Friday, February 15, 2008

It is a truly fine and elegant drink

Can't stop laughing.

For Valentine's day, Mr. Burns decided to take me to the little mom 'n pop indian restaurant by my house that I enjoy so very much. Really, it is unbelieveable how good the Saag is there!!

The problem with dining with me... never mind all my food allergies... is that I really prefer sparkling water with my meal. I love San Pellegrino.

But I know from experience that this little restaurant only has Perrier, and that will do just fine. I also remember from another time at this restaurant, that the same waiter was more than unfamiliar with just exactly what Perrier is. During last night's visit, we learned that he didn't remember anything from last time.

So anyway. Mr. Burns orders a beer and I ask for a Perrier. And to be clear, I described what I wanted... a bottle of sparkling water.

In short order Mr. Burns gets his beer and the waiter asks me to repeat what kind of wine I want. Not wine, sparkling water. Okay. He goes off.

He brings us our flatbread and tammerin sauce... yummmmmm. It's kind of spicy so by now I'm really wishing for my water.
Another 5 minutes go by and the waiter tells me he'll have my bottle out in a few more minutes. Meanwhile I'm staring at bottles of Perrier behind the counter staring back at me. Taunting me.

Before long, I see our waiter with the manager, pulling bottles of imported beer out of a bar fridge looking for whatever it is he's dying to bring me. I wonder what they're looking for.

Next, our waiter arrives with an ice bucket on a stand and sets it next to our table. (I'm crying right now trying to find words to relay the story!!!) Mr. Burns and I exchange glances. He's pretty concerned. We are quite positive that Perrier rarely comes with bottle service!!

Mr. Burns shoots up from his seat - over to the counter and explains that I just want bottled water. (can't breathe!) He comes back and says he was worried they were going to open a bottle of Dom Perigone or something!! And he didn't want to pay for that.

The waiter apologizes profusely - takes away the ice bucket and brings me a plastic bottle of Perrier. He thought I asked for sparkling wine - thus the big production to locate it!

Oh my word.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

My Funny Valentine

Mr. Burn's and I have had brief conversations over the past year that we've been dating that revealed that neither of us care too much for Valentine's day.

I once told him I'd rather get flowers in August when they are reasonably priced and a surprise.

I never want him to feel obligated to get me something.

Last Sunday we were going through the Sunday paper and I saw all the JCPenney and KMart ads with all the heart shaped jewlery (which I personally, find not only goofy-looking, but hideous).
In a moment of self preservation turned to him and said, "I'm sure you never would, but I just want to be clear. Don't ever get me anything like this."
He replied, "I wouldn't."


So Mr. Burns called me today on my lunch break and said, "Happy Valentine's Day. I didn't get you anything." I said that's fine. pause. "Did you get me something?" He asked. No. I made you something. "You made me something? Crap."

Tee hee.

Originally, I had no plans to get Mr. Burns anything but a card for Valentine's Day. Then I was talking with my friend Kimberly - telling her one of those stories about little frustrations in a relationship - a story in which Mr. Burns was frustrated with my habit of identifying different meanings to words that he viewed as inocculous.

For example, "But you keep saying it's fine. Then later you're upset about it!?!?!"
I had to explain that 'fine' doesn't mean, "great. that's super. It means that I accept that right now and I'm not ready to give up on you just yet."

After this exchange, Mr. Burns blurted out, "Well. If I had consulted the TRS to English dictionary, maybe I would know that!"

Kimberly cracked up at the story and suggested that I make him a TRS to English dictionary for Valentine's day. I couldn't resist! I thought I'd go to Kinko's to use their Publisher program and color copiers and spend about $5 on the little project.

Wrong! An hour of computer time cost me $14 and several pages that printed out too big cost me a bunch more! Oh well. I was giggling the whole time and left rather satisfied about my little gag gift.

So when he came over this evening to take me to dinner, I presented him with a card and his little wrapped gift. (the card nearly made him cry) I told him the gift was something he once mentioned he would find useful.

He was completely confused!

Finally he got it open and saw the 'binding' which read, "TRS to English Dictionary" He burst out laughing. Then he turned the book over and over reading each of the tidbits I came up with...

Along with the title, the front cover read: "The standard reference tool for certain men named Mr. Burns - seeking to communicate with certain women named TRS."

Then on the back: " The beauty of this reference source is its adapability. It is designed to be added to and modified for years to come. A flexibility unparalleled among all other reference guides."

I also added reviews - "This is the essential tome for effective discourse. I couldn't put it down."

"Undeniably clear and concise. No other reference is comparable."
"Redefines terminology in an easy to understand format. A must for all men."
and my favorite.... "Understated. Refined. Superlative." !!!

He didn't stop laughing until long after he'd read every word!
It was a big hit.

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Milestones or Assumptions?

Losing a child has to be the hardest thing God asks anyone to face.

I've been following a story here in Denver on the case of a Colorado woman who moved to Georgia. She was back in Denver for Christmas, returned to Georgia and was suddenly missing on New Years Day. Turns out she went for a hike with her dog and encountered a wanderer who murdered her.

Story here:

The murderer was sentenced to life in prison last week. At the sentencing, her father spoke about his regret that he'll never walk her down the aisle at her wedding, or hold a grandchild.

Why is that always what parents say? That they most look forward to seeing their child get married? That they expect them to have children?

I understand that they are talking about milestones, but why does everyone assume that everyone is going to get married and reproduce?

I mean no disrespect to this woman's family. I understand the loss. My sister was murdered at the same age as this woman. But my parents never said a word about missing her wedding. Maybe that's because she already had a baby. I don't know.

I bring this up because as someone's child... if that's the big event my parents were looking forward to... well I feel like a lousy kid. I'm almost 38. I've never been married. I've never had a kid because I don't want to raise a kid without a husband. I realize that even if I do get married someday, my parents may not be around to witness it. Does that make me a failure? One basic thing that my parents want for me and I can't even give them that!

My thoughts also go to the children who hear this expectation come from their own parents mouths... even though they might be gay. Can you imagine the pressure of a poor kid who knows he or she will never have ANY interest in the opposite sex - to learn that the big day their parents are waiting for is a wedding day?!?

Maybe it comes from knowing a great love.... and wanting nothing but a great love for your child. Maybe that is the supreme happiness. Maybe that's as good as it gets.

But to me, it's almost like saying that unless you find that love... that dang near impossible to find love... that your life was somehow empty. And I guess I find that insulting because I don't view my life as empty.

Maybe some of you folks who have fallen in love and bred and reproduced can enlighten me.