Thursday, May 21, 2009

A Call for Braver Men

I've been on a couple different dating websites for the last couple of months. While I have been - shall we say, approached - by a number of interesting men... I have only met one (yeah, 1) of them.

My subscription on the paid site will be up next week, and one gentleman who has been sending me smileys every week doesn't look like he's going to do anything else. Now, of course I respond to these men - but I still feel like the man should pursue. I mean, I'm on the site - I'm obviously looking to meet someone. I've responded favorably and enthusiastically to their meek inquiries - but they can't step it up from there. Disappointing.

It's the same problem in the real world. These men just don't do anything.
Yet they claim they want to meet someone and hopefully marry.

A few years back, one of my best guy friends was ranting about the marketing of the Edd!e Bau&r catalogue. It was a father's day issue and he noticed that the men portrayed as fathers were his age... and now he was upset that he didn't have a wife and family. After all, it was time!
(Boy do I know that feeling!)

I sympathized with him, but then said, "I've known you for 5 years and I've never known you to even go on a date. How do you expect to get married if you don't even ask women on dates?"

"Well," He began in all seriousness, "I plan to find the right woman first and then I'll ask her out."

I'm pretty sure I threw my arms up in frustration at that point!

More recently, I've quizzed many of my male friends about this phenomenon of them never asking women out. They tell me about their fear of rejection.

I've heard this for years and I have never understood it.
Fear of rejection? What exactly? You're afraid of the word no? Really. Because the word no is painful or something? It's not. Believe me.

Seriously, I cannot identify with the fear of rejection. Maybe because I've been rejected nearly every day of my life. And I'm still standing. No bruises, no blood. What's the big deal?

Early on, it was on the school playground at recess. I was one of the two skinniest, uncoordinated girls in my class - we were always the last two left standing for team selections. I was downright jubilant the days I was picked second last!! Yeah, it stung to be picked last, but I more or less thought it was silly that the others cared so much about winning a 15 minute recess kick-soccer game!!

Then in high school, I was still skinny. Boys weren't interested in a bony, flat-chested girl when they could take Boobie McChesty to Prom instead.

Accustomed to rejection, I chose a career in broadcast journalism - where looks tend to matter more than experience. I was rejected on a weekly basis during the post-graduate application process.
Then, as a reporter making cold calls for same-day television interviews... I heard a lot of no.
Not to mention the daily news meetings where we pitch story ideas each morning just to get shot down.

Rejection? Big fat hairy deal.

The idea of a big strong man being afraid of rejection just doesn't sit well with me. Honestly, if he is that afraid of 'no' - he's probably not man enough. For anyone.

"Faint heart never won fair lady."


Bobbi said...

Amen sister!

When I was on a dating site years ago, the same thing happened to me. I'd get lots of winks, smiles, etc, but not a lot of conversation contact. When I would make the first move and write to someone, their responses were short and sweet.
I finally gave up.

I had been thinking of joining another one, but now I'm not so sure I want to go through that again.

UGH! Men area so frustrating!

Anonymous said...

Preach it sister!

Jinxie said...

Amen! In fact, I wrote about something similar on my own blog recently. I completely agree with you, as usual.

auntie said...

when i was on one of the dating websites, i always felt like whoever initiated the communication should be the pursuer (is that really a word??), unless things naturally took a different turn - thru email or IM's or whatever. but of course, i always liked it more when i was the one being pursued!

Heidi said...

If I could reach through the internet and hug you, I would!! I expect a certain amount of give and take, but I try to make my interest (or disinterest) in a man VERY PLAIN when I'm on a date with him. To go on a date (or email or what have you) with someone, to know that the mutual interest is there, and then to hear NOTHING again is very frustrating.

Bless you over and over for putting it into words!

Song Lee said...

Can't tell you how much I understand where you are coming from. I too think that the man should pursue. I did a speed date event back in February and ended up matching with five guys. Only one of them pursued me. The others never made real contact. Perplexing, to say the least.

Andi said...

My comment has nothing to do with this post, but if you don't already follow it, you may be interested in reading Jon Acuff's post on Stuff Christians Like today.

Leah said...

Ha! I had a similar thing happen to me...on yet another set up date the guy asked for my phone number at the end of the date. It had actually gone pleasantly well and I gave him my number. Weeks went by and I never heard from him so I guessed he must have decided he wasn't interested for whatever reason. My friend who set us up called him and he said he "didn't want to come on too strong" she told him he needed to come on at least a little. Several more weeks went by and he asked my friend why I hand't called him, he though I was interested! Um, dude you have my number...I never had yours. My friend told him that she thought this might be why he's still single.

Seriously...they have to do SOMETHING if they want to date people. Sory, we girls can't just fall into their laps and wa-lah instant wife or girlfriend!

I enjoy your posts...good to there are other normal, well adjusted single women out there who still have their sense of humor. :o)