Thursday, March 11, 2010

It's Ugly Out There

EDIT UPDATE - Scroll down!!

It's time for me to actually get out there and meet people.

After a break up, it's natural to hibernate a bit. I'm dipping my toe in the online dating pool, but it's pretty depressing.

I'm turning 40 this year and when I look at the available 40 year old men - I really regret having saved myself for some crusty old fart!
(I know, I'm sorry!)

When I was a kid, it seemed 40 was the kiss of death for women - but nowadays - let's face it, 40+ women look fantastic. (Sandra Bullock, Kelly Ripa, Sarah Jessica Parker, Madonna, Halle Berry)

My girlfriends all look fantastic too! And it's not all about genetics, about being blessed with good looks - they work to look this good. It's called being fit.
(actually, I am lucky. I don't work out much anymore, but I'm still thin - though I'm not in the shape I'd like to be. And I've always looked at least 4 years younger than my actual age.)

But men my age... yeesh - they look awful!
(not all of them of course - but enough for it to be disturbing)

Never mind looks. Charm can easily outweigh looks, but these guys are clueless about pursuing a woman. There is a reason they're single.

I just gotta share this exchange with this guy.

First of all, he posts a picture that doesn't even identify his face (a no-no on dating sites). An obscured face tells me he's cheating on his wife, or otherwise on a dating site in some undercover capacity.

And the fact that the only picture he does post, is all about his physique - which is nice, don't get me wrong - but it suggests that he is only interested in the physical.
To be clear, this guy isn't 40 either. They really seem to go downhill the moment they turn 40!

Proceed with caution.

Here's our exchange. It took an entire week to get this far:
Him: just want to say hi
Me: (okay, that's not much to work with but I'll bite.)

Him: youre a doll

Me: (Hmm, no punctuation. Sloppy.) Yes, well... You're a man of few words it seems.

Him: ah, as are you i see

Me: No. I'm a woman. And I am a talker... writer... very wordy. But you haven't asked me anything.

Him: so you only talk if asked questions? what do you write about?
I guess I've had enough of this... or maybe I'm premenstrual...

Me: Not so much that I only talk if asked questions... but I do expect a man do something that resembles PURSUIT. You know, show some interest. Want to know something about me. Have a desire for me to know something about you.

When a guy says nothing more than "Hi." and only shares one picture that shows more of his muscles than of his face... a woman tends to think he's not so interested in building a relationship. So I sort of need to see some effort on your part. Right now, I get the impression that I'm supposed to be impressed with your body and just get on my back.



I'll admit that I didn't put much hope in the exchange to begin with because he identifies himself as 'non-religious'. That's not a deal-breaker though, because I figure he might still be worth getting to know. That identifier doesn't tell me anything about what he does believe.

Mostly, I'm bothered that he's hiding his face and flaunting his body. Yes, I want to meet a guy in good shape - so now you may accuse me of talking out of both sides of my mouth.

But the site allows you load as many photos as you want - which allows you to show many aspects of your life.

If you choose to only post one - and it's this one - I just can't believe you have intentions toward a real relationship. I'm guessing you only want a physical relationship. And if you back it up with meager communication - I think my suspicions are confirmed.

So, it's time to start getting dressed up and going out. March Madness begins soon. I only need to round up a girlfriend and sit in a sports bar filled with real live, breathing men!

So - Mr Non-Religious Fireman responded back. I quote... verbatim: "ok. no thanks"

ha ha ha ha bwwwwwhaaa ha hah!!!


erinannie said...

As you know, I'm Team TRS all the way.
I think you and I need to come up with online dating protocols! A few rules for what to say, how to say it, how to make a good first impression, etc. Because truly the men out there are just pathetic. I've seen what you are describing way too often. When the first line of a profile is about how he likes going to the gym and keeping fit, all I hear is, "So let me see your naked pics to decide if this is going anywhere." Sorry dude, not going to happen.
And grammar. Oh my goodness the grammar. (I'm probably misspelling grammar, just like I always misspell misspell.) "Let's eat Grandma!" and "Let's eat, Grandma!" mean two very different things. I wish more men online knew that.
How does one know if she's passing over too many good ones because his profile is pathetic or if she's being way too open-minded by allowing the creeps to approach her?
The world needs us, TRS. Let's teach them the way they OUGHT to be!
(Sidenote: as a girl who is most likely going to have to move to a new town very soon, which means relying on the interwebz to make new friends and find new places to go, i have a vested interest in making the world a better place.)

Anonymous said...

Ugh - he is totally not worth your time. I try to be open-minded when it comes to meeting new people, but sometimes your first impressions is right on and then it is just better to cut bait sooner rather than later to avoid the frustrations!

TRS said...

Okay Erin... let's right an article or a book on the subject. We need the money!

Rachel said...

As my brother would say, 'what a wiener!' :) I agree you should totally write a book about online dating protocol. Your humor would put a great spin on it. And if you need a 'wingman' for your foray into the bar for March Madness I wish I was close enough to help out. I love basketball. :)

Rachel said...

Thanks for stopping camera is a Nikon D40. I love it. I've only had it about 6 months.

Anonymous said...

Don't write off all 40+ men...despite quite a big age difference I am dating a lovely guy who is about to turn 50....he is in great physical shape, looks much younger than his actual age and is the loveliest, thoughtful, respectful man. He was originally uncomfortable with the age difference between us but did point out that there are not many 'age appropriate' women who are still attractive and looking for a relationship- many of those who have been married before are emtionally fulfilled by children and not looking for a romantic relationship.

I wish you luck in your search.

TRS said...

OMG! I only just now noticed that I used right instead of write! GAH!

They're getting to me!!!
{hangs head in shame}

Anonymous said...

we know how you feel I will be turning 50 this year, and haven't dated, but the one guy I told you about, total jerk head. Now 50 is the new 40 and so on, everyone thinks I don't look it, and they are surprised when I tell them this is what I will be, Dec 31st, I read your friends blog, that went to Haiti, and IM the same way giving up, but, I tried the site, Plenty Of Fish, it's free, you might want to try it, I had responses but, ugh!. Some just didn't feel it. I go to the movies and feel lost in some of the love ones and just tell myself it's just a movie, how does that happen? but, I guess it can. Never Give UP!

Genevra said...

You are awesome. I LOVE that response.

I find as I get older, I become more comfortable with being blunt when I am annoyed with someone's behavior.

The sad thing is too many woman aren't that blunt. They continue to give the man who clearly isn't worth their time a chance, all because they are afraid it might be the best there is at this point. Which then let's guys out there think that sort "pursuit" is entirely acceptable. I'm all for being open minded and giving people a fair chance, but not when you are the one putting forth an effort that isn't reciprocated.

Again, good for you TRS!!

Leah said...

Love it. Yep, been there, had to be blunt, done that. My conversation though was "so is this religion thing negotiable?" Me: "hmm let me see, the foundation of my life, faith, how I view eternity- - or a guy I just met at a football it's not negotiable". :o) BTW..I have instituted rules for all the folks who seem to think setting me up on dates is a national past time. They are:
1) What do we have in common? And none of the responses can be he's single, breathes, or walks upright.
2)How do you know him, how well do you know him?
3) The set me up; you are going on the date with us. I NEVER go on a set up without the setter upper now. It has saved me from many a bad date. It forces them to take some responsility and think about what it would actually be like. If they are willing to go then so am I.

Love your blog, thanks for sharing your thoughts. Always good to know we are not alone in this!

Anonymous said...

i had a conversation similiar to this on a website i am on. it's more of a social networking site and less of a dating site... but some guy was trying to hit on me, but clearly knew i was taken. trashy.

TRS said...

So trashy. Tacky!

Anonymous said...

You sure told him! LOL

Good going!

Heidi said...

This is why I won't do the internet dating thing. I remember my dad suggested it a few years ago, and I just said "I'd like to meet them in person so I know right away if they're creepy liars instead of guessing." He's since stopped suggesting online dating. :)