Surfing around the bloggy world, we encounter women struggling for the perfect home, -either via decor or via the provisions of freshly baked muffins- to be the perfect mom, to have the perfect outfit or perfect body.
Is this what we are meant to seek?
When I was a small girl, I recall asking my mom about heaven. I think it was shortly after my Grandpa died. He'd been in wheelchair at least as long as I had been alive.
Mom told me, "When you get to heaven you will be perfect. No one has any flaws, no sickness or disease in Heaven."
She was trying to tell me that Grandpa wouldn't be 'crippled' in heaven (we used that word back then.) But my young mind didn't quite get it. My thoughts wrestled with the idea and I wondered if heaven wouldn't be a bit boring if everyone looked like Cheryl Tiegs and Tom Selleck. How would I even find my grandpa in a crowd of Cheryls and Toms?
Because even then, as a seven year old - I knew what the earthly world I lived in, held as perfection and those two beautiful stars represented it!
This is one of my favorite photos of myself. Taken back when I really loved my thin, muscular little body - and immersed in God's glorious creation! Yes, it's dark due to back-lighting but I can still see the deep rocky canyon and the rushing waterfall in my mind's eye. (September 1999)
Lately, I've been beating myself up over my appearance. My friend sent me pictures he took of us just before Valentine's day - we went to a charity dance and I wore my favorite little black dress. A dress that I trust to look fantastic on me.
In the pictures though, it is obvious that I have lost the majority of any of the muscle tone I once had. The beautiful dress is just hanging off of me. I am ashamed that I have let God's gift of my body waste away. In my younger years, I photographed beautifully because I was strong and firm. These days even my face is suffering the effects of gravity. Must get back in shape!
I have also allowed a stranger to confirm my worst fears, if only for a minute or two.
I signed up on a free dating website this weekend and started searching for Catholic men. I am encouraged to say that I found more than I expected! I sent a quick e-mail to one very cute Catholic guy who listed sleep as one of his 'interests'. I thought it was really funny and titled my e-mail with, "man after my own heart!" thinking he might be amused.
When I went back to check correspondence, I saw that he had deleted my email unread. My first thought was, "RUDE". Then I reasoned that he checked my profile before reading the email and decided that I wasn't pretty.
Fortunately, God intervened in my pity party and told me - "Good riddance."
Indeed. Who wants to spend time with a man who doesn't even care what I have to say?
God doesn't ask us to be perfect. Only that we seek perfection.
And that doesn't mean a hot body, or hot muffins in the kitchen. He wants us to seek Him - and to strive to be like Him.
I want to get back into shape, to look better - Yes. I'm scouting for men again, and if I get to wear a wedding dress some day, I want to look good. But I'm going to focus on doing what I can with this body God gave me - to glorify Him!!
A couple years ago, my bible study class went over Genesis and the story of Creation. Through our discussion I realized that our goal is to reach the utopia that was
Here on Earth it easy to think that nothing is enough. Because it isn't. We are too far from God to be whole. Not being enough right now is nothing to be discouraged about.
Perfection in Heaven doesn’t mean that we will all turn into Claudia Schiffer.
What a beautiful realization to understand that when you and I reach perfection – we’ll look just like you and just like TRS – the difference is, it will be enough!
5 comments:
This is a very tough subject for me. These are truths that I KNOW, but that I cannot seem to get my heart to believe. I constantly battle against that feeling of "not good enough", and in realms beyond that of the physical. How do we convince ourselves that we are loved in spite of ourselves? How do we really, truly, with all that we are, believe that what the rest of the world says isn't what is important?
These are questions that I wish I knew the answers to.
Beautiful post...
I second that it was a beautiful post. I often wonder how we can be so kind to others, yet so hard on ourselves for the exact same thing or imagined flaw we see in ourselves.
love your post, TRS: would like also to pray for me this, week I lost a dear friend waiting on Autospy, she is 33 yrs of age christian and single mother, she collasped in her bathroom and they tried to revive her, we will know this week.
Thank you and I enjoy the post!.now waiting on my bff's niece who is in the hospital as they found a mass and waiting for diagnoses and treatment.
Terry - you'll be in all our prayers. Your friend and her children too.
God Bless.
Ah, yes, the struggle to be perfect... It's amazing how much time I have wasted on trying to be what I can't be here on this side of heaven.
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