My Funny Valentine

Mr. Burn's and I have had brief conversations over the past year that we've been dating that revealed that neither of us care too much for Valentine's day.

I once told him I'd rather get flowers in August when they are reasonably priced and a surprise.

I never want him to feel obligated to get me something.

Last Sunday we were going through the Sunday paper and I saw all the JCPenney and KMart ads with all the heart shaped jewlery (which I personally, find not only goofy-looking, but hideous).
In a moment of self preservation turned to him and said, "I'm sure you never would, but I just want to be clear. Don't ever get me anything like this."
He replied, "I wouldn't."

Whew.

So Mr. Burns called me today on my lunch break and said, "Happy Valentine's Day. I didn't get you anything." I said that's fine. pause. "Did you get me something?" He asked. No. I made you something. "You made me something? Crap."

Tee hee.

Originally, I had no plans to get Mr. Burns anything but a card for Valentine's Day. Then I was talking with my friend Kimberly - telling her one of those stories about little frustrations in a relationship - a story in which Mr. Burns was frustrated with my habit of identifying different meanings to words that he viewed as inocculous.

For example, "But you keep saying it's fine. Then later you're upset about it!?!?!"
I had to explain that 'fine' doesn't mean, "great. that's super. It means that I accept that right now and I'm not ready to give up on you just yet."

After this exchange, Mr. Burns blurted out, "Well. If I had consulted the TRS to English dictionary, maybe I would know that!"

Kimberly cracked up at the story and suggested that I make him a TRS to English dictionary for Valentine's day. I couldn't resist! I thought I'd go to Kinko's to use their Publisher program and color copiers and spend about $5 on the little project.

Wrong! An hour of computer time cost me $14 and several pages that printed out too big cost me a bunch more! Oh well. I was giggling the whole time and left rather satisfied about my little gag gift.

So when he came over this evening to take me to dinner, I presented him with a card and his little wrapped gift. (the card nearly made him cry) I told him the gift was something he once mentioned he would find useful.

He was completely confused!

Finally he got it open and saw the 'binding' which read, "TRS to English Dictionary" He burst out laughing. Then he turned the book over and over reading each of the tidbits I came up with...

Along with the title, the front cover read: "The standard reference tool for certain men named Mr. Burns - seeking to communicate with certain women named TRS."

Then on the back: " The beauty of this reference source is its adapability. It is designed to be added to and modified for years to come. A flexibility unparalleled among all other reference guides."

I also added reviews - "This is the essential tome for effective discourse. I couldn't put it down."

"Undeniably clear and concise. No other reference is comparable."
"Redefines terminology in an easy to understand format. A must for all men."
and my favorite.... "Understated. Refined. Superlative." !!!

He didn't stop laughing until long after he'd read every word!
It was a big hit.