Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Pressure Cooker

Turns out it does upset me.
Waiting so long between calls and visits that is.

My patience was wearing thin with just one phone call from McTwitchy while he was away this last time. Then when his flight was changed and he came back into town a day later and didn't contact me for almost an entire week - I was hurt and livid.

I'm prepared to write him off. This relationship is over.

I was ashamed of myself for calling and leaving a voicemail asking what was going on... referring to an email from him that seemed more appropriate for his Aunt Betty, than for a woman he's supposed to be dating. Seriously kicking myself. That wasn't cool.

When we finally talked, what he revealed - redeemed him in my eyes. And it turns out, leaving that voicemail was exactly what I needed to do. Totally the right thing.

See, I've been waiting with as much anticipation as he... to learn what the company behind his Big City Freelance Job was going to offer him. Now he had the answer, but wasn't sure how or what to tell me - so he simply kept putting it off. (his words)

Bottom line, he has a very good offer to work in the The Big City and a month to decide.

Talk about a pressure cooker! This isn't just about a job offer. This means shutting down the business he started and has run for the past 15 years. This means deciding between two very different lifestyles - Denver or the Very Big City. And finally, it does have something to do with me.

Already redeemed by having told me that he didn't know how to approach the subject with me... he told me he still wants to date me - with the risk of being the guy who strings me along just to move to The Very Big City.
I say, we owe it to ourselves to see what we really have here.

Here are the factors: We haven't been dating very long. We have not seen each other much in the time we have been dating. We are both over 40, which means 1) a level of maturity in knowing what we want 2) there's no sense ending something with potential even if we have half of this continent between us. But then again, it also means 3) I can't waste more time with something that isn't going to go anywhere.

Pressure Cooker.


Jinxie said...

Good luck. Seriously. I'm afraid JT and I are going to have to go through something serious when I finally find a new job, and we aren't even dating. I'll pray for you both!

Genevra said...

I wondered how things were going. Hmm, pressure indeed. Yikes. I'm praying for you! Good luck.

Anonymous said...

Hang in there! Don't let the pressure get to you and start chasing him or dumping him (make something happen...arrggh --lol)...(that's what I always seem to do, at least in my past, during this Pressure-Cooker time ;-) )...just hang in there...

It's rare to find a man who is special to a woman, like McTwitchy is to you, too rare not to see it through (as you did with Mr. Burns; you did the right thing hanging in there--it wasn't meant to be, but you know that for sure now that you've hung in there to the bitter end, and it didn't work out).

I'm also a single woman, never married in my (very) late 30's, and the next man who is special to me and who thinks I am special, too...I'm going to hang in there!

I feel that men--even though they want marriage--are also afraid of it, afraid it won't last, afraid of the responsibility and the need to begin to think of another in his life plans. (Especially when they've been a bachelor so long, with failed relationships in their past.)

They can handle it, eventually, ;-) but they get nervous and doubts start to assail them AT TIMES. He's facing that at this "decision time" with his career and wavering a little (which is actually a good sign, he's serious about you, and it's making him nervous), but just...hang in there, just be there, being you, still liking him, no matter whatever "mistakes" he may make.

It'll pass...you'll get over this bump in the road together. :-) He's a good one, and husband material (okay, none of us knows each other...but !!! I can tell from the way you write about him that he's special, and could POSSIBLY be your future husband.)

I've been "lurking" on your blog for a while...you're such a sweetie. I would love to see you get married--you'd make a great wife!! (and mother, too) :-)

All the best,