Monday, August 23, 2010


I readily admit that I require attention.
Come on, I was the youngest child of three - obviously I never got enough attention to begin with!

I recognize that need for attention can be overwhelming for a man - and in dating, it's something I try to work on. I'm certainly not an attention wh*r#, but I do like to know that I'm on someones mind. A glance at my mobile phone showing no texts or missed calls can make me pout a bit.

So it's really interesting to realize that while McTwitchy is out of town (across the country - and going into week three now) I can text him and wait two to three days for a response... and it doesn't upset me.
Sure, my lower lip might stick out, but since he can't see that - it's okay... and overall I'm not upset about it. He's freelancing for a new company and the work is very hands on, so I understand. I also understand that his personality is similar to mine, in that when he is submerged in something he puts all distractions away - he won't even look at his phone until he has at least two hours to deal with it.

This may not sound like much - until I realized that this is new to me.

I am really frustrated with comparing so much with McTwitchy to that with Mr. Burns... but when you've given three years of your life to someone - their behavior can stick with you a while.
Besides, these comparisons always put McTwitchy ahead - and I've learned that Mr. Burns makes me appreciate McTwitchy all the more.

With Mr. Burns, I had a bit of anxiety about hearing from him even though he called frequently. If he was out of town we probably talked twice a day.

Seeing that I'm okay with McTwitchy taking two days to respond to a text has taught me that the difference is... I don't have anxiety over how McTwitchy feels about me. I am secure about that - even though we have not 'declared' anything about our relationship. When I do hear from him, it's something sweet or reassuring. I really feel that he's thinking about me.

Conversely, I never felt secure about how Mr. Burns felt about me. I was always looking for confirmation of our relationship. Burns withheld terms like, "I miss you." or even uttering the word 'Love' whether it was directed toward me or not.
Once, while I was driving him to the airport he told me not to be upset if he didn't call me while he was gone. Needless to say that didn't sit well with me. I told him I wouldn't be upset, I would just know that he wasn't thinking about me - and draw my conclusions from that!

When McTwitchy texted me the anticipated schedule for his return, he wrote that he needed some "____ love" which would have to wait another week. (don't worry - nothing dirty - just not worth typing without including a lengthy explanation) It wasn't until Kikr pointed out to me that he'd used the word 'love' nonchalantly - thereby distancing himself in leaps and bounds from Mr. B, that I even noticed!

The difference really is that McTwitchy is comfortable in his own skin. He has no pretenses... he's just himself... which is just like me. And he's a grownup.
And I LOVE that!


Genevra said...

Hmm, I found this post so very interesting. I like it. I don't have anything to add on to your thoughts other than that. :)

TRS said...

Genevra - you make me smile!!

I just did a quick review of love languages... and realizing that McTwitchy is all over it! Can't wait til he gets back! I actually think that his being gone is good for me to slow down and reduce my expectations. Now I'm wondering how it will go when he is back.

I like him.

Rachel said...

Sigh. It's so sweet. :) I'm smiling in happiness for you.

Anonymous said...

a man that doesn't communicate while dating doesn't change after marriage. the excuses just get old!!!

TRS said...

@ Anon -
That is a fair warning and I thank you.

I am trying to discern just what his communication style is... and for the most part he communicates with me very well. Just not often. And I don't know if that is a result of his busy schedule, or a part of his chemical makeup!

I will be keeping a close eye on this.