I didn't expect this. This feeling of hope. Of expectation.
For about two days after the break-up, I spent the time mourning my lacking fertility. Sort of: "Oh great, almost 40 and single again... what great odds for reproduction."
After Mass on Sunday, I spoke to a casual friend (someone in my social circle - someone whom I like - but we're not extremely close)
She: "Are you still seeing...?"
Me: "Actually we broke up on Friday..."
She: "I've been wanting to introduce you to my friend S."
Seriously, she didn't even want to know more about the break-up! It's like she knew it was over and I was ready to move on. She explained that she'd even brought him to church once - so I could meet him - and that's when I was with Mr. Burns. She turned to her friend and said it looked like I was taken. That was three years ago. She's wanted us to meet for that long.
So that gave me a little hope, that maybe there is someone right around the corner. It could be S. It could be someone else. But the point is - I feel hopeful. I was afraid I would feel destitute. I was focused on being 'old', out-of-shape, out-of-work and out of contention for any good, Godly man seeking his life's mate.
The Lord's tender mercy pulled me out of the 'Woe is me' phase - faster than I expected. I am so grateful. (No doubt in part to many prayers from my beautiful bloggy friends - and my fabulous in-real-life friends too! Thank you!)
Mr. Burns stopped by this evening to deliver various things that I had left at his house. Serving dishes from our Christmas celebration, my weight set, other random stuff.
As we wrapped things up, I noticed he looked happy - and remarked on it.
He told me I looked happy too.
It was tough for both of us to realize that we were responsible for keeping the other from this easy happiness. That the weight that was dragging us down - was in fact our relationship.
Now we're both free. It's time to move on.