Friday, October 14, 2011

People Who Need People

It started in college.  It continued in my 20s. Again in my 30s. It still happens today.
Quite frankly, I'm sick of it.  And they're wrong!

I'm talking about the people (women, mind you) who have contradicted me.

Picture me in my college years... I wasn't much of a dater (not a big demand in college for girls who don't put out) I would date a guy now and then, no steady boyfriend until my senior year. In my frustration, sometimes I would declare, "Ugh. I need a man!"
Someone would pipe up, "You don't NEED a man."
"Fine. I want a man."

I don't have to tell you how many times this scenario played out.  Perfect strangers (always women) would emphasize that I don't need a man.

This past winter, I was at a church activity chatting with a woman with whom I'd lost touch.  She's only a bit older than I, married, with two cute, cuutttteee kids.  She asked about my dating situation and after my response we determined she would have to do some recruiting. When we left, we ran into some her peeps (other parents with kids her kid's age) out by their cars, she introduced me and advised that they should be on the lookout for a good available man for me.  They were sweet enough to ask about my preferences, and we joked a bit about the availability of men with said qualities... and in mock frustration I wailed... "Listen ladies, I just need a husband!"

Someone chimed in, "You don't NEED a husband."
"Fine. I want a husband." I replied, automatically. Then, "No, I'm over 40.  I NEED a husband.  This going home to an empty house and sleeping in an empty bed every night of my life is BS! I want, and NEED a husband!"
(let me just say the woman who said it, is living with her boyfriend... they're both divorced but not marrying yet because he doesn't have an annulment - so, you know, she can talk the talk - but obviously can't walk the walk.  hrrumphfff)
Freaking feminists.
They're the ones who started the whole stupid thing...  Gloria Steinhem and her ridiculous, "A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle." idiom.
You know what... a fish doesn't need a bicycle.
I think the better comparison would be, " a child needs a bicycle." Because a child can certainly survive without a bicycle, but I guarantee the kid's childhood is better, more fulfilling, more adventurous and more complete with a bicycle in it.

You may disagree with me, but I believe that my life would be more complete if I were blessed with someone to share it with.

The worst thing the feminist movement has done was to convince men that they're not needed.  So many men think women don't want them.  Don't need them.  Or worse that women only want them so they can have the babies they so desperately want... or that they're holding out for five or ten years so they can get half the man's income in a divorce.  (because our society now believes that every marriage will end in divorce. )

Men need to feel needed... and an entire generation has sent the message that they're not needed.  No wonder they're afraid of commitment!

Not every woman needs a man, or a husband, or even wants one... and that's fine for them.  More power to 'em.  (More for me! ;-) ) But there's nothing wrong with wanting the traditional life and I for one will no longer apologize for it.  I will stand up to those freakin' feminists who think they're empowering me and other women by insisting we don't need men.

Screw them.  If it weren't for their stupid feminist ideas - I'd be married by now.  And so would most of my brilliant, gorgeous, kind and adventurous friends.

Thanks a lot for convincing men they're not needed.  You blew it for the rest of us.
Here's your cookie.


Anonymous said...

Amen! I struggle with saying that I need man because society does not allow us. I need a man.

Anth said...

Totally agree.

Jenni said...

yet again, you post precisely my thoughts/reactions in such a more coherent way than I am ever able to articulate. thanks.

Andi said...

This is one of my favorite posts of yours. I like your reframing of the feminist analogy. Gonna use that.

Genevra said...

Hmm, I think the most important thing to me when reading this post is regardless of the reason why you aren't married right now, the fact is you personally want and need that. That is what you feel is right for you.

I hope you get it TRS. More than that I believe that you will.

graceling said...

I'm not trying to be argumentative, but I thought this post was interesting.

See, I believe feminists did push this agenda- on men, on women, on the government... But neither you, nor I, nor any other number of women believed the feminist propaganda.

So why did the men?

We can blame feminists all we want, but I believe the people (men or women) who buy into the lie are just as culpable as those who perpetrate it.

What do you think?

TRS said...

I agree graceling.. it's those who fell for it who are responsible. But at the same time, when so MANY people drink the kool-aid, it's harder for the rest of us to maintain standards.
and often, some people presume that everybody thinks the same way... and impose their values on others.

for example, I'm only recently learning that there are many people who think women who are over 35 and not married... chose that because they wanted to be career women. so even those who set out to be wives and mothers but never got the opportunity, are colored as career women who resisted traditional roles. I'm working on a post about that coming up soon.