Monday, July 19, 2010


Everyone deserves a second chance.
A very rare few deserve a third.

It's not the first time this has happened.
Not the first time that I've dated a guy and it ends, only to have the guy turn up later... usually within a month or two, asking to try again.

I actually counted on my fingers (because I am mathematically challenged) ... five times in the past 17 years of dating. (I'm not counting all of my years of dating - because I'm starting with the first time it happened)

First when I was about 23 or 24. It wasn't that we didn't like each other. It was more that we liked each other plenty and it was difficult to remain chaste. The nice Christian guy told me that he realized he didn't know what he had until I was gone.
I was young and inexperienced at dating... and I couldn't get passed the idea that I had just spent a month or so conditioning myself not to like him. He didn't get a second chance. (My mom scolded me for that one.)

The next time I was 30. It was The Caveman (whose nick name comes from his outdoorsy, hunting nature and desire for solitude -NOT- any particular political ideas.). He was obviously a country mouse and I am a city mouse. He offered to change. I told him he shouldn't have to change. He should find someone who loves all those things about him. I'm quite certain he did.

Then came John-with-two-dogs. Our relationship never really got off the ground to begin with. He loved golf and his two dogs more than any woman. His call really did come from out of the blue. Could he try again? By this time I thought perhaps I made hasty decisions with the first two guys that asked for a second chance -- so John-with-two-dogs got a second chance. It ended awkwardly.

Then of course Mr. Burns.

Now McTwitchy.

So I wonder... does this suggest that I'm a good catch, a fun girl, who is hard to appreciate the first time around? Or does it suggest that I'm difficult to begin with? That I'm simply unforgettable?
Who knows!?

I could learn from those past experiences and I believe I have.
I could worry that it won't work with McTwitchy. But I have confidence in this one.

McTwitchy tells me he knew he couldn't spend the sort of time with me that I indicated I would like. He was going to be traveling frequently for one aspect of his work.
In his words, "I can't date her if I'm not even going to be here."

Now that I know how much he actually was gone - he was right. I may have been very frustrated. I probably would have gotten fed up and given up on him.

So maybe it's good that we got the break.
It was enough for him to know that he really did miss me. That he really does like me.
And it was good for me to see that I actually like him for being McTwitchy ... and not just because he was a nice, Catholic guy whom I found attractive - immediately after the Mr. Burns Breakup Part II.

Now we both know and appreciate how comfortable our little relationship is.
I knew it in May. He figured it out in July.

The BIG question is how this time/availability issue is going to work out.
I'm smart enough to know I can't expect him to change.
But being secure about how he feels about me - I can have more patience - and he can have more confidence.

We shall see!


Genevra said...

Just a thought and based on a thought provoking article I read on by one of my favorite authors which percolating in my head...I wonder if the fact that you've spent so much time being single, and the emotional crisis of the last several months, has not actually been the perfect preparation for you in regard to dating McTwitchy. Meaning you've been single and supported yourself a long time, you know how to be alone and how to make good use of your time. So the fact that McTwitchy travels a lot or gets caught up in his work, has the potential to not be a relationship killer if you choose not to let it be, because you know there are other benefits that outweigh this drawback. Plus, the type of drawback, little or huge, depends very much on how you choose to perceive it. And that perception might be dependent on how able you are able to live a fulfilling life when he is not around to pay you attention, which given that you have been single for a while means you have the skills to do.

Does that even make sense? It did in my head. :)

My point is, I'm happy you've decided to give him a second try. I'm not even opposed to a third try when both parties are both consistently trying and willing to make it work. Sometimes timing and some maturity make more of a difference than we realize. There are a lot of goals I never accomplished on the first or second try. :)

Good luck!

Please let me know if you didn't get my email. I tried sending it again. :)

TRS said...

Makes sense in my head too! You always have such a great perspective!
Will check!