Sunday, January 04, 2009

Meeting People

I went to a yoga class today at a studio I'm considering joining.

I arrived somewhat early and placed my mat next to the one cute guy in the room. Covertly eyeing him in the mirror, I noticed the gold band on his left hand. Figures.

At one point during the class, I struggled with a pose. The crow. In which you balance your knees on your elbows and hold your entire weight on the palms of your hands.
Mr. ICantFigureOutWhichActorHeRemindsMeOf executed it perfectly.

He whispered encouragement to me. I responded that this was my first week back at yoga after a 5 year absence - I can get into position but I'm not strong enough to hold it.

After class he apologized for smiling during my struggle. We chatted a little and I learned that he's been practicing yoga for one year. We talked about what a difference it makes in ones' strength and flexibility. We are both converts. He assured me that I was doing better than a beginner.
He was very nice and friendly - but not overly so considering the ring on his finger.

Of course I couldn't help but wonder if he has a single brother!

So married folks - here's my question: Would it be horribly inappropriate to ask a man (in some way) if there is a reasonable facsimile of him, available out there in the world?
I'm sure there's a greater likelihood of a guy taking such a query as a come on - when in reality - I intend it to be compliment AND a serious inquiry!!

Of course there's always the "develop an acquaintance and see if he offers to introduce me to someone" approach. Which seems to take so long and never yield results!
Maybe just a simple: "You seem like a good guy. Can you think of anyone you'd like to introduce me to?"
The problem is - I think married people should constantly be thinking of who they could introduce - and they really don't tend to do that! So selfish!

As I've said before: I'm never not looking. In fact, I'm always plotting ways to meet a good man! Except of course if I'm already dating one - but that should go without saying.


Ronnica said...

I'm always looking too, but I'm not bold at all. I would never say something!

J said...

From my married this case, it seems that you don't really "know" this guy very well (your knowledge being based on the short interchange you guys had) and you say something to the effect of "hey, I would really like to date someone like you...", you are actually kind of complimenting only his physical appearance. Since that is really all you know of him.

As a married lady, if someone complimented my husband in that way (kind of saying, hey you are pretty good looking...), I would be uncomfortable with that. I think my husband's ego would be stroked and he would think "wow, women other than my wife are intersted in me". While that is not an earth-shattering thought, for some men who struggle with their thought lives, or maybe are going through a tough time with their wives, that could be just the kind of trigger that could cause them to stumble.

I'd just recommend praying and asking God to show you if there are any ways you could potentially be causing a married man (a brother) to stumble before you decide to take that action. If you can't pray about it...that would be another indication that it isn't a good idea.

Katie said...

For what it's worth, I've always got you in the back of my mind.

If I run across a nice, funny, religious engineer I'll email you ASAP!

And for what it's worth, as a wife, if some nice girl asked my husband if he had a brother I wouldn't mind at all. But maybe that's just me...

Stacey said...

In a strange way, I agree with both J and Katie here. If a friend of mine said she'd like to date someone like my husband (to me or to him) I wouldn't take offense. But if a stranger whose intentions I didn't know approached him with the "Do you have a brother" I wouldn't be as comfortable. The other point is that my husband does have a brother (who is married) and they are as different as night and day! I guess I'm just saying that Yoga Guy may have 5 brothers, none of whom may be as interesting/attractive to you. Certainly I understand that you're always looking and you don't know which avenues might lead to a great guy to date/marry. I think if you got to know someone a bit better it wouldn't be inappropriate at all to ask if he knew someone you could meet.

Oh, and I'm always on the lookout for some dashing gentleman with no ring on his finger -- for my sister in law! I feel like such a stalker sometimes. :)

auntie said...

I don't think it would be inappropriate to ask him if he knows someone and/or has a brother, etc but not until you know him a little bit better, i.e. you're at the point where you've asked about his wife, job, you know his name, that sort of thing.

As a single woman, that's how I would be comfortable approaching the topic with a married man that I'd just met. Let us know what you do!!

TRS said...

Thanks for your thoughts everyone.

I did consider that blurting it out early would surely be viewed as a come on - intentional or not.
We did introduce ourselves so I do know his name - - and of course it wouldn't even be natural until we chat a few more times.

J - I did consider the impact even an innocent comment like that might have on his marriage. "Hey honey, some cute little thing asked me if I had a brother! ha ha." And suddenly he's never seen at that yoga studio again!

And yes, I am only acquianted with his appearance, friendly smile and warm demeanor - but if you recall dating at all - that's all any of us ever have to go on before we decide we're interested in learning more.

I'm just so impatient. I want it NOW! I'm really tired of being alone.

and Katie - Thanks for the support. I'd love to meet anyone you would think to introduce me to! It's obvious you have great taste in men!

Sarah said...

I'm married and think about setting everyone I know up with someone all the time. Harly anyone ever asks me. The one time I did she would not even look at the guy the entire time we were all out. I felt bad for the guy. I went out with people I didnt like but I never acted like that. It was very rude. Then she didnt talk to me for a few weeks and I work with her, altho not in the same office. Sorry jumped off a little there. But if I knew you I would totally scope out some guys and introduce you to them.

Anonymous said...

Have you seen the film Amazing Grace...if not, you should. You won't be disappointed. However, my point: in the movie, Wilber Wilberforce was 'set up' by his auncle and auncle's wife and though both he and the lady did separately insist that they didn't need 'help', it turns out the instincts and love his relatives had were right on. They spent a day talking and then decided to marry. So this is based on a true story. I'm not certain whether there was any additions to the plot for effect, but when I saw this just a week or two ago, I seriously had the thought: How nice of that married couple to try to introduce him to someone they thought would suit him and vice versa.

Married couples could be doing this, or at least be seriously praying for their single friends who do want to be married. You make a great point!