I called my friend Joki on his birthday a little over a week ago. He told me about a new girl he's been seeing. Just a handful of dates but he really likes her. I know him and I know that he gets excited when he really likes someone.
We're alike in that way. When I find someone who is clearly not a waste of time - I visualize a future.
We both fall hard when we fall. I've seen him when he's smitten - any girl should be so lucky. He's super cute, and funny, and wickedly smart, oh so talented, kind and thoughtful and did I mention cute?
So, he confided in me... worried that he scares women off because he falls so hard. They maybe aren't used to a guy who isn't fighting a good thing. They get freaked out.
He asked me if I thought he should wait to ask her out again, even though he wanted to go out with her on New Years Eve.
Conventional wisdom says - yes - wait it out. Don't be over eager.
But I know Joki - because we dated briefly - and let me tell you it was the best time of my life!
When we were dating I never wondered when he would call or if he would call. Because he called. Whenever he wanted to. Without some silly standard waiting period to appear cool. When he didn't call - he emailed little hellos several times a day. He wanted to see me as often as I wanted to see him. There was no game playing. We never had to edit our thoughts or our words because we both knew we were accepted and understood. It was so wonderful!
So that's what I told him. "Joki, if you want to see her - ask her. Don't hold yourself back because then you're not being authentic. Yeah, there's a chance you'll scare her off - but if you pull back - you are not presenting your true self.
"And Joki - I believe that you will find the woman who appreciates you, your enthusiastic nature, and your sincere heart. The girls who scare off aren't right for you to begin with. You need to find the woman who is thrilled when you're enthusiastic about her. Because that's what a good woman deserves. A man who is enthusiastic for her. She will love that she doesn't have to question your sincerity. I know because I remember how that felt."
Last night Joki and I met another friend for drinks. After a little chit chat I asked with a wink, "So, how's the girl?"
All I could do is shake my head. What is wrong with these women? How is this man single?
He wonders the same thing.
Here is one man who is doing what a man is supposed to do. He's pursuing. He's decisive. He wants a committed relationship. He is not playing games. Do you have any idea how hard that is to come by? Those women are idiots.
My only answer is that the women he's meeting must be shallow to a degree. I haven't met them but maybe they find him too short or not enough PhD.
It really ticks me off. I know he'd be a loving faithful husband and a great, fun and sexy daddy. If there is a man out there who should really be a father, it's him.
Let me tell you - the woman who figures that out will be the luckiest woman in the world.