These days, I am putting some effort into online dating. I'm opening myself up to phone conversations with more prospects right now.
One guy called me while I was at work the other day... I was a bit put off by it. But rather than be hasty, I told him I'd call him back when I wasn't working. I was at home tonight trying to edit a photo session I did this weekend... and thinking I should call him... but that I needed to make progress in Photoshop.
Suddenly the phone rang - it was a different online suitor.
He started talking. and talking. He would make a statement and I would try to respond to him... but he would continue with what he was saying. Essentially talking over me. I was annoyed, but thought, "Maybe he's nervous. I'll give him some time to see if he corrects this behavior."
At one point, I even said something about seeing if I had hit the MUTE button on my phone - because he obviously wasn't hearing me. Still, nothing changed.
This guy has no idea how to have a conversation!
I would try to interject occasionally, to turn it into a conversation...otherwise it's just a monologue! But every effort I made was futile.
Finally, I would try to interject - he would keep talking - then I would sigh. Occasionally, he made room for me, and then started talking before I could finish my thought or point!! I tried a new tactic - interjecting with "What I was going to say... " More steamrolling!
This wasn't a 12 year old! This was a 40+ year old man!
I gave it a full 30 minutes and then when he mentioned that I sounded frustrated... I started to explain that I was feeling like he wasn't interested in anything I had to say. That he kept talking over me.
Then he interrupted to say something about me interrupting him!
At that point, all bets were off. I was going to have my say whether he was talking or not - and I told him that it's customary in a CONVERSATION to have some give and take. A little exchange of ideas.
He didn't hear a word because he was more interested in making his point - which was to say that I was too feisty - and that he didn't see any point in continuing communication with me. Communication?! Ha!
It got a bit ugly... and I expressed alarm that I couldn't be the first woman to make this observation. According to him I was! Oh well. Clearly no sense of self awareness. (could that play in to why he is divorced?)
The phone call ended and I was all spun up. I mean spun UP!
My phone rang again - and it was the guy from the other day. I was still so agitated that I blurted out what the first guy had done. Then I felt bad because there I was - dominating the first thirty seconds of conversation.
But this man listened intently, and expressed appropriate alarm in the situation.
Once I dumped it all out, I was able to settle down - and we had a very nice conversation. An exchange of thoughts and ideas... just as someone would expect.
It was so nice... and he was very engaging! I even joked that he was lucky the first guy was such a jerk - it made him look even better!
So I'm planning coffee with guy #2. Faith in humanity restored for now!