Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Selection Rejection

Le sigh.

A friend and I went to a Catholic Speed Dating event last weekend.  I was kind of excited, because I felt a  prompting to go after a few distinct signs led me to it.  I signed up for the event thinking I might actually meet my husband.

I mean, I'm realistic. I know what the pool of Catholic men in this area looks like. There would be a majority of socially awkward 40 year olds and hopefully one or two guys that would be worth getting to know.

Going in, it seemed like the odds were good, considering there were more men than women there. But in reality, it was a lot of work starting conversations every five minutes and trying to size of the man in front of you.  By the time there were about five men left to meet, I was exhausted!!

There were some very nice men there... sweet and kind but alas, no attraction.
There was one man that all the women complained to the organizer about - he was a real creep.

And then there were a few men toward the end who I knew had to be at the top of the age range. As I saw making their way around to my table, I thought, "Not bad looking, not great - but if the personality is there, there's a possibility." Some guys just don't do -over 40- well.  Particularly when they don't have wives to help dress and groom them.

This won't sound charitable at all but, come on guys - you just paid good money to have a shot at a dozen smart, attractive women and you show up in a faded, worn polo shirt that's so threadbare, the collar doesn't even stand correctly any more. Not to mention a healthy crop of nose hair, or the dried spittle crusted on each corner of your mouth. Surely, you don't think any woman is going to get amped up to kiss crusty spittle - so I can only imagine you haven't noticed - which I find remarkable.

Even if I didn't have a 10X magnification mirror in my bathroom, I would still notice the stray eyebrow hair, minuscule blackhead, or the occasional wild hair that could sprout from my chin or next to a mole.

Granted, this is a great difference between men and women  - the attention to detail. But really?  You don't FEEL the dried saliva on your face?! You don't notice when your nose hairs brush the top of the sandwich you're eating?  Can't see the frayed fabric fibers sprouting from the collar of the shirt you've obviously worn at least weekly for the past seven years?!
I hate to break it to ya buddy, but if you're oblivious to your own appearance to such a degree - how could I entrust you with MY body?!

Sure, it sounds shallow to focus on these details... but rest assured, it wasn't the hair or the spittle alone.  The absence of a sense of humor. The recitation of his resume rather than a sharing of his favorite things. There just wasn't a connection. At all.

My friend made the same observations, although she thanked her lucky stars that she didn't notice the dried spittle - probably because she was concentrating on not throwing her drink in the face of the creepy guy!

She declared the entire experience a bust! Didn't check a match on any of the guys.

I forced myself to check the box on one guy, who seemed like he deserved more than five minutes to make his case. I doubt he's my husband though.

It's suddenly more clear why so many people are single.
Friends, you just can't wait until your 40s to find your match.  At this point, I almost recommend marrying the wrong guy in your 30s just to avoid this crap. Lord knows, it's easier for divorced people to get remarried than for a single person to marry after 37.

Godspeed my friends.


Katie said...

Oh, I hear you. It's not so bad...but I will take internet dating over speed dating any day. I went on one speed dating experience (in Scottsdale, no less) where the line up included a poser, divorced-due-to-cheating, Newman-from-Seinfeld-look-alike, backwoods-hunter, predatory perv, etc.

Speed dating will make you feel like that. ;) NEVER again.

Genevra said...

Wow. I'm trying not to visualize that. That is too bad about speed dating being a bust. I've done it a couple times, and both times I had a lot of fun. However, it's been several years since I have so the type of men it attracts may be different. At least you tried something different right? :)

TRS said...

I actually did a lot of speed-dating when I first moved to this city. It was fun. Never very productive but fun.

Never was the selection of men this ... tragic.

so I'm not against speed-dating. Maybe I'll try the Christian speed-dating. But this was a bust!

Erin McBride said...

I have meant to comment on so many posts lately.
This one cracked me up!!!!!! But probably not for the right reasons.
I will come back and comment in more depth soon!