Sunday, June 06, 2010

Pretty is as Pretty Does

Hello Bloggy Friends!
You all are so sweet. I hadn't realized it had been almost two weeks since checking in here.

There has been some epic crap going on in my life and I have been licking my wounds. I don't want to get into it all here - but seriously - EPIC.

But then this weekend, a few bright spots. Me, the girl who is a disaster at flirting has had some successful moments and really, that's all it takes to get the old confidence back.

After some disappointing efforts with online dating... the type of circumstances that make you want to just give up all together, there are some interesting prospects.

Even better, men emerge in real life. How about that?
A handsome man came into the studio for business portraits, and my adorable co-worker (who I just want to put in my pocket so as to have constant access to her wit) said, "TRS, do you want to take this one?"
Why yes. I do!

He started flirting at square one... and while that could be awkward, this flirtation was welcome. There was a mutual attraction, mutual flirtation - and dare I say mutual admiration. Now Adorable Co-Worker is trying to figure out how to give him my number when he comes back to pick up his CD!

Then as I was about to leave a party on Saturday night, the hostess introduced me to a friend of hers. Cute, fit and funny - when he told me he was a Chiropractor I had to resist the urge to announce... "Hey, I need to marry a Chiropractor so I can have daily adjustments!" (Seriously, my back is jacked up!) Instead, I engaged him in witty banter, up until the point he announced that he was a little buzzed on his beer - and I concurred due to the fact that he had just begun using profanities to woo me! I left without giving him my number.

Then tonight, I had a first time meeting with an online suitor. I wasn't terribly excited about him but agreed to meet him to speed up the elimination process. I actually came at it from the attitude of, "I'll give him a chance." which turned out to be further proof to follow my gut instincts.

Let's call him Vincent. (not his real name) Vincent texted me to say he wanted to take me out to dinner. I suggested Sunday night after work. Over the next 25 texts ... he proposed that I drive to his neighborhood (mistake #1) where there is indeed a wide selection of restaurants. But let's face it... if he's not going to travel to the woman's vicinity for the first date, it's a bad sign. Not very gentlemanly... then, he proceeded to suggest a number of different establishments without settling on one. ... I had to inquire twice about what time we would meet.

As I left my ... ahem... centrally located residence.... I texted that I was heading to the area we agreed upon but still didn't know where we were meeting. I seriously considered going back home based on the fact that we didn't have a firm plan. I continued. (Mistake #2)

I arrived at the neighborhood... one of those new urban/ suburban neighborhood centers... and still didn't know which restaurant to go to. I wandered around just to see what was all there. I spotted an Indian restaurant (a favorite) and went to read the menu posted on the window.
Within seconds, a waiter stepped out the door to point out a mama duck who was nesting in the planter near the door... and warned that she was calm but protective. He invited me inside to read their menu and avoid aggravating the mama duck.

The waiter was very friendly and kind so I confided about my strange date who has yet to tell me where to meet him. Waiter suggested that I have a drink at their bar and then tell Vincent, when he texts, that I'm content with a drink, come find me.
I liked that plan and did so.

A few texts later, Vincent finds me. He is loud. Very loud. I mean, I am a loud girl myself and I found it off-putting!! Vincent has a few beers and starts stroking my arm. I skooch to the other edge of my bar stool.

Vincent visits the bathroom and Waiter checks in on me. I share that he's not my type, but nice enough.

Vincent returns and displays a lack of sophistication that would shame a 15 year old boy. Continues stroking my arm, making me want to boil it when I get home.
He starts touching my leg.

Vincent visits the bathroom again and Waiter, who we learn is 22 years old and 20 times more mature and charming than my Internet date, checks in on me again. I share that Vincent needs to stop touching me.

Vincent returns and Waiter engages us both in conversation, making the rest of the evening much more enjoyable for me! Waiter leaves us alone long enough for Vincent to tell me about his brief stint in prison.
Yeah. Prison.

We finish our meal and we get up to part.
Vincent says, "I get the feeling you're not real touchy-feely but how about a hug?"
"Thanks I'd rather not."
Without another word, he tosses his arms in the air and retreats to the bathroom again.
I call after him, "Thanks for dinner!" and high-tail it out of there... thanking Waiter for his excellent wing man skills. Waiter offers to walk me to my car. (I decline)

When I get home, I find this final text from creepy Vincent:
"Hey, I'm really sorry for whatever happened to you but loose my number and get a toothe whitener"
spelling genius, His.

Dude. You spent time in prison and the issue here is MY TEETH?
Yes, they are discolored due to the prescription of Tetracycline for Croup when I was a baby. Most people just comment on my beautiful smile.

Yep, prime example of available men out there... just waiting for a woman like me. No wait... rejecting a woman like me! Har Har!

I'm kinda hoping Adorable Co-Worker pulls through on the business photo guy for me! I'm planning to introduce her to Waiter.

And yes, I washed my arm with soap when I got home.


erinannie said...

Sometimes I think dating was invented just so we'd have completely hilarious stories to tell our friends.
He's an ex-con. He should be so lucky as to win your attentions. And yet he's focused on teeth.
My friend, you just can't make up stories like that!

Tay said...

I'm glad that you are fine with the way you are. I hope you get a date with the hot guy from work. :)

But EW. I can't believe he had the nerve to touch you on a first date without any kind of encouragement from you. What a creeper.

Anonymous said...

Quite a story! And to think that he thinks he had to run you off with a follow-up text, ha! I find it very disturbing that he had to always be in the bathroom...either he has a weak bladder, or worse, the need to touch himself often...I'm glad you escaped!

Hope the rest of life (the epic storms) subside soon. Hugs to ya :)

Andi said...

Oh, wow. I thought I had some dating war stories, but prison . . . that tops it! And, your teeth and smile look great to me! I always say that if I can't have a good day, I at least hope I get a good story to tell about the date. Not much consolation perhaps. Glad you're getting out there and getting your confidence back!

Kathleen said...

Wow, what a charmer! And what on earth did he mean about your teeth? I think they look great--and no kidding! You have a beautiful smile! =)

Looking forward to updates about the photo shoot hottie.


Genevra said...

Wow, I just don't even know what to say, other than what an idiot! Oh, and good for you for putting the flirting vibe out there this weekend! It can be so much fun and a great confidence booster.

I still can't stop laughing about what an idiotic text that was.

Anonymous said...

too funny i say go back and talk with the waiter, never know! BUT the guy sounded sort of creepy

Stacey said...


I don't know what to say, either. Creepy indeed! I sincerely hope you did "loose" that number.
But maybe first you should text him to let him know that prison time + frequent trips to the bathroom + a guy who can't spell = loser. :)

Herding Grasshoppers said...

What an awful evening, but what a great story!

He probably had to meet you in his neighborhood because he can't drive. Lost his license. Whatever he needed to do in the bathroom at frequent intervals may have contributed... but I'm just guessing.


It takes a mighty good man to be better than no man at all.

Keep fishing :D


Jennifer M. said...

Oh man, that's freakin' hilarious. And creepy. I can't believe he kept stroking your arm like that. He just met you! That's so totally invading personal space. Then he gets up to pee every five seconds... which... as it turns out may have been a nice breather for you. Lol. Sounds like you had a better date with Walter! ;)

Rachel said...

WOW! lol. I have to say I'm laughing a little bit. :) Thank goodness you have a sense of humor about your 'date'. And I couldn't see any discoloration, beside who has perfect teeth? Glad you're doing okay. :)

TRS said...

Ah yes, waiter was too young for me.
Prison guy just thought he was going to get me to go home with him... he tried to entice me to see his beautiful granite countertops! Oooh, yeah. what woman can resist that! What a great ploy to get a girl into an ex-con's home!