Friday, October 29, 2010

Expecting Rain

My priest recently told the story of a pastor of a rural church – in an agricultural community that relies on the earth and abundance for it’s economy.

They were suffering from severe drought – so one Sunday the pastor told his church that everyone should gather everyone they know, and come to church the following Tuesday, when they would all come together to pray for rain. Surely, if the entire community came together, God would answer their prayers.

Tuesday came, and the turn out was incredible. Everyone was there. The most amazing gathering ever. The crowd murmured, impressed with themselves.

But the pastor nearly felt defeated. He hung his head in his hands and said… “Oh, that we don’t all have the faith of our dear sister Alba!!”

The entire crowd turned to look at Miss Alba… the only person who bothered to bring an umbrella.

Personally, I have boiled the story down to remind myself… "If you’re going to pray for rain, have enough faith to carry an umbrella."

My personal umbrella carrying is the mere fact that I am still dating!
I must believe that God has the ideal husband for me out there - or I would have
stopped dating years ago!

I shared that story a couple of weeks ago with McTwitchy - in reference to the great decision he has to make regarding the new job or keeping his business here.
I suggested that he determine what his Best Case Scenario is... then pray for that. But pray with the faith that God WILL make it happen.

Like me, McTwitchy is a bit rusty in his prayer life - so my suggestion is a real leap of faith for him. I don't know if he is praying or not - but I am.

Last week, McTwitchy called with news of a client meeting that left him speechless. This client who has not had work for him in a long while suddenly promises lots of business coming up! They need him! McTwitchy could barely register the information.

I found myself smiling from ear to ear as I recognized this as an obvious answer to prayer. I thought, "You can stay!" I also thought, "It's going to rain! I've got my umbrella!"

Still no definitive word on which way McTwitchy's decision will go.
We are truly enjoying this time together and I pray that whatever his decision - eventually he will decide he wants me at his side! I am crazy about this man. I am learning so much about him, it's like opening a different special gift every time I see him!

Saturday, October 16, 2010


My attempts at seeking spiritual guidance have been less than fruitful.
A few years ago, I met with my parish priest to discuss forgiveness. You see, 25 years ago this month, my older sister was brutally murdered. Then 4 years ago the parole board let her murderer out of prison.

So I've been dealing with the concept of forgiving this man. It's a big job. Believe me. The only reason I can even consider it, is that I think my sister knew she would live a short life. When I think about her spirit, I'm sure she accepted her death. I can't tell you how I came to believe this but it does give me peace.

When I talked to my priest, he told me he thought that there are some things that are unforgivable - and this is probably one of them.

I don't like his answer. After all, God forgives all of us. Was he saying that even God wouldn't forgive my sister's murderer? I don't believe that is what the bible says. I mean, isn't that what the cross was all about?

McTwitchy and I were talking about this. He says he agrees with the priest - and that he can't imagine a heaven in which murderers, child-rapists and the like are in the same place as the rest of us.

I see his point.
But I explained that I think we, mortal humans cannot comprehend the magnitude of God's grace. We won't possibly understand it until we see salvation.

We talked some more, McTwitchy asserting that even the greatest forgiveness couldn't possibly justify such deeds. Even God couldn't forgive the Jeffrey Dahmer's of the world.

That idea made me uncomfortable. I started to think, "I hope He does." I hope God's grace and forgiveness IS that big. Because if not... if God doesn't absolve the most atrocious sins... then my 'small' sins don't deserve forgiveness either.

I'm not saying that I can begin to imagine how big this grace, forgiveness and majesty is... but I think I do believe that it is big enough to forgive even the truly horrendous.

Do you?

Tuesday, October 12, 2010


Quick update.
We are making a valiant effort to see each other as much as we can - an the frequency of our visits has really jumped.

I am careful not to press him about his decision, as he doesn't need more pressure. I try to be very supportive of all the steps he is taking. He has noticed, and appreciates it. The other night when I made an off hand comment about not wanting to be a nag... (I'm very committed to never being a nag!) there was alarm in his voice when he said, "You could never be a nag. I can't even imagine it. You are so supportive."

I think he really is crazy about me... and I've had moments of thinking that I might be falling in love with him. But the complications could overwhelm all of that - and that is what I am afraid of.

I'm really working on leaving this in God's capable hands.