Wednesday, January 23, 2013

A Numbers Game

I'm not so sure it is a numbers game.
That's what I hear... in order to find the right person, it's a numbers game. That's something people like to say - that if you just keep dating, you're bound to find someone who wants you as much was you want them.

It seems like a good idea, but I think I've disproved it.
Or at least I'm the exception to the rule.

I've just met someone who has never really dated. He married fairly young... stuck it out... and now he's dating for the first time.

It makes me a little uncomfortable. Like it's not fair that he hasn't been through all the scrapes and scabs that I've had to go through. But that's not fair. He's dealt with his own scrapes.

We joke that he's never dated, and that's all I've ever done!

Then he asked me how many men I've dated, and I thought... I don't even know! I mean, what counts as dating? A first date? A month-long relationship? Someone I've kissed?
Honey, I stopped counting after 40. And 40 was probably 10 years ago! (not that I was actually counting)

Funny, that has seemed perfectly normal to me. Meet someone, go on a date. Anyone I found interesting, I'd go on a date with them.
I've met a guy in the park while roller blading - I think that was one date. I met another guy at a bookstore - that was a couple of dates, lots of hanging out.

But when you start putting numbers to it - (even, blessedly, knowing I haven't slept with that many men...) it sure looks like an incredible amount - compared to someone who, at my age, is only on number two!

It reminds me why dating has been so frustrating. I have to explain that, while he's excited to have met someone he enjoys..  I've been there, done that. Everyone is interesting at first. Ultimately, someone ends up disappointed. And when you've been disappointed over and over and over again - the thrill wears off, even when it's thrilling.

All of those men, and none of them thought I was worth keeping.
Which, leads him to believe, he said, that most men are stupid!


Katie said...

What a nice compliment. Most men are stupid -- in a totally non-sexist, nonpejorative way. :D Here's hoping this one is thrilling.

Genevra said...

That last line made me laugh. :) Happy dating my friend, he sounds enjoyable.