Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Home is Where the Heart Is

About a year after my dad asked me if I had thought about buying a home... (this was the height of everyone buying everything, and home mortgages were a dime a dozen)  ...and I said no, no way, nada ... about a year after that, I thought maybe I should buy a home. Dad was sneaky like that, making suggestions without really even suggesting anything. 

I was living in about 400 square feet and realized I could get more square footage with a mortgage than I could paying rent.

I found a realtor and looked at a few places. Some were okay, they didn't feel like home. More often than not I would drive by a really cute place with a for sale sign, call my realtor with the address and he would say, "It's not in your price range." after a week or two of this he changed it to, "TRS, you have great taste. Champagne taste and a beer budget!" Oh the laughs.

Then I spotted a place that looked cute and was in my price range, and arranged for the realtor to show me. When I walked in, I immediately liked the layout, and it was filled with beautiful sunlight. The hardwood floors were just refinished, textured plaster walls, coved ceilings... I could see myself living there - and not just for the length of a lease but as home.

I stood against the far living room wall and realized I wanted to live there.
I had hoped for a second bedroom, maybe a dining room separate from the living room, and a balcony... but having seen other places and prices I knew this fit me even if it didn't have everything I was looking for.

Suddenly, I realized I had to make a decision. I turned to the realtor and said, "Oh crap. Now I have to make an offer!"

Well duh. You're looking for a home and you found it. It's commitment time. ( I only looked at five places and I bought the fourth one I saw! Geeze, I wish dating would work like that!) 

I remember thinking it was similar to what some of my friends told me when I asked how they knew the man they were planning to marry was the right guy. Or at least choosing the wedding gown. How do you know?  And of course the answer was always, "When you know, you know."
Oh the annoying.

And I certainly knew about my condo. I could make a commitment.
Sure, now almost ten years later I have some frustrations, some tough times. I need to make some repairs. I'm having problems that other people in my building aren't having, and it doesn't seem fair. Oh the challenges.

On the other hand, I also finally have it decorated the way I want. The right furniture, the right feel. We've really settled in well together.  Oh the joy.

Needle scratches on record. Topic change.Sorta. 

And now that is how I see the men I date. Only opposite.
I've said before that it's not uncommon for the men I date to tell me that I'm everything they've been looking for in a woman - but they're going to pass.

I guess they're not ready to take the plunge. I'm not even talking about marriage... just commit to dating!!
I find it so strange. If you've found what you're looking for... grab it... hold onto it! Make it yours!
Why wouldn't you?

Something about men today is preventing them from the Carpe Diem.
I don't know if they don't have the guts, or if they're dealing with fear.

But I get it, a little bit. When I found my condo, I was kind of surprised that I had to make a commitment. Even though that's what I was looking to do!  It was overwhelming.  This was all so sudden!
So men, I suppose, are thinking, "Wow, this is everything I've been looking for.... what the heck am I supposed to do now? Commit? Argghhhhh. I... I .... I can't. Must run!"

When I was introduced to my condo, I didn't want to think about NOT making it mine. I wanted it to be mine. Even if it was a little scary. It was completely uncharted territory for me. I didn't have my parents help me, they didn't even see it until months later. But in order to make this home MY HOME, I had to do it.

I'm willing to do that with a man. If only I could find one who was brave enough to take the plunge!
Maybe they're holding out for a balcony. Or a dining room.  Or a dishwasher. Who knows! I really don't think I'm out of their price range. hmm.
Maybe I am everything they're looking for - but I just don't feel like home.

In which case I would suggest dating me for a month or so to be sure. After all, I had to go through the mortgage process for three months before the deal was sealed! It wasn't instant. There's far less risk in dating for three months than committing to buying a home, for Pete's sake.
Dating, engagement and marriage is a much lengthier, and less fun process!

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