He's the sort of guy that you know is a good man - he volunteers, works with kids, wants to start an orphanage. Still, I didn't feel sparks of attraction. We got to date number three so that I could be sure I wasn't missing something.
For our second date, we met at a restaurant for dinner. I liked him a little better than after our first date. He's funny. Nice eyes, nice smile. But still no sparks.
So I was very surprised when he texted me shortly after we parted saying, "I wanted to kiss you."
Really? I hadn't gotten that sense at all.
When I didn't hear from him for more than a week after that... figured he'd given up.
Eventually, we planned date #3.
We went for a long walk with his well-behaved but hyper little dog. Then stopped at a restaurant beyond the park to have a little lunch. On the way back across the park, he told me about his ideas about faith. While it was interesting... it was, for me, a turn off.
You know when you look at online dating profiles and they say something like their 'own religion'? He's one of those. He even wrote a book about his theory!!
(I'm not going to describe or mention it here because I certainly don't want to drive his web traffic to my blog!!!)
Like I said... it was interesting but not compelling to me. I knew instantly that this is not someone I can partner through life with.
Que Sera sera.
But. He's a nice man and I didn't not like him.
So we sat and talked for a bit. He really wanted to kiss me.
I started to explain that I'm in a place in my life that I need to date more than one man at a time, and therefore, it would be awkward to kiss any one of them - because it would be unfair, mis-leading, and eventually kissing leads to other things - which then would make me dishonest with any other man I would be dating.
I feel I need to date more than one man at a time, because I tend to get all caught up and excited right away, to the exclusion of other options... then when it turns out that guy isn't right for me... there I am starting from scratch again.Anyway... he didn't let me get too far beyond just that I don't plan to kiss anyone for a while...
From here on out, I'm going to date a few men at once... until there is a stand-out who declares he wants me all to himself!
He sort of blurts out, "What, do you think I want to sleep with you?"
he didn't let me answer, he continued... "Of course I do. I'm a guy."
Then he explained that he believes everyone knows within three minutes whether they want to sleep with someone.
Him, me, everyone.
I wanted to argue, but I wasn't given a chance.
I wanted to say that sure, we might sum someone up as 'desirable' or not but that for me, I don't want to sleep with someone until I know that could potentially marry that person.
I rarely even decide if they are attractive to me or not, until I can surmise what sort of life partner they might make.
Sure, in the secular world people can boil it all down to sex and attraction.
But when you're looking for someone who has your salvation in mind... there is much more to consider. To me, attraction starts with... will this guy go to Mass with me? Will he care for me and my family? Would he agree to me staying home if we have kids? In short, does he value what I value?
So today, I got to thinking... counselors, writers, parents, society... all mock women for the 'gene' that gets us planning our wedding with some guy before the second date - but what they don't realize is for some of us, dating IS about planning a marriage.
This guy wouldn't even have gotten to our second date if my only criteria were whether I wanted to have sex with him! But I wanted to know his real worth... what sort of man is he?
To me, that's not so silly.
I only wish it were more acceptable in society to look for a life mate and not just to mate!
I guess I'm supposed to be flattered that he wanted to nail me!
Which reminds me of this...
Also, what if I told a guy, "If my main criteria for dating you was based on whether I wanted to sleep with you, we wouldn't have made it this far."
Howdoya think that would go over?!