Thursday, May 20, 2010

Yeah... okay

Yeah... okay I'm feeling a little bitter lately.
Give me a few days. I'll get back to normal.

Just keep in mind that you don't know all that is going on in my life. That has gone on in my life. That which I do without. That which I have sacrificed. That which I put up with.

You have not walked in my shoes. You are not the one who cries with my parents. You do not have my family, or my past or my experiences. Nor do I know all your circumstances.

I will say, I have sacrificed plenty. I have been the victim of other people's whims. Right now, a dear friend of mine is feeling the painful results of some childish people's whims... and I am working to hold her up as she goes through it. As a result, some of my dust has become unsettled as well.

I am feeling bad about spouting off the past few days... but not bad enough to take my posts down.

Some people (who call themselves Anonymous... oh the bravery!) have pointed out that I'm no fun now that I'm in pain. Well boo-hoo.

If you can stick by me... know that I will stick by you when you are dredging through murky waters. In fact, I will even if you won't.

Blessings! I love my bloggy friends.


Liz said...

Never delete posts! Unless there's some very good reason (like libel...).

How you feel is how you feel and you have a right to express it however you like. If people don't think you're fun, so what?! You're being real and honest and that's far more important!

I'm guessing that you (like me) write far more for the catharsis than the feedback from your readers. Sure, positive, affirming comments can brighten up the day, but it's not the most important thing.

Really praying that things improve for you soon. x

Anonymous said...

Hey TRS,

I don't even know where to begin. I guess firstly to say that I am sincerely sorry for your heartache. I know times are tough and it is a bummer. And no, you shouldnt feel bad about 'spouting' off btw; your feelings are 'yours' - and they count. If something makes you feel bad, then it is real, and it is a problem even if it may not be to others.
I've been reading your blog for a long time now, i dont even know how I found it now. I guess I never left a comment because I thought I never had anything useful to say. But I feel as though to some extent I have gotten to know you a little, from your crazy neighbour, to how you found mr Burns, to your amazing and unearthly lack of fear of heights, to your family who sent you that beautiful card (was it a birthday one?)anyway....recently I was waiting with baited breath to see if McTwitchy was the right one. Im sorry he wasnt, but really Im so glad you found out now rather than later, you dont have to waste any more time if he is not the one.
I feel for you and your pain. I understand your need for companionship, for a cuddle, for noise in your home, your hurt over your gaping hole. I was there once, Im married now ( hanging on a thread though) but yes I get it, the need for a husband, and children. And yes it IS natural, it is why we have been created for each other.
I do believe everyone has been given a 'balance' by God. Well almost everyone. It seems everyone I know has some sort of trial in their life - a part, or several parts of their life where there is hardship, tears and frustration. I know I do. And most people I know do to. I know the only One who will not let me down is God. I know He is Just and Kind and Fair - even though i may not see/understand it. And when I hit hard times (which is almost always it seems) I try to just hang on to my faith (Im a Muslim btw) in Him, and hope and pray that ease comes - bringing with it peace and joy. Keep praying to Him, and dont lose hope.
I know it is hard, really. But you can do this, you can keep stepping forward and persevering. That's where the satisfaction lies in the trying.
And most of WILL keep reading, even if you do decide to moan your way through the next year!! Feel free!
Hugs, Roze.

Rachel said...

It's not fair to think that someone is 'perky and funny' all the time. It's not realistic. And that's one reason I love to read your blog. You are perky and funny almost all the time but more importantly you are real. I love that you are real. And when we're real with ourselves I think we have a good grip on life.
Thank you for being honest.
I hope God brings you a smile today! We're picking strawberries here in NC this morning. If you were closer we'd invite you to come along. :)

~ifer said...

You have the right to be bitter. When life gets tough, we are allowed to have the times when we aren't strong, when we aren't smiles, when we aren't happy.
Don't apologize for being real, that means more to most of your readers than you think.

Anonymous said...

Hi Trs,
I’ve read your blog in the last couple of months and you articulate, in a very eloquent way, what i feel as well. I understand to an extent (because every one’s pain is different) how you feel.

You see, I’m single and unemployed too(been out of work for close to a year now) and can relate to the things you write, your words echo what is in my heart and right now, i wish i could hug you.

I understand how the approach of a milestone birthday such as 40 can make you look back at your life and feel sad. The things that you thought would come naturally (which came naturally to others) are yet to come to you. And you don’t know why, and sometimes, these are things over which you have no control over.

I’m going to be 32 later this year and no one has ever shown an interest in being with me, and that hurts a lot, in different ways i cannot begin to recount here. Am i not good enough for anyone? Not pretty enough? Or whatever the criteria is, will i marry? Will i have children? Holding on and having faith for something to happen which is taking a long time in happening is a very emotionally draining experience. A couple of posts ago, you talked about the pain of never having and i could empathise to a great expense. You can’t imagine how i long to go on a date, just one!

My job went with the recession last year, getting another one is taking longer than i expected, and without a job, you loose the ready companionship the workplace provides.

Dear TRS, i understand your feelings, I wish i could do something tangible to soothe you, to ease the pain a bit at least but i have no pat answers or insights you don’t already have.

In His Love,

girl from florida said...

I agree with what Rachel said- NO ONE is perky and happy all the time. Sometimes people leave the most hateful, cruel and hurtful comments on my "down" posts (I've even cried at what people have said), but then I just delete their comments and try to move on.

I don't comment that frequently, because I'm not really sure what to say without sounding trite and giving a response that has already been said a million times. But you truly do inspire me (I just told you that in another comment the other day). You write about your pain and your emotions so eloquently and I feel that I know you. I feel like you are one of my girlfriends, confiding in me over coffee. So I just wish I could hug you. Then set you up with my brother or another equally cute man :)

Stacey said...

Hey friend,

Just getting caught up on your last few posts. I always, always appreciate an honest blogger who is willing to share the ups and the downs of their journey; the good, the bad, and the ugly. I applaud you for doing that, and I want you to know I'm sorry you are going through all of this hurt. Sending virtual hugs doesn't seem like enough. I will certainly be lifting you up in prayer.

Fairweather friends (or even readers) are hard to deal with. I've also found that with my particular blog topic, there are some readers who are right there when you're hurting but bail when you have a victory. That hurts, too.

Just want you to know that you have my support. I hope you will be encouraged by those around you today, and take comfort in knowing that you are God's treasure.

TRS said...

Thanks everyone!!

Your kind words and prayer have done wonders for my spirit today.

Still have some dark clouds to deal with... But thank you for your support.

Kelley said...

That's for being honest! We need that in this time and world. No one is fun and perky all the time - that's just not reality. Those that try to protray themselves that way are fake. When we are real and honest we learn from each other. Whether it's how to solve a similiar problem or just how to handle a problem with grace, we need to see that side of life as well. Keep being honest! We need that in this life!

BlueCastle said...

There are bloggers who only blog the "happy stuff" and they get condemned for not "being real". Just know that there are always those folks you will never make happy. :) I am rooting for you. It's your blog, it's your life, and even though you are in a rough patch right now, I have faith that you will come out of it a better person.

Jennifer M. said...

It's okay to be grumpy and sad. I've been feeling a lot of that myself lately. I think blogging about it can be very cathartic actually. It helps us deal with our moods and also brings us other people who can understand our moods.

And actually, I thank you sincerely for blogging about your moods - I sometimes feel guilty myself about blogging about such things. You have reminded me that this is normal and not something that should be shyed away from.

Please keep being authentic. It's very inspirational.

Heidi said...

I often wonder how people would react if I told them the truth about my life and my struggles. They don't know. They CAN'T know. And I wouldn't want most people to be able to relate to me and what I've gone through, because it's been no picnic.

Because of that, I try to be kind in my judgment of others. We don't know what demons they're fighting and it's not necessarily up to me to condemn.

That said, I get a feel about you through your blog that you are strong and kind and very very loved and that you've been through some hell. If people are unwilling to acknowledge that, I wonder what delusions are in their heads.

Please keep blogging. We're of different faiths, but I think we have a lot in common, including our struggle to be what God wants us to be and our love of Jesus Christ.

Jenn said...

I just read this post too! I'd love to ditto all most of the posts ahead of mine. You do not have to be happy/sunshine all the time. You be you!

Be Blessed!!