Thursday, June 21, 2012

Single People Can't Do Anything Right!

You just can't please all of the people all of the time.
And no matter what you do, someone will criticize.

In the world of dating, people will tell you that "You have to put yourself out there!" and after months or years of putting yourself out there they'll ask, "Have you REALLY put yourself out there?" or "He's not going to fall through your living room ceiling you know!"

But then, if you really make an effort to put yourself out there... soon you'll hear from naysayers, screeching, "Don't try so hard!" "Oh my, you seem so desperate."  Um, weren't you the person telling me to put myself out there - to make an effort?

Let's not forget the people who decide that if you're single after a certain age that you're just too picky. But then, if you make an effort to widen your scope, and consider some of the men you may have overlooked before...  suddenly you're desperate!

Someone on the internet is very persistent in telling me how pathetic I am to be seeking love in my life.  I imagine from the point of view of someone who has been reading this blog the past couple years, it may seem that dating is my only concern.

Fine, I'll admit that after wasting three years on Mr. Burns, I was determined not to waste any more time. Knowing now what not to look for, what to avoid and what qualities matter most to me, I feel I'm ready for the right man to come along.

In the meantime, I'll write about the absurdity of men who post shirtless self-portraits in their bathroom mirrors, as if THAT's going to find them the love of their lives! And about men who over share about their divorce because they're newly single and forgot how to socialize.

This is the stuff single women face, and I'm here to show them that they're not alone out there, and that yes, it is odd for a man you've already met to try to contact you again through the dating site instead of with the phone number you gave him! Maybe there are some men who could learn something too!

The fact is... I don't have time to write so many blog posts any more. I'm working full time and I'm enjoying the warm weather after a long winter... so the posts I do write are about some of the things that stick in my craw.  And these days what really sticks in my craw are the thoughtless, careless ways people treat other people.  I see it not only in my dating life, but in my friend's dating lives as well. People just don't know how to treat people any more.

In an effort to stay on topic... I don't write about the volunteer mentor program for women in prison that I've been involved in, and how I met some of my dearest friends in that volunteer pool. Or offering my photography services and time, free of charge for a non profit organization that needs photos for their website.
Why? Because this blog is about dating.  Always has been, always will be.

Considering that the blog was created to share stories about dating - it seems perfectly plausible to me to keep the focus narrow.

So if it's just so very very sad that I recognize a call from my creator to love and be loved... to be a wife and mother...  and to be a mother with a partner, and not selfishly (from my perspective - no judgement here) bring a child into the world without the benefit of a father... knowing that I would have been forever changed without the influence of my own wonderful father....  then fine, I'm a sad, pathetic person who loves love and family. 

It's really, profoundly awful that I have so much love to give, and a big generous heart to share. 
Yes, I'm so needy that I spent the night in the ER with a friend on her birthday just so she wouldn't be alone while being subjected to tests. I am THAT self-centered. 

Am I supposed to tell you that I spent every spare minute of the last two months of 2011 sewing a quilt out my dad's clothes so that his youngest grandchild would have a tangible reminder of the man who loved like no other? 

No one gets a full picture of my life here.  Just a snapshot of the things I choose to share. 

But when the people who DO know me and love me and see ALL the aspects of my life, tell me that they just can't see a world where I don't have a family of my own, because it's so clear that I have so much love to give, and so much thoughtfulness and generosity to offer... who am I to argue? 

The views expressed in this post are mine and mine alone. Some views are expressed with dripping sarcasm.  I am not responsible for the state of mind of any readers who don't understand dripping sarcasm, and I refuse to apologize for any part of my thoughts or ideas. Anyone who doesn't like what they read here, is not required to read it. 
Sincerely, TRS


Andi said...

Yeah, the truth is, I'm not sure there's any RIGHT way or perfect formula for finding your soul mate anyway. Some people found him/her because they made an effort. Others found love "when they quit looking". (Gag - I hate that one). Everybody's perspective comes from their own personal experiences and does not necessarily mean that's how it is going to be, or even should be, for everyone else. I, for one, enjoy reading your thoughts. Thanks for putting yourself out there. (Both in the dating world and the blogging world).

Genevra said...

It is frustrating to see how people treat one another now. And everyone does have an opinion about what someone should do, but in the end that is all they are, opinions. Keep putting one foot in front of the other and living your life and giving that love to those you can at this time. I truly do hope you are able to find what you are looking for and dream of, because having a dream and a desire that doesn't seem to be unfolding in the manner you had hoped or thought it would, truly is a hard pain to bear.

Joyful said...

TRS, I don't comment often, but wanted to thank you for your blog. I enjoy reading it. I, too, am single and get some of the same comments from people about why I am not married. It's good to know that I am not the only one out there going through the dating process. We single girls need to stick together and encourage each other to keep trusting in the Lord's timing.

Anonymous said...

Love this! And I agree... it would be impossible to "show" all that we are online - nor would I want to. It's not the point of a blog to paint a complete picture for anyone.
I read blogs for a variety of reasons - to gather ideas, be inspired, be reminded that I am not alone with my struggles, and sometimes just to be entertained. Thanks for sharing a glimpse into your life. :)

knows best said...

most single people I know 40+ have created a life that is filled with love, fulfillment, and an understanding that Gods will is greater then theirs. your obssed with getting marrie. sad way to live in my opinion

knows best said...

truth hurts I see......cats got your tounge

TRS said...

Knows best... Huh?!

You don't know what you're talking about.
I'm not obsessed with getting married. I can see how it could appear that way IF YOU DON'T KNOW ME.

Cat got my tongue? What? I'm a little too busy to hover over my computer to see if a mean nasty b!t@h has left a comment on my blog. Sorry I haven't checked in. I have a life.

Speaking of which, what do you get from being so mean and negative to someone you don't know? Talk about a sad way to live.