Monday, August 15, 2011

Heavy on My Heart

I'm sitting in the airport waiting for a flight I didn't plan to take.

Early this morning my phone rang.  I could see the incoming call was from a family member, who I knew could only have bad news at that hour.  I silently prayed for a minor accident... instead it was my worst fear.

My dad died.
I howled. I cried and I moaned.
I still don't know much.  It was probably a massive heart attack.  My mom couldn't even get him to the hospital, he died about two minutes after she got him in the car.

My brother called shortly after, and we only talked for a few minutes - he had mom to take care of -  so I was left to sob and wail all on my own at 1:30 in the morning.  The first thing I did was open the laptop to book a flight home.
I called my best friend, waking her from a sound sleep - but it was the best thing I could have done.  She sat with me, states away but with me.

All I could say is that I was not ready for this.  I am not ready to live without my daddy.
I told her that my mom, my brother, his wife and kids were all able to be there and see him one last time. Being the only one far away is lonely.  It's even lonelier in a one-bedroom condo with no one there to wipe my tears, or hold my shaking body.

I couldn't in good conscious keep her on the phone... so I said goodbye and started throwing suitable clothes into a suitcase.
After another quick conversation with my brother, I went back to the computer hoping for an available flight earlier than 9:00PM.  I decided to look at flights to the next closest city and booked the 7:00AM flight.

I threw more clothes and shoes into my suitcase, realizing that I had to head to the airport in less than two hours.

I called a night owl friend to see if he could take me to the airport, but of course he was sound asleep.  I dropped off a spare set of car keys at my office so that he could bring my car home later... as I don't know how long I'll be out of town and I didn't want to park in off-site, long term parking.

The moment I got on the interstate, at about 4:20AM I saw that all three lanes were narrowed to one... and there was a long line of red tail lights before me.  I thought to myself, "Seriously?" and then prayed, half joking, "Part the waters Lord.  At least keep the traffic moving so I don't miss my flight."

The traffic was moving, but I started to wonder why there were traffic cones and no construction workers.   The next thing I saw was a police car in the next lane, driving backwards... then ahead of him, a construction truck with a worker picking up traffic cones!

I laughed out loud and said, "You are a gracious and wonderful God! Part the waters indeed!"

I'm waiting for the plane now.  My aunt and uncle are driving to pick me up from the airport.
I don't know what happens from here.

It is well with my soul... but heavy on my heart.
Thanks Bloggy friends.  Typing this to share with you has been a lovely distraction.


Milissa said...

I am SO, SO, SO sorry for your loss. I wish there were words that could make it better, but there aren't. Know that lots of people are thinking about you and your loved ones now...even people you've never met in real life. Sending thoughts of peace into the universe for you.

Your bloggy friend,

Jenni said...

I'm so sorry to hear this. Prayers as you enter this transition time in your life.

Kaci Jo said...

I'm praying for you and your family. The the God of all comfort would comfort you in your heart ache! My heart breaks for you.

KristyWes said...

So so terribly sorry :( :(

jmb77vol said...

I'm a frequent reader, but first time poster. I just wanted to let you know how sorry I am for your loss. I lost my dad in eerily similar fashion a little less than five years ago, and I had to make that same trip home from miles away. I know what you are going through, and I will be praying for you and your entire family.

Jinxie said...

I think this is one of the greatest fears of anyone who lives so far from their loved ones. It's certainly one of mine. I'm so sorry for your loss. Please know that you and your family are in my prayers!

Nicole Margaret said...

My worst fear as well. Sending prayers your way.

k said...

i am so so sorry!

Judith said...

Praying for you and your family.

Joyful said...

So sorry! I can't even imagine what you are feeling. I will be praying for you and your family.

Krissie said...

Oh I'm so very sorry. Please know I will be thinking and praying for you.

Genevra said...

Oh, TRS, I'm so sorry for your loss and that you didn't have someone physically with you to comfort you. :( Sending lots of love and prayers your way.

Anonymous said...

TRS, I am so so sorry! I'll be praying for you. I lost my mom very suddently about 4 years ago while she was many states away as well. It is horrific and indescribable to go through that! **hugs**

Debbie said...

I am so sorry for your loss, TRS. I lost my mom very suddenly 17 years ago while I lived states away from her. I don't really think much registers in those first 24 hours when you receive news like that. My prayers go out to you, your dad and your family.

Heidi said...

I'm very sad to hear this. You and your family are in my prayers.

Rachel said...

I'm so very sorry! Having lost a close family member and just knowing that people were thinking of us seemed to help so I hope my comment here brings some comfort. I'm praying for strength and peace for you and your family.

Melissa in Ohio said...

Oh, so sorry to hear this! My heart is heavy for you too and I will be thinking of you. I'm sorry you were by yourself! I know -- that makes terrible news worse!

Tay said...

God bless and keep you. May you find peace in your heart through Him. <3

Anonymous said...

Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. -Matthew 5:4

Your candidly charming words online have brought you many faithful, yet anonymous, followers. Although we've never met or had a conversation, you are in my thoughts and prayers. I hope that serves as a small comfort for you at this time, just like your life stories have brought comfort to my own life this last year.

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry.

Terry said...

So sorry.

dbb said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. Peace to you and your family.

Anonymous said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family, rkh

Laurie said...

Ahhh, TRS, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. I can only imagine what you must be feeling. Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.


Liz said...

Many prayers going your way & to your family now and in the days ahead.
So pleased that God parted the waters for you so you could get to the airport.
God bless. xx

sarah said...

I'm praying you will feel God's love and comfort. I pray you will find the peace you seek, the peace you need.

Anonymous said...

So very sorry for your loss. As a fellow single gal I know how precious my parents are to me as they are my only family. I'll be praying for you. Hope you enjoyed precioius time with your family and that you are comforted by the Great Comforter. So very sorry.


Tar heel said...

Dear TRS, I am so sorry for your loss. As a ghost reader I have enjoyed reading your thoughtful posts for the past few months and can tell what wonderful people your parents are. I believe that souls do not die and therefore pray that the "waters may be parted" yet again when we all will be reunited with our loved ones. Mary

Anonymous said...

TRS - I too am very very sorry for your loss. I apologise for this late comment - I normally check and read yoru blog at every opportunity, but things have been a little topsy turvy in my life recently, so I was catching up on your last few posts when I found this one.

May God bless and guide you.

Many warm hugs

TRS said...

Hey everyone... time has given me some clarity to go back and read these comments, and I want to tell you how touched I am for your kind words.

I did read them at the time, but as you can imagine it was all a blur and there was no way I could string words together to tell you what it meant to me.

Please know that your comments honestly meant the world to me. I can't get over how loving and gracious this online blog community is!!

That strangers can come together and love someone they've never met... and that person's dad too... is truly remarkable and of God!

I love you all!