Thursday, February 04, 2010

Relief

I didn't expect this. This feeling of hope. Of expectation.

For about two days after the break-up, I spent the time mourning my lacking fertility. Sort of: "Oh great, almost 40 and single again... what great odds for reproduction."

After Mass on Sunday, I spoke to a casual friend (someone in my social circle - someone whom I like - but we're not extremely close)

She: "Are you still seeing...?"
Me: "Actually we broke up on Friday..."
She: "I've been wanting to introduce you to my friend S."

Seriously, she didn't even want to know more about the break-up! It's like she knew it was over and I was ready to move on. She explained that she'd even brought him to church once - so I could meet him - and that's when I was with Mr. Burns. She turned to her friend and said it looked like I was taken. That was three years ago. She's wanted us to meet for that long.

So that gave me a little hope, that maybe there is someone right around the corner. It could be S. It could be someone else. But the point is - I feel hopeful. I was afraid I would feel destitute. I was focused on being 'old', out-of-shape, out-of-work and out of contention for any good, Godly man seeking his life's mate.

The Lord's tender mercy pulled me out of the 'Woe is me' phase - faster than I expected. I am so grateful. (No doubt in part to many prayers from my beautiful bloggy friends - and my fabulous in-real-life friends too! Thank you!)

Mr. Burns stopped by this evening to deliver various things that I had left at his house. Serving dishes from our Christmas celebration, my weight set, other random stuff.

As we wrapped things up, I noticed he looked happy - and remarked on it.
He told me I looked happy too.
It was tough for both of us to realize that we were responsible for keeping the other from this easy happiness. That the weight that was dragging us down - was in fact our relationship.

Now we're both free. It's time to move on.

11 comments:

~ifer said...

I am so glad for you that you have this sense of calm and peace. It says a lot about you, and about how this is the right move for you to be making.

Heidi said...

I'm glad for you!

Rachel said...

Yea! Hopeful and happy is sooo good!

Stacey said...

Way to go, TRS! I love reading that you are moving ahead, happy and hopeful. Hoping with you that greater things are just around the corner!

TRS said...

Thanks everyone!!
It's really weird though, seeing us both happy. It makes me feel like - it shouldn't be that hard to be happy AND together. But maybe that's just what it is.

I always felt if he would just CHOOSE to be happy - he would be. And it kills me to realize that he just couldn't be happy with me. Ugh.

Still - moving on. Maybe it was too much pressure.

Kelley said...

I'm so glad you at a better place. I don't know you and you don't know me. I don't remember when I started reading your blog, but I have enjoyed hearing your story. And I have prayed for you and a few other single bloggers. God hasn't forgotten you. His plan for your life is just different. I pray that you continue to feel His tender mercies.

Genevra said...

I totally just screamed in delight for you. I just love Heavenly Father and timing of things. Maybe it will turn into something, maybe not. Only time will answer that.

Maybe it was to much pressure, but maybe it was you and Mr. Burns learned what you needed to learn from each other and you both were ready to move on. Being ready to move on doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. It still does. It does sting when you realize that the other person wasn't happy with you and vice versa.

But oh TRS what a flattering gesture coming from a casual friend and what a great boost to your self confidence at a crucial time. Best of luck my friend!

TRS said...

Genevra - you have to be one of my favorite bloggy friends!! Your energy is so real and so contagious.

You have the one quality that I so love in my Real Life friends... which is the ability to ramp up your excitement to meet the joy in other's lives. That is the epitome of compassion - that you feel what others feel! You are a blessing!
I delight in you. you rock.

ALL OF YOU ROCK!! I love my bloggy friends.

Caribbean Shulamite said...

This post makes me happy!
Praise God! He has his eyes on (((you)))

Knot said...

Doors may close, but they also open.

joyerickson said...

I'm really glad you're feeling okay and moving on. It's so hard though isn't it. You keep moving forward.

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