It was where we went to vent about crazy viewers, reluctant sources and grouchy assignment editors to name a few topics.
Sometimes the conversations got personal. Because it was a place where you could gather many opinions from a variety of people - some folks would toss out a relationship issue or two just to see what other people thought, for validation or discernment.
Let me tell you, I was amazed at what I learned. Men were very forthright about what they thought and what they expected. Sometimes it was shocking, from the "Gee, and I thought I dated @-holes." point of view.
These years later, one exchange still sits with me. Somewhere in the thread someone offered, "If he doesn't love you the way you need to be loved, you're going to have to move on."
A young man piped in, saying, "That doesn't seem right. What if I love someone as much as I am capable of at the moment and it's not enough for her? Does that mean I don't love her? I do. She should just give up on me?"
I don't remember how it went after that. But I think about it every now and then.
Today, I think I have the answer.
See, a friend pointed out that McTwitchy speaks my Love Language. Even more so, it looks like our love languages may be the same, maybe even the same dialect! In the case of Words of Affirmation, it meant a lot to me that he told me he missed me. Truthfully, it sent me over the moon!
I recognize too that it means a lot to me, because I never heard those words, not ONCE from Mr. Burns over three years. Okay, maybe once or twice - but come on!
So that got me thinking about all the effort that I put into that relationship with Mr. Burns - and how it's so clear now that it was never meant to be. I realize now that he couldn't tell me he missed me - because he didn't. He couldn't tell me he loved me - because he didn't. Imagine his frustration when I was more-or-less demanding these things from him and he couldn't even understand those emotions!!?
But you know what - he maybe did love me. Just not how I need to be loved.
I need to be accepted. I need to be cherished. With ease.
Instead, I was told how he wanted me to be (and I'm sure I did the same to him.)
- On an airplane, he wanted me to read the Bible instead of a fitness magazine. I'm obviously not opposed to reading the Bible, but on an airplane I want recreational reading. I felt he judged me for that.I asked Mr. Burns to read the Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. He did, and it seemed as though he got it. Although when we discussed it, he tried to tell me that my love languages were not what I thought they were. Ladies... there's your sign!
- If I was cracking up over a stupid joke, he just looked at me as if he were embarrassed - of me and for me! I want someone who just loves the fact that I'm laughing.
The bottom line, I think - is that someone may love you, but if it's not in the way you need to be loved, you are going to be disappointed. Maybe even miserable.
It doesn't mean that their love isn't valuable or meaningful. It just means that it's not for you.
It's sad. It's heartbreaking.
But you deserve the love of your life.
I deserve someone who loves to hear me laugh, no matter what I'm laughing at. I deserve someone who lets the little things roll off their back. Someone who accepts my explanation for why or how without having to nitpick it to death or demand that we agree on it.
So far, McTwitchy offers me that. The relationship is easy, and comfortable. I understand he may not end up being The One - but he sure is good practice!
We laugh at the same things. He doesn't shy away from my hugs (Mr. B would shrug me off if I clung too long ~ There's another sign ladies!!!) He constantly alludes to my good looks and good figure - and I don't even care if he's making it up!! (Which is a welcome change from someone who kept telling me what to improve.)
It all points to a person who maybe loves me the way I need to be loved. He sure is liking me the right way.