Saturday, June 22, 2013

One Hour Photo

It's not very often that, as a single woman, you meet someone who seems to be just what you've been looking for.
Someone with a strong faith life, a strong work ethic and who is fun to spend time with, to laugh with... who you're also attracted to.  Wait. What? That happens?

I embarked on a blissful few weeks of dating... with a gentleman who is indeed all gentleman, opening doors, planning great dates, making me all smiley and happy. And oh, the laughter!

We had plans for Saturday, after he got back from an errand in a neighboring town, and after I had a massage appointment. I was with friends at a farmers market, when he texted asking if we could meet any earlier than our planned 5:00. I needed a shower after my 1:30 massage and I didn't see that I could be ready before 4:00. My friend thought it was so sweet that he wanted to see me sooner. Aww.
We ended up having a great date that night. Learning more about each other and laughing together.

Then, after our Saturday date, I had a bad vibe on Sunday when he didn't text me his usual greeting. By the end of work on Monday, he still hadn't followed up... and my bad vibe got worse when someone asked me how it was going with him. I thought I just had to guard my heart a bit rather than allow myself to get too excited.  ( good tips from The Veil of Chastity)

Then that night he emailed me, saying how much he enjoyed getting to know me, how I was clearly a smart, faithful, beautiful Catholic woman, just as he's been looking for...  He even said he doesn't find a single fault in me. But that he prayed in adoration, and it was revealed to him that we should not pursue a relationship together.

Seriously? You get answers just like that? As if God runs One Hour Photo? I don't know about anyone else, but God doesn't answer my prayers instantaneously. At best, I see His answers in hindsight. I think most of us do.

Dear sir, I think you're putting your own fears on God, because you're too scared of the answers. Too scared to really put your heart out there and see what happens.

And an email? That's no better than a post-it note! And I thought you were a gentleman.

Funny thing is, when I think about it, for that hour after work when I felt the lack of confidence about what I thought he felt... I'm quite certain that was the hour he was in adoration.
And it took him the rest of the evening to compose that email. He said himself, he labored over making sense of what he had to say. No wonder... When in the same breath you say how I'm everything you're looking for, but you're going to pass.

I don't know, but a woman would never do that. A woman would see the gift and ask God for support. Because God doesn't run one hour photo!


Anonymous said...

Ugh. I am so sorry this happened. An email, huh? Yeesh. The post-it note episode you shared was classic. You will be the first on on my Divine Mercy Chaplet prayer list today. God love you as you walk through this pain......Cindy

Lizzie said...

I'm delurking to say I'm so sorry to read this and I am so cross on your behalf. AAARGH! Just to give you some context - I'm 36, single and have a 9 year old son (I was never married to my son's father) and I continue to struggle with the lack of a man but my longing to be married! I'm based in London, UK.

A male friend of mine (who is married) said something recently which I thought was so helpful re: the whole 'I'm discerning a relationship with you' type thing or 'I prayed and sensed God saying it isn't right' etc.
This friend said that when he was 'discerning' marriage, he was challenged by his spiritual director to do what he WANTED to do - if he was honestly trying to do God's will and wasn't doing anything that was against Church teaching or Scripture then he could work out his next steps by thinking about what he wanted to do.
This led to take the risks with his now wife 'I WANT to ask her out' 'I WANT to spend more time with her'.

I have been feeling so optimistic for you reading the last couple of posts and I'm sorry for how things are at the moment. I will pray for you both.

God bless you, Lizzie

TRS said...

Thanks Lizzie! That was exactly my point in not buying the "I prayed about it" bit.
No. Don't blame God. Do what is in your heart because God put it there!
That's my frustration with him even discerning in that way. Everything is going well... You even asked to see me EARLIER than planned... You're clearly interested. Do want your heart wants and the truth shall be made known.
As you said, if your heart isn't leading you to do something against church teaching or scripture... Why the need for discernment?

The way he did it was chickening out (as we say in America) and I would prefer he told me that I'm too flat chested or my but is too small or I laugh too loud!
But to blame god for being a chicken is NOT the way to go!

So thank you Lizzie for that confirmation. It means a lot to me!

Andi said...

Hi, TRS - Have you seen this blog post floating around about "how I know my wife married the wrong person"? I'm not going to attempt to link it but if you google that title it should come up. I'm not saying I agree with it 100%, but I do think there are some really valid points and it's an interesting read. The biggest point being that so many people (and of course I believe men - even or especially good Christian men - are more guilty of this)have unrealistic expectations of finding the perfect soul mate and feel that if someone isn't just ideal for them then they are settling. I don't know. It's a fine line. I don't believe people should "settle", but I also think we have to have realistic expectations of others and of relationships. (By the way, this is directed at your one hour photo playing the God card Dude - not at you).

TRS said...

Thanks Andi!
I scimmed over parts one and two of that blog, but tonight I'm not in the mood for the thoughts of happily married folk.
What is more painful is, I agree with all he is saying.
And it's a little frustrating to yet again, have all my thoughts and actions confirmed as "the right way" when doing the right thing leaves me alone.
Please don't think me ungrateful for what you are sharing. I am very appreciative. And I appreciate that you clarified your reason for linking to the blog was for my Chicken-shit suitor and not for me! Ha ha!

As an aside... I found a comment in my spam folder - from another blogless blogger (like Pablo) who is less than charitable to my plight.
I think maybe I'll leave it in spam. Hmmm?