Monday, August 15, 2011

Heavy on My Heart

I'm sitting in the airport waiting for a flight I didn't plan to take.

Early this morning my phone rang.  I could see the incoming call was from a family member, who I knew could only have bad news at that hour.  I silently prayed for a minor accident... instead it was my worst fear.

My dad died.
I howled. I cried and I moaned.
I still don't know much.  It was probably a massive heart attack.  My mom couldn't even get him to the hospital, he died about two minutes after she got him in the car.

My brother called shortly after, and we only talked for a few minutes - he had mom to take care of -  so I was left to sob and wail all on my own at 1:30 in the morning.  The first thing I did was open the laptop to book a flight home.
I called my best friend, waking her from a sound sleep - but it was the best thing I could have done.  She sat with me, states away but with me.

All I could say is that I was not ready for this.  I am not ready to live without my daddy.
I told her that my mom, my brother, his wife and kids were all able to be there and see him one last time. Being the only one far away is lonely.  It's even lonelier in a one-bedroom condo with no one there to wipe my tears, or hold my shaking body.

I couldn't in good conscious keep her on the phone... so I said goodbye and started throwing suitable clothes into a suitcase.
After another quick conversation with my brother, I went back to the computer hoping for an available flight earlier than 9:00PM.  I decided to look at flights to the next closest city and booked the 7:00AM flight.

I threw more clothes and shoes into my suitcase, realizing that I had to head to the airport in less than two hours.

I called a night owl friend to see if he could take me to the airport, but of course he was sound asleep.  I dropped off a spare set of car keys at my office so that he could bring my car home later... as I don't know how long I'll be out of town and I didn't want to park in off-site, long term parking.

The moment I got on the interstate, at about 4:20AM I saw that all three lanes were narrowed to one... and there was a long line of red tail lights before me.  I thought to myself, "Seriously?" and then prayed, half joking, "Part the waters Lord.  At least keep the traffic moving so I don't miss my flight."

The traffic was moving, but I started to wonder why there were traffic cones and no construction workers.   The next thing I saw was a police car in the next lane, driving backwards... then ahead of him, a construction truck with a worker picking up traffic cones!

I laughed out loud and said, "You are a gracious and wonderful God! Part the waters indeed!"

I'm waiting for the plane now.  My aunt and uncle are driving to pick me up from the airport.
I don't know what happens from here.

It is well with my soul... but heavy on my heart.
Thanks Bloggy friends.  Typing this to share with you has been a lovely distraction.

Saturday, August 06, 2011


Hello bloggy friends.
When last we exchanged ideas... I was intrigued by the gentleman who showed a real investment in getting to know me.

How do I explain what has happened since then?
How about: He's doing everything right.  Eh?  How about THAT?!

He asked me to meet him for drinks, with the possibility of dinner, because... in his words... he was optimistic that we would hit it off.   I liked that, but then for some reason, when he called to confirm, I was feeling skeptical (too much talking to girlfriends on my part! - that's a fine line you know!).

We met at a rather happening downtown place, enjoyed drinks and endless conversation, and it was obvious we would have dinner together.  The poor waiter had to leave and come back several times because we couldn't stop talking long enough to look at our menus!
Later, he walked me to my car and told me he wanted to see me again.  I agreed.

He had a trip planned and was out of town shortly after our meeting.  By that weekend, I was tempted to  text him, but reminded myself to LET HIM PURSUE ME!  Within an hour or two,  he texted me a greeting from his vacation. Nice.

We had another date in which he offered to pick me up.  For the second date, I decided that was okay as long as I planned to meet him in my building's entry.   When he buzzed, I ran downstairs to find him waiting with a lovely bouquet of flowers!  So we went back up to my place to put them in water... I was stunned by his sweet and formal gesture!

Dinner went the same... non-stop conversation.
He laughs at nearly everything I say... I smile like a dork the whole time.
He walked me to my front door and said that he was really enjoying getting to know me.  I agreed. A polite kiss and hug and we were off to our separate corners.  (really a 'polite' kiss, as I felt a cold coming on... and I was right.)

Out of town again... he sent me a meaningful message during his vacation time.

Oh... and he locks me in for a future date nearly a week in advance.

I will say, this same behavior in other men has made me uncomfortable in the past.
There was a guy who brought me a dozen roses every time he came to see me, and it just came off as overkill.  Maybe that's because I don't really care for roses.  (seems the second they are cut, they smell foul to me)
I wondered for a second or two, if downloading a sampler of my favorite band was a bit much... but something about his approach ... it all struck me as sincere.
So this man seems to be hitting it out of the park right now.
I'm not saying I'm falling for him or anything just yet, but I have the attentions of a very good man and I know that.

Meanwhile, McTwitchy has detected that I have someone else in rotation.  He pointed out that he senses that I'm being distant...  and if I am, it's not intentional... I've been pretty busy with work... and then with some dates, so I haven't been available for McTwitchy...  plus a stupid head cold...  but oh,  I didn't tell you that he seems to be suddenly falling hard for me.  I told him if he wanted a third chance with me.... that he would have to be serious.  Have to have a plan and know what he wants.   I still don't think he's ready to do that... honestly.
So I don't know what he expects.
That's a whole other kettle of fish, as they say.
He asked me if this new guy had potential.... well, what could I say?

Yeah, loads of potential!