Sunday, January 25, 2009

Awards Season

Oh sure. I am eagerly awaiting the Oscars next week. I want to see all the gorgeous gowns. I want to watch the fabulous film, Slumdog Millionaire walk away with an award in all the categories it's nominated.

I'd love to dress up and recieve an award myself.

Well, it looks like I only missed the dressing up part! The lovely Ronnica at Ignorant Historian has presented me - lil old me - with an award!!
The fine print: “This blog invests and believes the PROXIMITY - nearness in space, time and relationships. These blogs are extremely charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in prizes or self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give attention to these writers! Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this cleverly written text into the body of their award.”

What she said: TRS reached out to me when she saw I wanted accountability to my workout routine. It’s not her fault that I haven’t reached my goal one week yet this year!

Wow! Thanks Ronnica. That's so sweet and I'm so honored.

Now to pass the award along to other deserving people. My picks.

1: Bring the Rain. Bring the Kleenex! Angie is amazing! Her writing is so heartfelt and clever and spot on - and she claims she never edits! If you need some healthy Christian inspiration, go visit.

2: KC Masterpiece. One of the first blogs I ever followed. Talk about charming... Katie is adorable in all ways. The sort of woman everyone wants to be friends with - but she never lets it go to her head. Visit Katie for her funny observations, devoted odes to her lucky, loving hubby, and sometimes hilarious photos and diagrams!

3: Glossy Veneer. Another blog I've been reading the longest. Jill is real ladies! That's what I love about her. She shares her struggles and triumphs - and even photos of pimple, scars and road rash! Jill seems to be all about self-improvement - in a very charming way. Oh... she's also all about cup cakes! Jill rocks.

4: Moments of Clarity and Chaos. Oh my heck. Meet one hilarious single lady. Erinannie is the awesomest - writer, auntie, friend, marketing & social networking guru, big sister, potential foster parent!!! If anyone is actually working to make this world a better place... it's Erinannie. Been reading her for years too! She's actually a friend of a friend - can't wait to meet her someday! I think she's awesome.

5: Girl from Florida. She shares photos and tidbits of her life in Key West. Look for beautiful food, adorable photos of toddler Amelia, and gorgeous beachy scenery. She's one of those women you would cut off your pinkie toe to live next to! Even sharing the frustrations of nurs!ng school, you see her heart of gold. Definately the nurse you would want on duty if you're ever in the hospital.

6: 6Year Med. The other half of your crack, compassionate care team. Dr. Danielle is on her way to becoming a great, loving doctor. She is a beautiful writer (really bugs me when people who excell at the sciences infringe on writing territory!!! Talent hog!) and an even more beautiful person - inside and out. Dr. Miracle Worker most days.

7: Nurturing Narcissism. Oh, she's sweeter than she sounds. Melain is on the healthy side of narcissism. Oh so funny, and obviously a great friend, wife and mother. She writes about family, fashion, entertainment and HAIR! You'll fall in love with her.

8: Valley Girl. Tucked away in rural Canada, Tammi is essentially who I would be as an adult if I married and stayed in farm country. She shows me images of today that remind me of my childhood. She and hubby and family rely on the generousity of the Earth via the hand of God. Go enjoy her!

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Go Get a Hanky

Meet Logan. The wisest little man you will ever be blest to hear.

Man that little kid touched me. He is close in age to my nephew Shiny, and I can picture Shiny in the same situation. I was blubbering my friends. Blubbering.

I hope you can relate to the farm and ranch reference. I know it's hard to imagine, but it's the reality of farm life. The situation he describes is real to me because that is what I grew up with - I can picture his description as if he's talking about the farm where I spent my first 18 years.

I hope Logan speaks to you.

Please watch the video before you read on:

There is really no need for me to add to this... but you know me... I never can shut up!

Luckily, as a girl on the farm, I was spared the chore that Logan faced. I know my dad and my brother had to do it. Many times. It's not easy. I know that my older nephew, Crash couldn't do it. Shiny probably hasn't been there yet - he's only 10.

But God knows the pain. He had to do it too. He did it first. God is so strong. So wise. So good.

My dad once sent a teen aged Crash to take care of runt pig. The barn there is situated on a hill downwind from our house. It's a short little hike to get to that barn, but dad realized that Crash was gone a long time. Dad finally went to check on the situation, and found Crash holding the gun, wiping away tears. He couldn't do it.

I guess I share this experience because that is the moment in Logan's story that sends tears down my face each time I listen to it. What a difficult thing to do. In all my years, I never once made the connection that Logan made.

Thank you Lord for speaking to Logan. For making him brave enough to share what you taught him! Lord, you do fine work.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Single Solitary Mom

I thought of my mom today.
As I watched the Inauguration coverage it was a strange mix of thoughts.
First of all my mom is not thrilled at the transfer of power. Don't jump to conclusions - it's just that she and I can't support anyone in power who supports abortion. It makes us sick to our stomachs.
The Capitol Dome

So while I knew she probably wasn't watching the coverage because A) she was at work and B) because of how she feels - I also knew she couldn't avoid it - addicted to 24 news channels as she is. (hey - we got her to quit smoking, we gotta let her have something!)

As I watched the Inauguration, I knew each of those Washington DC landmarks saturating the screen hold meaning and memories for both of us.

In 2003, Mom and I went to visit our nation's capital together, the first time for each of us. Just the two of us.

Since then, when she watches news coverage or movies featuring DC - she has a special little thrill being able to recognize the landmarks from first hand experience.

You have to understand - my parents don't get out much.
Our childhood vacations were to the Black Hills of South Dakota - every time! Only a 6 hour drive from home.
Prior to our trip to DC the furthest she had been from her Nebraska home was Las Vegas, NV. She and dad lived 3 miles apart their whole lives and didn't meet until after High School!!

For that reason, our trip was pretty exciting. For two months before the trip she bragged to her friends that she was going to DC with her daughter. For months and months afterward... she bragged that she went to DC with her daughter!
Quite a conversation starter.
Mom on a tour of the Capitol Building - outside of which, today's Inauguration was held!
For me too - the sights of Washington DC are filled with memories of being there with my mom. Of sharing an experience we don't make the effort (or have the funds) to do more often.

Mom & Me in front of the White House. Wow my hair was short!

Also... I have to share a funny about my mom.
Something I just realized when I was home this Christmas.

Her favorite sort of comedy... slapstick!

We were scrolling through the movie options on D!sh Netw*rk and she stopped on a cheesy Ha!!mark movie. "Oh, let's watch this one! That character keeps making mistakes and ruining everything. It's so cute."

"Mom! You love slapstick! I never put it together before!"
No wonder she and dad let me watch that racy "Three's Company" when I was small! She had to see John Ritter fall all over himself each week. She wasn't going to miss it.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Little Miracles

It can be really tough sometimes - as a single adult - to get oneself to church on Sunday.
I know so many great people who have given up on church. They feel they have prayed and prayed and either never got anything out of it - or - that no matter what they do God's just not listening to them.

I have two girlfriends in particular that I pray will get back to church.
One is a tougher case than the other.

The second, we'll call Lola. I talked to her before Christmas when we caught up on my breakup - on what was going on with her. Perpetually single, and maybe a little relieved to have me back in those ranks.
I don't see Lola often but I used to count on seeing her in church on Sunday. At least we caught up on a weekly basis.

She told me that she just can't make it to church lately because it just doesn't seem to help. She's so discouraged and feels God has forgotten about her. I understand that frustration, I really do. Been there. But it makes me so sad.

As I drove to church this morning I thought of who I might get to see. My friends whose baby I sponsored in baptism? I saw them last week. The cheerful, quick witted friend whose smile reminds me of Matt Damon? He's straying from church too lately. Will I see Lola in her usual seat?
I quickly asked God to bring her back to church - it would be so nice to see her beautiful smiling face!

I didn't see any of my friends during Mass today.
Yet I was touched by the story of Saul - who God called by name.

After Mass I was chatting with the older lady next to me - the woman who was the first person to greet me the first time I ever attended this church! That's special because I've been to churches where no one said a word to me for more than two years. She's the reason I came back!

Then out of the corner of my eye - Lola!

"You ARE here! Praise God!" I gave her a hug and she smiled broadly.

I told her how I thought of her before Mass, while I was parking my car.
She told me, "Well, I was half tempted to sit on the couch and watch the news. It was that or blow dry my hair and get to church. I got here late but I got here!"

We determined that it's likely the exact moment she was debating between the sofa and church - may have been the moment I said my little prayer.

Now I'm not saying I had anything to do with it. God was pulling her to Mass this morning, but maybe He let me whisper encouragement.

We single ladies need all the support we can get.
And never underestimate the power of prayer. He hears even the little ones.

And sometimes, just being the person someone else can count on to be there - is the best gift you can give that day.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

and.... Cue the Tears

I've always been an easy mark for a tear-jerker.
Not just movies. I cry at TV commercials.

In the 80s it was the AT&T ads where the son called home from college, and he could hear dad taking the dog out for a walk, his little sister opening the fridge for study snack - missing the sounds of home. Awww.

The Folger's ad at Christmas where 'Peter' comes home just before dawn, starts the coffee and wakes up the house. Mom is at the foot of the stairs before she notices... "Peter!"
They still play it and it still gets me. I'm tearing up just writing it.

Even the predictably sappy scenes on TV shows get me. My lip quivered at the end of almost every "7th Heaven" episode - where somebody learned something important about human nature.

I think I once even held back tears during an episode of "FamilyGuy" ~ not really known for it's sentimentality ya know.

There's a new commercial on TV. I think it's from Gerber. It features a montage of new moms holding their newborns close and saying modified wedding vows... "I promise to hold you, to love you, to care for you... "

And then came the tears.
But this time, not tears of a warm heart touched by sentimentality.
No. These were tears that stung with the pain of ... taunting?
And not just tears. Sobbing. The sort of sobbing that accompanies heartbreak.

It was as if the ad was saying... "Look. Everyone gets married and has babies. Everybody. It's just so common. Well, everyone but you."

It really feels like they just created the ad to show off.
Everybody gets one. Doesn't matter if they are smart or healthy or even good parents. Pop pop pop, any idiot can have a child. Now aren't you proud of them?
Oh... you didn't get yours? Let us check our files... hmmm... no - you don't get one. Maybe not for a while... maybe not ever... but look... look at all the sweet babies everyone else gets to have.

I've only seen the ad once - and I hope I never see again.
It hurts too much.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

And The Winner Is...

The winner of the Selah, Timeless CD Collection is...

Lucky number 7 - Cecelia!!!!

Whoot Whoot!


{insert confetti here}

Allow me to tell you all that I prayed over all your names before clicking the random number generator button. I asked God to send this CD collection to someone who will be blessed by the message.

And how appropriate - Cecelia, one of my favorite names AND the Patron Saint of Music!!! How about that?
I can't tell you how much joy it gives me to host a giveaway like this. That whole 'tis better to give than to receive thing is so true.

Cecelia, please contact me with your shipping information by Mon ... oops that's a holiday for some folks - let's make it Tuesday, January 20th. If I don't hear from Cecelia by the end of the day on Tuesday, I'll have another go with the random number generator.

Thank you everyone for entering with a comment. It was such a delight to 'meet' all of you. I intend to stop by your blogs to get to you a little better - what fun.

And now... I'll answer a few questions:

Katie, as for secular music I like everything but rap and hip hop. From heavy metal to country, to Top 40 pop to 70s standards. Of course I have my favorites but I find that I appreciate all kinds of music - with the exception of anything that refers to women as b!tches and h*'s - or putting a cap in someone.

Which leads me to Kent's comment. I don't feel that I've lumped all Christian music into one category. Rather, I just didn't have the patience to sift through the stuff that I found unbearable. Especially when I could turn to another station and enjoy 4 out every 5 songs. Even groups that I've liked over the years couldn't take me with them to a second album.

That is what is so great about Selah. I've listened to 5 albums from this group and every song is nothing short of amazing. My only complaint is one song that uses a synthesized vocal line - but even that song is so awesome I can overlook that little bit of weirdness!!!

I really hope Cecelia enjoys this collection - and anyone who has been considering the purchase - it's well worth it! Plus you would be supporting an amazing family with a lineage of ministry. Catch up on just part of their story here... that's how I learned about Selah in the first place. What glorious souls.

Thanks for playing! Enjoy and God Bless each and every one of you!!

Monday, January 12, 2009

You're So Lucky that I'm Bad at Math!

Or, my first bloggy giveaway!

UPDATE: I will close entries for this giveaway at 12:00 midnight EST tonight (Thursday, January 15). Any comments posted after 12:00 EST will not be eligible for the drawing. Look for the winner tomorrow morning.
In the interest of fairness and full disclosure - any commenter with multiple comments will be counted only for their first comment. Any repeat comments will be passed over and a that number will be assigned to the next comment. Fair?

This has been SO exciting for me! I can't wait to see who wins the collection. Good luck!

Bear with me. If you know me at all you know I have to tell a long drawn out story!

I did some Christmas shopping on-line and couldn't resist buying some goodies for myself. I got a CD and a book on CD for my brother, and added Selah's Christmas CD, and a collection of their music for myself.

(photos from CURB records)

When I went to checkout - I thought the total was a bit higher than I anticipated. I looked through my shopping cart again and thought. "Well, that must be right." It's not like I was going to do math to verify the total so I finished the transaction and moved on.

Days later, the package arrived and the math mystery was solved.
I had clicked on the Selah Collection twice! Ahhh.

I thought about sending it back, or giving it to a friend, or even selling it to a friend... and I didn't know what to do. So I left it on my dining table while I took the other copy to keep me company for the drive home.

Let me tell you, this group is AMAZING!

God surely used Selah to help mend my heart while driving. I left Denver feeling very bitter about Mr. Burns, and about going home for a Christmas holiday that I originally thought would include bringing my fiance home to my family.

This music helped to bring me back to God's center. At the very moment I realized that, God nudged me and said, "Give the extra copy to someone who needs it. Give it away on your blog."

That makes all the sense in the world. So my bloggy friends - leave a comment on this post if you would like to have an amazing collection of beautiful Christian music. If you must comment anonymously, please leave some distinguishing information in your comment in case of multiple anonymous entries. Oh - and if you live near me, you must allow me to deliver it in person!
I will select the winner using a random number generator - and announce the winner... hmmm, let's see... this Friday.

Now let me share just a little bit more.

I usually don't like Christian music. There have been a few artists over the years that have reached me - but typically, listening to a Christian radio station I can't bear more than two songs.
To me... they all sound like a teenager's bad poetry or something. It's just. So. Bad. I always thought maybe I wasn't blessed with the grace of God to overlook what I found as corny lyrics and find the message.
I told a few friends about this - and I think they were a bit offended because they listen to Christian music exclusively! Perhaps it was my heart that needed change.

So with that heavy criteria in mind, it is high praise when I say - This collection is beautiful! Their voices are truly ordained by God for the ministry. Amazing voices.

And the lyrics? Brilliant. Truly inspired. There is not one bad song in the entire 4 CD collection.

I really want someone to enjoy this collection as I do.
One entry per reader, please.

God Bless!

edited to add: the 4 CDs are #1 Be Still My Soul - a collection of Hymns, #2 Press On, #3 Hiding Place, #4 Bonus Disc - also known as the Duets CD.

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Not Playing The Game

I called my friend Joki on his birthday a little over a week ago. He told me about a new girl he's been seeing. Just a handful of dates but he really likes her. I know him and I know that he gets excited when he really likes someone.

We're alike in that way. When I find someone who is clearly not a waste of time - I visualize a future.
We both fall hard when we fall. I've seen him when he's smitten - any girl should be so lucky. He's super cute, and funny, and wickedly smart, oh so talented, kind and thoughtful and did I mention cute?

So, he confided in me... worried that he scares women off because he falls so hard. They maybe aren't used to a guy who isn't fighting a good thing. They get freaked out.
He asked me if I thought he should wait to ask her out again, even though he wanted to go out with her on New Years Eve.

Conventional wisdom says - yes - wait it out. Don't be over eager.
But I know Joki - because we dated briefly - and let me tell you it was the best time of my life!

When we were dating I never wondered when he would call or if he would call. Because he called. Whenever he wanted to. Without some silly standard waiting period to appear cool. When he didn't call - he emailed little hellos several times a day. He wanted to see me as often as I wanted to see him. There was no game playing. We never had to edit our thoughts or our words because we both knew we were accepted and understood. It was so wonderful!

So that's what I told him. "Joki, if you want to see her - ask her. Don't hold yourself back because then you're not being authentic. Yeah, there's a chance you'll scare her off - but if you pull back - you are not presenting your true self.
"And Joki - I believe that you will find the woman who appreciates you, your enthusiastic nature, and your sincere heart. The girls who scare off aren't right for you to begin with. You need to find the woman who is thrilled when you're enthusiastic about her. Because that's what a good woman deserves. A man who is enthusiastic for her. She will love that she doesn't have to question your sincerity. I know because I remember how that felt."


Last night Joki and I met another friend for drinks. After a little chit chat I asked with a wink, "So, how's the girl?"


All I could do is shake my head. What is wrong with these women? How is this man single?
He wonders the same thing.

Here is one man who is doing what a man is supposed to do. He's pursuing. He's decisive. He wants a committed relationship. He is not playing games. Do you have any idea how hard that is to come by? Those women are idiots.

My only answer is that the women he's meeting must be shallow to a degree. I haven't met them but maybe they find him too short or not enough PhD.
It really ticks me off. I know he'd be a loving faithful husband and a great, fun and sexy daddy. If there is a man out there who should really be a father, it's him.
Let me tell you - the woman who figures that out will be the luckiest woman in the world.

Monday, January 05, 2009


As much as I hate to admit it - I always scout for men when I start a new job.

When I was an intern at the local TV station in college - reporters came and went in a flash as they sought to climb the rungs out of a small market.
I've always been a bit brash - and one day while editing promo video I got my first glimpse of the newest male reporter as I scrolled through his stand-up outtakes. I was disappointed and muttered, "How come they never hire any good looking guys here?"
The previous male hire was in the edit bay with me - he chuckled and said something to make me realize I had just insulted him! Oops.

A few months later, they hired another guy. This one was C U T E! As I edited his story tape, before I even met him, I decided that I wouldn't let on that I had a boyfriend.
He wasn't interested, but we're still friends to this day. He's gay, BTW.

Well, at my new job there are two men who've lightly sparked my attention. One of them is an obvious athlete, with firm muscles that any girl would admire through the drape of his carefully selected clothing choices. The other is short and stocky, with a bit of a belly.

It's the latter who caught my attention in a staff meeting when he spoke something laced with sarcasm (my favorite) - but still respectful of everyone involved. The twinkle in his eye is what got me.

Over the course of my first few weeks on the job I determined a HUGE age gap - and decided to lose interest over my Christmas break. Clearly, it's for the best. I really like this job and don't want to jeopardize the comfort level in any way.

I came to work today all aloof and internally focused on the tall, muscular guy in my yoga class. Even if he is married - I needed the distraction from the sweet smile in my office!

When short and stocky stopped by to chat I was going to be all business. Then he teased me about something and broke out that smile.
Uh... cute. Stop being cute! I recovered... back to business. Whew.

Later, I had to find him at his desk to verify something and soon we wound up batting casual insults back and forth, laughing. His strong hand was on my shoulder blade, expressing mock sympathy for some silly shortcoming of mine he had just pointed out.

Uh... Flirting 101 - physical contact! And this wasn't the first time I felt his solid, strong hand albeit in a perfectly benign location. Funny, because I thought I was the one struggling to keep my hand from landing on his shoulder during our silly conversations!

So confused! Never experienced reciprocated attention at work before. Ack!

Sunday, January 04, 2009

Meeting People

I went to a yoga class today at a studio I'm considering joining.

I arrived somewhat early and placed my mat next to the one cute guy in the room. Covertly eyeing him in the mirror, I noticed the gold band on his left hand. Figures.

At one point during the class, I struggled with a pose. The crow. In which you balance your knees on your elbows and hold your entire weight on the palms of your hands.
Mr. ICantFigureOutWhichActorHeRemindsMeOf executed it perfectly.

He whispered encouragement to me. I responded that this was my first week back at yoga after a 5 year absence - I can get into position but I'm not strong enough to hold it.

After class he apologized for smiling during my struggle. We chatted a little and I learned that he's been practicing yoga for one year. We talked about what a difference it makes in ones' strength and flexibility. We are both converts. He assured me that I was doing better than a beginner.
He was very nice and friendly - but not overly so considering the ring on his finger.

Of course I couldn't help but wonder if he has a single brother!

So married folks - here's my question: Would it be horribly inappropriate to ask a man (in some way) if there is a reasonable facsimile of him, available out there in the world?
I'm sure there's a greater likelihood of a guy taking such a query as a come on - when in reality - I intend it to be compliment AND a serious inquiry!!

Of course there's always the "develop an acquaintance and see if he offers to introduce me to someone" approach. Which seems to take so long and never yield results!
Maybe just a simple: "You seem like a good guy. Can you think of anyone you'd like to introduce me to?"
The problem is - I think married people should constantly be thinking of who they could introduce - and they really don't tend to do that! So selfish!

As I've said before: I'm never not looking. In fact, I'm always plotting ways to meet a good man! Except of course if I'm already dating one - but that should go without saying.

Saturday, January 03, 2009

Changing His Ways

Here's a little update to the My Dad, the Non-Consumer story I posted before Christmas.

My parents' wedding anniversary is two days after Christmas - just to add to the stress level. Thankfully, they have long ago given up any exchange of gifts to celebrate their anniversary.

So when I arrived home on the 23rd, I was surprised when my dad asked me to pick up something for mom. He got an idea to buy mom a lovely nightgown and give it to her for an anniversary gift. (Not sure why that seemed like the ideal gift - I think he just doesn't like her comfy flannel gown.)

On Christmas Eve day, my nieces wanted to go over to town for some last minute shopping. Dad needed a haircut - so I asked him to come with us.

The four of us were in a store I shall not name (because I hate it) and Miss Bug pointed out a display of Poinsettias and told her Grandpa that Grandma had mentioned that she'd like one. (My mom loves Poinsettias - after all the church was filled with them on her wedding day.)

Dad was feeling generous or inspired or something else that we rarely see, and set off to find the most perfect of the picked over poinsettias. "I'll tell her that's all she's getting." He joked.

Then we moved on to JCPe&&ey - it's a very small town, not much store selection - and the girls went with me to look for a night gown for mom, since I know what type of nightie she prefers to sleep in.
Dad followed and didn't like any of my suggestions.

"Don't they have something furry?"
Um. eh. oh. Bug and I exchanged looks.
Then I asked Dad, "You want something sexy?"
They've been married for 48 years people! I didn't want to think about that!

"No!" He laughed. Shrugged off the suggestion, then indicated something made of light fleece. It had a pattern worked in, similar to burned out velvet.

Oh whew! Just a confusion over furry and fuzzy. Bug and I were relieved. She's 14 and didn't need the images we were trying to block. Her big sister, The Champ is 18 years old and was busy texting and acting disinterested so she missed most of the exchange.

Bug and Champ chose the color and off we went.

Dad and I arrived home to find Mom in the kitchen. Of course she noticed the poinsettia in his hands right away.
"For me?"
"Yep. I thought you might like it."
"Oh! I love you I love you I love you!" Mom squealed. "That just made my day."

I think it made her year! My mom rarely squeals.
My parents aren't terribly affectionate. Like not at all. So this was really something to witness.
And it speaks to the importance of speaking each other's love language. Seriously. An $8 poinsettia - that's all it took. And of course the thought behind it.

I snuck the nightgown parcel into my bedroom, wrapped it and hid it until the morning of their anniversary.
Another surprise.
Mom was shocked to get a gift. Later, I explained that it was all Dad's idea, and that he had specific ideas about just what to get. The information made it all the more important to her.

After 48 years of pleading ignorance about gifts and shopping, things are taking a surprising and sweet turn.

Friday, January 02, 2009

Wanna See a Great Movie?

Go see SlumDog Millionaire.

Seriously. It's great.
Then come back here and tell me what you thought of it.

Thursday, January 01, 2009

Who Doesn't Like to Dress Up?

I met some friends for dinner on New Years Eve. One of us is a New Years Baby - it's not me - and while that guarantees there is always a party on her birthday it doesn't mean it's always for her. We try to make sure it's special.

It's New Years after all so I wore something sparkly, and something shiny, and something with staggeringly high heels. I also coaxed my hair into curls.

When I entered the restaurant my friend exclaimed and announced that I looked fabulous! Yay me.

We talked about how as we're getting older, we prefer a low-key New Years Eve. But -I clarified- low-key does NOT include not dressing up. Agreement was unanymous.
I explained that last year Mr. Burns and I split the evening between my crowd and his crowd. I wore a seriously cute and flattering dress with amazing silver strappy heels. We went downtown first - then to the suburbs to be with his crowd for the stroke of midnight. When we arrived at his friend's house all the other girlfriends and wives were wearing -gasp- sweatpants!
Excuse me. Fashion police here. We have a warrant. No sweatpants on New Years Eve. Dress up. It's fun.
So last night my girlfriends and I agreed - it's crucial to dress up - especially on holidays. Just for the fun of it.

Then I added the caveat.

If I had kids, sure - stay home - wear pajamas - pop a bowl of popcorn, watch movies and ring bells at midnight.
Everyone awwed... what a great idea!
See what my non-existant kids are missing?!!!

But I Thought I Was Done

I sat in what was supposed to be a posh and bustling New Years Eve venue, tugging at the last few minutes of 2008 so we could blow our horns, toast with champagne - and just hug our girlfriends because no decent single men were available for kisses... operative word being single. Decent was negotiable at that point!

I looked at my beautiful, accomplished and adventureous friend and thought "I wonder why some of us have to be single."

Because it really is a wonder.

A few minutes earlier - when my forementioned friend wondered aloud if she should use the last 10 minutes of 2008 to run out to the street and find a guy to kiss - I took the opportunity to whimper, "I thought I was done. I thought I wasn't going to have to date again."

Inside, I just wondered why I'm supposed to be alone.
I really think I'd be a great wife. Loving, supportive - maybe not so great in the kitchen but happy to make up for it in the bedroom or where ever. I'd make a wonderful mom. One who would actually ask her kid whether or not they prefer a nightlight - rather than sticking one in there just to cast scary shadows about the room.

What am I supposed to be learning here that I'm just not getting?
For that matter, what are my gorgeous, smart and successful friends supposed to be learning? Are we all just too dense?

When I think about dating - I sometimes get sidetracked thinking about how I need to get to the gym for a good year or so before I should even bother. I doubt many Colorado men are going to be too thrilled about my squishy muscles - especially when there are plenty of women out there who can handle their bikes on single tracks without jiggling all the way down the hill - and they probably aren't abstinent either so +2 points for the imaginary women / -2 points for me. What an incentive to get out there!

Where am I supposed to find this man of faith who is going to appreciate me? Where can I find a supply for my friends?

The countdown began. Glasses were lifted. My single girlfriend and I smiled at each other - pouted a little - then gave each other a long, firm hug.

At least we have each other.

I know this post sounds whiney - and one of my resolutions is be more positive about the breakup - because I know it was the right thing - doesn't mean it's not hard - this was my last indulgence.