share.
I ask that any commenters refrain from blatent support or detraction of any one candidate on my blog.
Thank you.

Surrender

My new (used) car has a brand new stereo that the previous owner had installed. It’s pretty sweet – with a CD player, MP3 input, Sir!us capability and a cassette player – oh and a remote control! The guy I bought the car from said he discontinued the Sir!us service before he sold it to me, but it would take a few days before the service ended.

I wasn't going to subscribe to Sir!us so I switched the button to the radio tuner and forgot about it. Last week I bumped a button and discovered that the satellite service was still connected.

I scanned through the stations, found a Catholic network, and listened to a beautiful story about a mother who struggled with a very sick baby who was not expected to live. Understandably heartbroken, she talked with her priest who said, “You have to give this child back to God.” She was shocked. “But God gave her to me! How can I give her up?” The priest explained the importance of surrender and the incredible grace God grants to those who hand their most precious gifts back over to Him.

Of course the story concluded with a healthy child and a happy, blessed mom. I thought it was a great story and went on with my day.

A few days later, I found a set of cassette tapes that my best friend sent me a few years ago. They held a recording of a book on tape she wanted me to listen to. I haven’t had a working cassette player for years so I seized the opportunity to use my shiny new car stereo to finally listen to the book on tape.

The book was about living the big dream God has for your life. Our dreams are God given – to fulfill God’s plan for the world. We must face the obstacles and hardships to achieve our dreams in order to glorify God.

Listening to the tapes I tried to identify my big dream. Is it pursuing photography as a career? I doubt that factors into God’s great plan for the world. (however, this would qualify). I finally determined that my big dream is to be a wife and mother. But the more I thought about it, I couldn't understand why God would give me that dream – and then keep it out of reach for so long. Why would God wait until I’m 38 without even being engaged? How does He expect me to produce children… or even have the energy to adopt?! Why would He bring me SO CLOSE – finding Mr. Burns who is a righteous man of faith, matching me in family values and sense of humor – and still not make it clear that he is or is not the man for me? Isn't it unfair to give me a big dream that I can’t achieve on my own?! How can my dream be something that I need someone else to agree to pursue?!?!?!

Then toward the end of the book, the author reiterates his point that as we overcome the obstacles of the world… just when we can see our dream… almost reach out and touch it… God asks us to give our big dream back. It’s crushing. But almost every time, if you surrender your dream to God – He gives it back – bigger and better than you imagined.

Suddenly I understood. I have to surrender Mr. Burns. I must give him up and ask God to address his heart – to either make it right for a marriage with me – or whatever his heart may be destined for. And either God will give him back to me – even better than I imagined – or He will lead me to the fulfillment of my dream, in a manner I could never perceive on my own.

Tears rolled down my face as I was driving. Okay, God. I’m ready. I will surrender Mr. Burns’ heart. I know You will do what is best for both of us. What is best for Your will.

I have been praying for an unmistakable sign. Now here were two messages. Two messages I wouldn't have even heard if I hadn't totaled my car and bought one with a miracle stereo!!

The next day, I was to join Mr. Burns to attend a funeral. I wasn't sure when I would tell him about the surrender. Then a friend of his met up with us at the funeral and ended up joining us for brunch at a nearby restaurant.

I was a little uncomfortable…I felt I had to put on a little show for his friend while deep in my heart, I was preparing to end our relationship.

When our food arrived, as usual, Mr. Burns and I joined hands and the three of us said grace over our meal. Our friend smiled and said, “You know what is great about your relationship? The two of you can share prayer, and attend Mass together. You’re building your relationship on faith. That’s very important. I wish my wife and I could have had that. We have a great marriage but I always felt that was missing.”

Mr. Burns responded. "I agree. And I've never had this before." He smiled at me. "I was always looking for the wrong women. I didn't know that this is what I really wanted."

That stung a bit. Here I am planning to surrender the man I love – and God plants a big reminder of what is so right in my world. Why would I leave?

Later that night, Mr. Burns and I spent time together, wandering downtown, looking deeply into each other’s eyes, and discussing our relationship and some big concerns. Mr. Burns explained his struggle regarding his discernment about marriage. We had a great talk. I see progress.

So now what? Do I surrender? What is surrender anyway? Does it mean breaking up with a man who declares his love? Or does it mean that you just don’t struggle. You do your best and leave the rest to God.

When asked to surrender her child, a woman doesn't abandon it. She tends to the child's needs and leaves the rest to God.

But then again…
Tonight, in bible study we are exploring the life of Moses. We're at the beginning, in which the mother of Moses – in spite of the edict to kill all the newborn Hebrew boys – hides Moses for three months before she knows, by faith, that she must let him go. She sets him afloat in a basket in the Nile River and lets him go. Complete surrender.

Then God sneaks in blessing upon blessing.

There it is again.

Has God seen my willingness to surrender, and decided to show me what He has in store? Or is He showing me more of my dream? Bringing it close enough to taste and asking me again to surrender?

One friend told me that she sees I have been ready to surrender so many times, and God keeps giving me Mr. Burns back. In her mind, it is proven.

But I still don’t know. I prayed to see progress by the end of September – and here is progress on Mr. Burns' part. And a call to surrender on mine.

An Accomplishment and a Gift

This a project I've had on the back burner for a while... and finished ... well... not quite in time.

This cheery cherry apron is a birthday gift for my very best friend. Her birthday is today. I already told her that her gift would be late.

I had her unwittingly pick out the fabric last winter. I sent her an email with photos of fabric options. She told me she was very excited upon opening photo links - thinking I had Bridesmaid dresses in mind! Hah! When she saw the flowered and cherried options she knew she was off track!

After she picked the cherry print I scoured a couple of fabric stores several different times for a suitable contrasting fabric. Finally, I found this red polka dot print. Cute huh?

In the end, I also used bits and pieces of three different apron patterns to get the style I had in mind.

Other seamstresses might just wing it... and I have before... but cannibalizing patterns works just as well.

Why an apron? I was inspired by this post from Conversion Diary. (She's an amazing writer and has beautiful things to say about the Catholic faith from the eyes of a former atheist.) But I especially liked her musings on what it means to have a well-worn apron.

It is my wish for my best friend. Happy Birthday Kim!!

Having a well-worn apron means:

You have food to eat
You have someone to cook for
You have someone to sit down at the table with you to share in the fruits of your efforts
You have the resources and the physical ability to make homemade meals
You have the energy and the money to wear clothes that are nice enough to be worth protecting
You care enough to do all of the above

Why You Little...

Sometimes I just have to accept that getting my reusable, cloth grocery bags into the car is success in itself. At least I can always run back to the car for them.

During my last trip to the grocery store, I had ultimate success. Remembering to bring all 4 bags along into the store with me.

The cashier and I traded small talk. He (like most grocery clerks) agreed that most people manage to get their cloth bags to the car but not always into the store. Then for some reason the conversation turned to the bags themselves. Durability most likely... and I pointed to the most colorful one in my little collection.

I mentioned that I've had it for years. I got it as a freebie at some Earth Day event when I was in college.

"Oh I know." he said, "I had the same one for a while." Then he added, "My mom had it when I was a kid."

I glared at him. Then I shamed him a bit for proving my age!

"I got it in college and then you tell me you were a kid! How rude!"

He laughed. And hung his head a bit.

As we finished the transaction and he gave me the obligitory, "Thank you for shopping at Safeway Miss TRS."

I answered, "You're welcome... pipsqueak."

"I deserved that." came his reply.