It's a strange transition from being devoted to one guy for almost three years - to being totally single and looking again.
When we broke up in the interim, in the winter of 2008 - I forced myself to move on, but I didn't feel pretty. I didn't feel good enough. But darn if I wasn't putting myself out there.
Fact is, throughout my single life I have been utterly clueless about men finding me attractive or flirting with me.
I recall, when I was a reporter I was sent out to some bar to cover the debut of the XFL (Extreme Football League) The game started at 8:00pm, the location was a 40 minute drive from the TV station - and we had to have the story written and edited for the 10:00 news.
So the photographer and I had a plan: He'd shoot cover video, we'd get some random soundbites and haul our butts back downtown to the TV station.
So when some guy with a couple cans of courage in him, came up to tell me that if I interviewed him, I'd have great material to get a job with CNN - and continue to insist upon it - I was just annoyed. What a pain-in-the-arse! Can't he see I'm working?!
On our way back downtown, I vented to my photographer.
"TRS, he was flirting with you."
Then my photographer friend pointed out that he noticed men were flirting with me all the time - and he was amused that I never saw it!
I guess I just never feel that desirable.
I always felt that I'm constantly putting myself out there - and never get any feedback. Always picking out guys that I'm attracted to - but sensing that they don't know that I'm there. At all.
So it's interesting that these days, I'm noticing men noticing me.
Yesterday, I ran a quick errand at the mall. Despite my better judgment I decided that I deserved a Chai Latte from TakeURBucks.
I ordered and paid, then went to stand at the end of the counter to wait for my finished drink.
There was a guy my age waiting there too, talking on his cell phone. I assessed, he was kind of cute but not fantastic. Nice eyes. The kind of guy who looks like an unmistakeably nice guy.
His drink came up and I overheard him end his phone call. "Listen, I gotta go. Call you back in a few."
He rummaged around looking for a straw for his drink... it was a yellow-green, frothy concoction. He turned to me and said, "It looks like something I would have refused to try when I was a kid."
True. We talked about it's mango, banana goodness... the finicky nature of children... and I realized - he ended his phone call just to strike up a conversation with me!
It didn't go anywhere - but gee - it's nice to be noticed.
I'm definitely noticing that men are looking at me differently these days.
Could it be that they can see that I know now that I deserve love, that I'm ready to find love and I'm open to meeting someone special.
Or is it just that my hair is passed my shoulders?!