My attempts at seeking spiritual guidance have been less than fruitful.
A few years ago, I met with my parish priest to discuss forgiveness. You see, 25 years ago this month, my older sister was brutally murdered. Then 4 years ago the parole board let her murderer out of prison.
So I've been dealing with the concept of forgiving this man. It's a big job. Believe me. The only reason I can even consider it, is that I think my sister knew she would live a short life. When I think about her spirit, I'm sure she accepted her death. I can't tell you how I came to believe this but it does give me peace.
When I talked to my priest, he told me he thought that there are some things that are unforgivable - and this is probably one of them.
I don't like his answer. After all, God forgives all of us. Was he saying that even God wouldn't forgive my sister's murderer? I don't believe that is what the bible says. I mean, isn't that what the cross was all about?
McTwitchy and I were talking about this. He says he agrees with the priest - and that he can't imagine a heaven in which murderers, child-rapists and the like are in the same place as the rest of us.
I see his point.
But I explained that I think we, mortal humans cannot comprehend the magnitude of God's grace. We won't possibly understand it until we see salvation.
We talked some more, McTwitchy asserting that even the greatest forgiveness couldn't possibly justify such deeds. Even God couldn't forgive the Jeffrey Dahmer's of the world.
That idea made me uncomfortable. I started to think, "I hope He does." I hope God's grace and forgiveness IS that big. Because if not... if God doesn't absolve the most atrocious sins... then my 'small' sins don't deserve forgiveness either.
I'm not saying that I can begin to imagine how big this grace, forgiveness and majesty is... but I think I do believe that it is big enough to forgive even the truly horrendous.