Less Snark - More Self-Righteous

Okay, I must be in some kind of mood.
I feel like calling other people out on their judgement.  Trust me, I know I have my own hurdles... and I am working on those.

But right now, I'm so irritated by a friend's way of thinking I just have to get this out.

She is venturing into online dating - which we will all admit is no cup of tea.
She told me about meeting a guy who was very nice but she wasn't attracted to him.  So she's not going to see him again. That's cool, we've all been there.  But then she proceeded to tell me that she will only read the profiles of guys she finds hot via their pictures.  Again, sure... we all want to find someone good-looking.  Attraction is often the initial basis for getting to know someone.  If you talk to this woman though, (and I've known her for years) it is clear that her number one criteria for a prospective boyfriend/husband is looks.  (guess what number two is?)

Yes, she is beautiful.  She is in top physical shape and wears clothes like a model... both in style and fit.

I made efforts to point out that pictures don't always represent someone's real-life appearance.  Even some very attractive people don't photograph well.  In a particular example, I used to photograph very well, but 10 years later... not so much.

Doesn't matter, she's going for looks.

I can't argue with her. She won't listen. But what I'd like to say is... if you think a hot body and good looks are key criteria for a good husband, or a good relationship... I don't hold out much hope for that relationship.
I don't think she's ever experienced that phenomenon in which the more you get to know someone, the more you like and respect them... the better looking they become to you.
That's what love does.  That's how love develops.

Yeah, it is a struggle.  It is important to have that initial attraction.  Though I don't think that's even what she's looking for.  She seems to be looking for hot hot hot!

I mean, I think there's a difference between someone you really can't stand to look at - and someone who is a little less than your 'type'.  Some very, VERY attractive people will never qualify as HOT. But I happen to think those are the most interesting, most attractive people.
I'm not advocating for dating someone you think is ugly.

I want to say to her, "Well, if you looking for shallow - you'll find shallow, and I don't think it will make you happy."

I am more focused right now on finding someone who shares my values, beliefs and morals. Someone who is going to be crazy about me, will want to take care of me, share life with me and see me through lifes' ups and downs.  (I just started seeing someone who seems to meet that criteria - and I'm waiting to see if the hot steamy attraction kicks in... but for right now, knowing that he's aching to see me, that he enjoys my company, and I his... is a quality start.) 

It takes a certain amount of vanity to look the way she wants a man to look, and I hate to stereotype, but I'm afraid my friend who is looking for Hottie McHottersen, is going to be disappointed when she finds he cares more about the condition of his abs and biceps more than he could ever care about someone else's well-being... and he may even start to become critical of the quality of her abs and assets.

Maybe I'm wrong.  Maybe they'll be perfect for each other.

Snark Outlet

I can't say it on Faceb@@k so I'm going to say it here...
"It's nice to see you in clothes."

There's a FB friend of mine who was my colleague when I worked in a different town/city in the 90s.  I get it that she's in GREAT shape now - very fit - you could bounce a quarter off her!
In every picture she's in skimpy dresses, skimpy halter tops, tube tops, bikini swimsuits, etc.   I don't just mean that she's wearing halter tops... I wear halter tops too... but on her... I'm talking skimpy.  You know... the kind where you can see "Side Boob".  Know what I mean?

Sure, I'm envious.  My tummy was that flat for about a three months when I was 25. Her arms and abs are fantastic, b00bs defy gravity... and probably one reason her revealing clothes bug me so much is because I'm jealous.

But, the fact is... I actually feel a little creepy whenever I see her latest scantily clad picture posts.  I always have to resist the urge to comment, "Do you ever wear clothes?" because I am snarky like that! (so far - I've succeeded in my restraint. Yay me!)

If I feel that uncomfortable viewing her curves ... I pity the men who feel tempted when they look at her FB feed. How does her husband feel about that?

Today she posted a shot of herself looking fantastic in a long-sleeved, form fitting t-shirt.  Really looking great.   My first thought was, "You look so good in clothes!"
Let's face it, when you're that ripped you can still show off your shape and hard work in clothes that cover.

Vacation photos? Great, show off your tan... maybe even your bikini... I don't mind. But when all of your clothes make someone feel like they're looking at you intimately, it's time to rethink your wardrobe.

More so, it's nice to have flattering clothing but I've always subscribed to the theory to accent only one fabulous feature at a time.  Sinewy arms? Plunging back? A flash of leg? Not bad.  But not all at once.

Maybe if you have to show everything off - all the time... perhaps you're looking for more than compliments.

Ok.  Thanks for letting me get that off my chest.

People Who Need People

It started in college.  It continued in my 20s. Again in my 30s. It still happens today.
Quite frankly, I'm sick of it.  And they're wrong!

I'm talking about the people (women, mind you) who have contradicted me.

Picture me in my college years... I wasn't much of a dater (not a big demand in college for girls who don't put out) I would date a guy now and then, no steady boyfriend until my senior year. In my frustration, sometimes I would declare, "Ugh. I need a man!"
Someone would pipe up, "You don't NEED a man."
"Fine. I want a man."

I don't have to tell you how many times this scenario played out.  Perfect strangers (always women) would emphasize that I don't need a man.

This past winter, I was at a church activity chatting with a woman with whom I'd lost touch.  She's only a bit older than I, married, with two cute, cuutttteee kids.  She asked about my dating situation and after my response we determined she would have to do some recruiting. When we left, we ran into some her peeps (other parents with kids her kid's age) out by their cars, she introduced me and advised that they should be on the lookout for a good available man for me.  They were sweet enough to ask about my preferences, and we joked a bit about the availability of men with said qualities... and in mock frustration I wailed... "Listen ladies, I just need a husband!"

Someone chimed in, "You don't NEED a husband."
"Fine. I want a husband." I replied, automatically. Then, "No, I'm over 40.  I NEED a husband.  This going home to an empty house and sleeping in an empty bed every night of my life is BS! I want, and NEED a husband!"

(let me just say the woman who said it, is living with her boyfriend... they're both divorced but not marrying yet because he doesn't have an annulment - so, you know, she can talk the talk - but obviously can't walk the walk.  hrrumphfff)

Freaking feminists.
They're the ones who started the whole stupid thing...  Gloria Steinhem and her ridiculous, "A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle." idiom.

You know what... a fish doesn't need a bicycle.
I think the better comparison would be, "...like a child needs a bicycle." Because a child can certainly survive without a bicycle, but I guarantee the kid's childhood is better, more fulfilling, more adventurous and more complete with a bicycle in it.

You may disagree with me, but I believe that my life would be more complete if I were blessed with someone to share it with.

The worst thing the feminist movement has done was to convince men that they're not needed.  So many men think women don't want them.  Don't need them.  Or worse that women only want them so they can have the babies they so desperately want... or that they're holding out for five or ten years so they can get half the man's income in a divorce.  (because our society now believes that every marriage will end in divorce. )

Men need to feel needed... and an entire generation has sent the message that they're not needed.  No wonder they're afraid of commitment!

Not every woman needs a man, or a husband, or even wants one... and that's fine for them.  More power to 'em.  (More for me! ;-) ) But there's nothing wrong with wanting the traditional life and I for one will no longer apologize for it.  I will stand up to those freakin' feminists who think they're empowering me and other women by insisting we don't need men.

Screw them.  If it weren't for their stupid feminist ideas - I'd be married by now.  And so would most of my brilliant, gorgeous, kind and adventurous friends.

Thanks a lot for convincing men they're not needed.  You blew it for the rest of us.
Here's your cookie.

Head of Household

It seems that I touched on an intriguing concept in my last post - and I'd like to expand on that. Maybe we could have a continued discussion on the idea of the husband as head of the family.

Last year a dear friend of mine got married and I photographed the wedding as my gift to them. I published a photo book for them, and as I worked on the design, there was ample opportunity to add text in some places.  Knowing my friend as well as I do, I decided to include the scripture selections that they used in their wedding Mass, which included Ephesians 5:22-24

 ²² Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. ²³ For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. ²⁴ But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.

I had the finished publication shipped to work and when it arrived I eagerly opened it and showed a couple co-workers how it turned out.  Imagine my dismay when they exclaimed, "She let them use THAT VERSE at her wedding?!  I made ____ sure that wasn't so much as uttered at MY wedding!"  Then they bantered about how no way would they agree to submit to their husbands, to be head of household.

The more they agreed, the more I shook my head.  I wanted to tell them how wrong they were, but I knew I didn't have the right words at the moment.  I knew that they would just see me as the single woman who didn't really know anything about marriage.  I knew my input would not be well-received in that moment.

But what I wanted to point out was... when you truly believe that your man strives to live for God ... that there is no way you would be afraid of what he might do with that power.  In particular, I wanted to point out that in most translations the verse is, "Husbands should love their wives as Christ loved the Church."   AS CHRIST LOVED THE CHURCH!   Christ died for the church!

It calls for wives to respect and honor their husbands, yes.  But in the same breath, it calls husbands to be worthy of honor and respect.
Makes me wonder why so many people only hear the part that scares them. Is it that we only concern us with the part that makes demands of us? If that is so, then why are there so many men that only notice the part about submission - and not the part that calls them lead generously, to sacrifice themselves?
(actually some do... and that will be another post) 

I have yet to meet the man who I could be confident would lead in this way.  Therefore I am not married.  Quite frankly, sometimes I wonder how everyone else's marriage is doing if they didn't expect and anticipate this arrangement going in.  I mean, if you wouldn't trust your man to lead you - how could you be confident enough to marry him and keep your best interests at heart?  That's scarier to me than submission.