There are days that I think it must be me.
It's me who is undesirable, unloveable. Not as pretty or thin as I used to be.
Or maybe men can sense that I'm not going to sleep with them... at least until I know him. So they don't even approach me.
But then I realize that so many of my girlfriends are experiencing the same thing.
First dates that don't lead to second dates. Second dates that result in radio silence.
Not a single BAD date, mind you. Just men who never follow up again. For no real reason.
The women I know... beautiful. smart. physically fit. kind and generous.
I've always said, if these are the women on the bench in this game.... I truly don't understand it.
The saying was something like... a woman over 40 has more chance of getting struck by lightning or killed by a terrorist than she does of getting married.
But I'm convinced, most of the time that that's not me.
I'm starting to see the reality of that saying.
My friend's husband says, as men approach their 40s unmarried - there's something wrong with them. He points to his own uncle as an example. They just can't get passed doing things their own way, making room for someone in their lives.
Why is that not true for women? Who knows.
I think women are always more collaborative. More willing to work together. More willing to give and sacrifice.
Yes, men can do all that too - but what my friend was saying, is if they haven't learned how to apply those skills before this age - they're just not going to. I think that's so. (McTwitchy does too, it's one of his excuses.)
And don't forget, that once I turned 40 I became invisible. Men my age are looking for someone younger. Just like when I was younger, it was the much older guys who were interested in me - and most of them were married.
It's not just me. Even so, it's hard to accept.