Wednesday, December 25, 2013

Only Once More

Over two holidays I've had my fill of Hallmark channel movies. It seems to be the only channel my mother bothers to watch. No wonder she doesn't understand why I'm single... If that's her persception of how people couple up in the modern world.

Me? I'm ready to barf. If only I could meet a man I instantly hate, I'd fall in love in no time! Cue eyes rolling back in my head.  Oh these movies are ridiculous. The characters fall in love after a week. The story line never reveals that they have anything in common. And in the end, you wonder what he loves about her... And there's no reason. She's just nicer than the hateful woman she replaced... And pretty. The message is you only have to be pretty and someone will fall in love with you.


I've accepted long ago that I'm jaded. I don't think a woman who's remained single passed age 40 could NOT be jaded about dating.  Really, I'd be stupid not to be jaded.

You can't put yourself out there time after time, get nothing in return, experience unwarranted rejection... and want to keep doing it.

I've realized that I'm just exhausted. Like SATC's Charlotte... Exhausted... Where IS he?
I'm tired of being optimistic every time there's a date.
I'm tired of opening my heart, just enough to let someone in... Only for them to choose not to.
Tired of telling my story, explaining who I am, just to be rejected again.

About a month ago I realized that I only have one try left in me.
That's it.

Sure, I'll meet whoever. But to try? I must choose wisely.

More accurate to my experience, than Charlotte, is Jamie Stemple!

"You realize if this doesn't work out, I'm going to have to blow my brains out!"
specifically, 18:00 - 20:00, buty I recommend the whole episode! It's flawless! So yeah, jaded is a tough position to be in when one is still earnestly looking for love. You try not to let it show, but you don't know, really, how the world sees you. You hope that somewhere, on your heart, there's a legible mark that explains why your tender side is a bit crusty. Maybe, just maybe, the right person will understand that.


Jenni said...

Completely there with you. Hallmark/Lifetime movies are favorites of my parents as well....and though I've told them they aren't my favorite, I really don't think they (at least my dad) really understand why. The easy happily-ever-after just frustrates me.....

I'm tired, too, of the putting myself out there. Jaded and a bit cynical as well. But I'm also a bit afraid of the alternative. I still desire so much to have a husband and family. If I don't make an effort, how is it ever going to happen?

TRS said...

Exactly Jenni! So tired and cynical, but the alternative?
That's what keeps us going! Sigh.