Okay, I must be in some kind of mood.
I feel like calling other people out on their judgement. Trust me, I know I have my own hurdles... and I am working on those.
But right now, I'm so irritated by a friend's way of thinking I just have to get this out.
She is venturing into online dating - which we will all admit is no cup of tea.
She told me about meeting a guy who was very nice but she wasn't attracted to him. So she's not going to see him again. That's cool, we've all been there. But then she proceeded to tell me that she will only read the profiles of guys she finds hot via their pictures. Again, sure... we all want to find someone good-looking. Attraction is often the initial basis for getting to know someone. If you talk to this woman though, (and I've known her for years) it is clear that her number one criteria for a prospective boyfriend/husband is looks. (guess what number two is?)
Yes, she is beautiful. She is in top physical shape and wears clothes like a model... both in style and fit.
I made efforts to point out that pictures don't always represent someone's real-life appearance. Even some very attractive people don't photograph well. In a particular example, I used to photograph very well, but 10 years later... not so much.
Doesn't matter, she's going for looks.
I can't argue with her. She won't listen. But what I'd like to say is... if you think a hot body and good looks are key criteria for a good husband, or a good relationship... I don't hold out much hope for that relationship.
I don't think she's ever experienced that phenomenon in which the more you get to know someone, the more you like and respect them... the better looking they become to you.
That's what love does. That's how love develops.
Yeah, it is a struggle. It is important to have that initial attraction. Though I don't think that's even what she's looking for. She seems to be looking for hot hot hot!
I mean, I think there's a difference between someone you really can't stand to look at - and someone who is a little less than your 'type'. Some very, VERY attractive people will never qualify as HOT. But I happen to think those are the most interesting, most attractive people.
I'm not advocating for dating someone you think is ugly.
I want to say to her, "Well, if you looking for shallow - you'll find shallow, and I don't think it will make you happy."
I am more focused right now on finding someone who shares my values, beliefs and morals. Someone who is going to be crazy about me, will want to take care of me, share life with me and see me through lifes' ups and downs. (I just started seeing someone who seems to meet that criteria - and I'm waiting to see if the hot steamy attraction kicks in... but for right now, knowing that he's aching to see me, that he enjoys my company, and I his... is a quality start.)
It takes a certain amount of vanity to look the way she wants a man to look, and I hate to stereotype, but I'm afraid my friend who is looking for Hottie McHottersen, is going to be disappointed when she finds he cares more about the condition of his abs and biceps more than he could ever care about someone else's well-being... and he may even start to become critical of the quality of her abs and assets.
Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe they'll be perfect for each other.