I'm having an ongoing debate with a guy friend of mine. We discuss our dating woes, and turn to each other to figure out just what the other gender is thinking!
He keeps quoting the movie 'Swingers'
The movie follows an unfortunate fellow as he tries to get over his last girl. He meets another woman and asks his friend when he should call her. The response, "Two days is the industry standard. I think four is kinda money."
I believe this scene as well as some unfortunate books have perpetuated a dating syndrome called, "Contact Idiocy"
Everyone is making grand efforts not to appear too eager. Guys want to 'play it cool'.
Everyone is waiting two days or more to return phone calls, thinking they don't want to look pathetic! It's ridiculous! Just make contact. It's the only way to move forward.
Here's the latest example of what has happened to me:
I meet a guy that I was introduced to on eHarmony. We have dinner. It's nice. I'm actually pleasantly surprised. He's better looking than his photo, he's a gentleman and easy to talk to. After the date, I send an email thanking him for dinner and mentioning a couple things I like about him.
A day later he responds via email that we should go out again. He writes that he'll call me to set a date. A week later, NOTHING! Finally he calls and leaves a message on my cell phone. I listen to the message thinking, "Who's Joe*?" Then it comes back to me.
All my friends advised me to wait two days to return his call. (I don't want to play games -but they are married and I'm not so I figure I'll do as they say)
I leave a message two days later. After two more days, I leave another saying, "We're having a hard time reaching each other. Thought I'd make an effort."
ARGH! So, from first date to making a second date... THREE WEEKS! Wow! Way to woo me!
So here are some tips for men.
1) If you are ACTUALLY interested in a woman - Call her! And call her promptly. (within two days - I'll explain below) Don't worry about playing it cool. I don't know anyone who got the girl by 'playing it cool'.
"Faint heart never won fair lady." words written for Don Quioxte in the 1500s. You don't have to reinvent the wheel.
2) And this is a biggie. When you meet a woman... DON'T say, "I'll call you." Just don't say it. It means nothing to us. We don't believe you anyway.
Don't say it. If you do call, great! That's a nice surpise. We weren't expecting your call to begin with.
I'll make an exception here for a guy who knows that he's smitten and IS ACTUALLY GOING TO CALL HER. If you know - beyond a shadow of a doubt that you want to and WILL call her, go ahead and say so. But now you HAVE to call.
Here's the thing guys. We know that 'I'll call you.' is just what you say to end the conversation. You're feeling awkward and it just falls out of your mouth. Let the awkward silence stand. It's not as awkward as it feels. NEVER say I'll call you.
3) If you want to call a girl to ask her out, act quickly. Don't wait more than a week. The key here is to make an impression on her before your phone call prompts this thought, "Tom? Who's Tom?" "James? James? Do I know a James?"
You see, if we're interested in you we're thinking about you. For a couple days. Then we start thinking about the next guy on the roster. Call us WHILE we're still thinking about you.
Here's an example of how it works:
I remember meeting a guy who was awfully cute but I thought, much younger than I. He asked for my number and said he'd call - so naturally I dismissed him completely.
Within the week, I get a phone call. "Hi. This is Ben." In my head I'm thinking, "Who the Hell is Ben?"
I had only met him 5 days before. He was doing everything right, but I had already washed him out of my head because he said he would call - so I was sure that I would never hear from him.
We did go out and had a lovely time. We're still friends four years later.