Saturday, February 19, 2011

Good Enough

You know how I mentioned that my new job is with an old employer?
I worked with them a few years ago, before I left to explore some other, exciting opportunities in my career field. I gained some great experience doing work I had dreamed of - work many people in my career field dream of. It was fun while it lasted.

Anyway. Back on track.
So I'm back at the company I worked for prior to the excitement.

A lot of the same people are still there and they are welcoming me back with great affection. New employees are trying to figure what all the buzz is about and making an effort to get to know me.

From the old: "So what have you been up to? Are you married now? No? Dating anyone?"
From the new: "So tell me about yourself... do you have children? Are you married?"

Gah! It's just uncomfortable how one's status boils down to whether someone else in the world has found one worthy of partnering up.
At least they haven't asked "Why" I'm not married!

Then the other night I was out with my cousin and her husband. We live in the same city but see each other rarely. She's actually my second cousin, quite a bit younger than I so we don't socialize much.
To make conversation, her husband asked if I was seeing anyone.
I simply explained: "I was seeing someone but it didn't work out. Back to the drawing board."
That's it. I didn't wax on about being lonely or how old I am or about my withered ovaries... just a basic answer - and the first thing out of her mouth was: "You just need to lower your standards."

Motioning to her husband with my head, I blurted out the first thing to land on my tongue, "You mean like you did?!"

She laughed and demurred, playing along like, 'yeah I'm stuck with this bozo.'
We're relatives so we share the sense of humor, and moved on to talking about furniture or some such.
But after dwelling on the exchange, I began to steam. We have barely talked in five years and here she makes assumptions on my standards. On my worth. On who I deserve.

I was actually quite pleased with my retort. Just enough humor and I made my point.
Although when I relayed it to my mom she scoffed, "That was mean!"
Well, wasn't what she said mean? Guess it's more acceptable to insult someone's lack of a spouse than someone's actual spouse!
Why does she get a pass and I don't?

She didn't ask me about my standards. She just implied that whatever I'm looking for - I don't deserve.
I've been fuming now about what else I might have said in response:
  1. "What would be the point of marrying someone I don't respect or have something in common with?"
  2. "Oh? Is that what you'll tell your daughter some day?"
  3. "So should I just go stand outside a prison and hook up with whomever gets released that day?"
  4. "I just want my standards to be as high as those of the man whose standards I meet."
Ultimately, I am not prone to accept suggestions from those who married by the time they were 25 - because they have never really experienced 'dating'. If a life partner just fell into your lap before you even had to start a search - I don't think you get to give advice!

Actually, I find it quite telling that she said what she did. It shows she is young and inexperienced in the world.
Maybe it even tells me what she thinks of me... maybe she thinks I'm not attractive enough to have standards. Maybe she thinks I'm too old to hold out for what's best for me.
That's funny, to think that I'm holding out.

So, any thoughts on how to respond to such a statement?
Any smug marrieds make similar comments to you?

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Mid-Season Replacement

For many years my life has revolved around television. I have worked in many areas of broadcasting and so TV has been an occupational hazard of sorts.

Therefore, it seems appropriate that since I stopped updating this blog about the time the fall TV season ended in November... and now February sweeps are in full swing along with TV season continuations and some Mid-Season Replacements -I'm BACK!Thanks to so many of you for your sweet comments checking on my welfare. I haven't even been close enough to my computer to check in... but every once in a while I did, and was very encouraged to see your notes! (I've published them all in the comments of the last post.)

It is nice to be missed.
Speaking of which, my friend Erin Ann did some stat checking and has informed me that A LOT of people having been stopping by Single Solitary Things in my absence. I don't mention that to brag... rather, it has made me realize that there are many people who must come here for solidarity, camaraderie and perhaps solace in our single lives.

I am astounded by this!
I do recognize it as a opportunity to be a voice, an advocate for those of us who await God's plan.
Maybe we want to be married. Maybe we're happily single. Maybe God is working on the men who He intends to become our husbands. Maybe He has other plans. Whatever the case, we are definitely a forgotten segment of society and if I can lend a voice that puts thoughts into words for adult single women... well, I will do my best. Perhaps this is my ministry.
I'm going to work on posting at least weekly. I hope you will all check back with me!

Now, I suppose I owe some sort of explanation to my absence:
For starters, I was managing the portrait studio during the holiday season, which peaked during November and December. I worked six days a week and was exhausted by the end of each day. I had so much housekeeping, bill paying and sleeping to do on my days off that I didn't even approach my computer for fear of losing hours of my one day off per week to the web that these Internets weave!

Then... as only can happen in the world of TRS, I got a call from an employer that I applied to last summer - finally offering me an interview! (maybe that's a sign the economy is recovering!) They also wanted a presentation, so my few spare hours were spent researching and polishing the presentation for a job I didn't get!!

THEN... I got a call out of the blue from a past employer... asking me to come back! How about them apples?! I went to meet with them and the first words out of the CEO's mouth were, "We have really come to appreciate you around here."
Let me tell you, after years of unemployment and underemployment... nothing sounds so sweet! It's work I enjoy, am great at, and really want to do so I'm pretty happy and fully employed for the first time in years.

THEN... just as I was ready to delve back into my blogging world - my Internet went down and it took me most of February to figure out the issue! I had three IT guys working on it!!

Now, I'm sure what you really want to know is - what's going on with McTwitchy?!!?!
Well, we had a couple of really lovely months leading up to his decision on the job offer in the Very Big City. He decided not to take the job. Which means he's staying here!
In the end we determined that he still has a lot to work out before he can really pursue a relationship. We had a wonderful discussion, and agreed that neither of us wanted to break up and never see one another again so we have decided to remain friends. I have a few of those, guys I've dated briefly, and retained as friends that I could never, ever do without. McTwitchy is in that category. He's a really good man.

So TRS is back on the dating scene... which should be great fodder for bloggy updates! My social life suffered while I was poor and unemployed... so you will also get updates on my efforts to be social again.

It's all.... This Season... on Single Solitary Things!!!