The Way to a Man's Heart

Or - you are what you eat?

My sweet friends invited me for dinner tonight. A lovely time with friends, an adorable baby and silly  toddler, and my friend's wonderful cooking!

And there is always insightful wisdom from my friend's husband, as he tries to solve the problems of the single women in their world.

He told us about a theory held by himself and his brothers. That the kind of food you like to get when you go out to eat is indicative of the personality of the spouse you're looking for.  Yeah, stick with us here!

So one woman said she likes to try foods she hasn't tried before, what she hasn't tried cooking for herself. Okay, it also stands that she is looking for qualities in men that are the qualities she doesn't possess herself.  Ahhh.

Then our host explained that he asked his uncle, known to be a bit of a womanizer, what he wants when he goes out to eat... the answer... "Greasy, cheap and easy!". Yeah so that holds up.

I also like to order foods I don't make for myself. But the overwhelming factor is always around my food restrictions and allergies. When I go out to eat, it's typically a process of elimination. I scan the menu for the few options that meet my food restrictions with as few substitutions or changes as possible. On a menu with dozens to 50 dish options, I can usually choose between three. (And that's fine with me. I choose really fast.) I'm just looking for something I CAN eat!

Then we all laughed when we realized the theory holds up! At my age, and with my religious preference... I'm down to finding a man who is likely divorced, and if so has an annulment, and a few other qualities that are obviously hard to find, like still being open to having or adopting a child together.

Heck, my food restrictions are easier to accommodate than finding someone right for me!

But, the theory holds up!
What do you like eat when you dine out?

Quick Takes - Emergency Edition

I had this week's QuickTakes all planned out... but I'm begging for your prayers for Denver, surrounding suburbs, and the front range instead.

--- 1 ---

We just got a year's worth of rain in less than 24 hours.

--- 2 ---

After a summer of wildfires destroying homes all over the state, this is just too much.

--- 3 ---

One of the news stations stated it perfectly, describing "the rains that came too late and stayed too long."

--- 4 ---

I'm safe and well. I really do have the best luck avoiding harsh weather wherever I live.

--- 5 ---

But blocks away, neighborhoods have been evacuated. School for Friday is cancelled.

--- 6 ---

Heaviest on my heart and most in need of prayers is my dear friend's dad who lives alone in an old house in a canyon.
She heard from him Thursday morning, the basement was already flooded, there's a creek just yards from the house. The road into the canyon is washed out, so even area law enforcement can't reach him or any neighbors. (obviously, no cell phone service to begin with and the land line is out.) 
When the family last heard from him, he was getting gear together to move to higher ground. But there is danger of rock slides, not to mention the elements over night. He's not a young man. Heavy rains in canyon areas can be unpredictable, and the flooding, swift and wild.
Please pray for his safety. This family has had much sorrow already this past year.

--- 7 ---

I'll save a spot here for a joyful update on my friend's dad. It just has to be joyful. Please dear God.

GREAT NEWS!!!  He's alive and well, sitting in the house that is still standing (though the basement is flooded) with a group of neighbors who are all camping out there. One of the group was able to hike up a ridge of the canyon to get a phone signal and call out!!
They are still waiting to be rescued. Let's pray that goes well!
PRAISE GOD WHO CAN DO ALL THINGS!!!!

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

Dating 101 - Advice for the Guys

The other day an acquaintance of mine posed a question on her FB wall. She explained that a man who was interested in her, keeps calling her with last minute plans. She asked if she should just agree to go. She's interested, but annoyed with his methods.

As you can imagine, most of her female friends encouraged her to tell him she needs more notice to go out with him. Some men encouraged her to demand more respect, she's worth it. Then there were a few men, and one in particular who just didn't get it.

The guy who didn't get it posed the argument that if the opportunity just presented itself, she should be game. What's the harm, you're a fun girl.
I agree... concert tickets fell in his lap the day before the concert... why not?! Sure, go. It's spontaneous and exciting. Although I will say, his chances improve if he has taken her on at least one proper date already.

That doesn't seem to be the case. This guy is avoiding the effort it takes to date properly. 

As I read the continued conversation, HeDoesn'tGetItGuy asked why the potential dates tactics bothered her. She astutely explained that the fact that he's asking her as an afterthought, makes her feel that she's not important to him.
Which is completely accurate. Any man who can't call a woman up and  ask for a proper date three days in advance is okay with breadcrumbs.  Most likely, he doesn't want to invest in a relationship. He is trying to see what he can get with the least amount of effort.

The exchange became increasingly frustrating as HeDoesn'tGetItGuy chided our lovely heroine for not "explaining her feelings" to her potential suitor, and then devolved into "Don't force men to follow all these rules!"

I wanted to chime in and explain to the doofus, that he's mistakenly looking at this as a case by case situation.  It's not. This young woman is not building a wall of rules  --- and she's not actually dealing with feelings.  This is 100% about BASIC DECENCY!

She's not upset about this one guy's behavior. She's upset because men today no longer know how to date. They don't seem to know the basics about how to treat people.
It's not entirely their fault. Between the internet and texting and IMing, communication in general has turned murky.

Rest assured. Some things don't change. Share this with the men in your life who date.  We're about to get serious.

Asking a woman out

When she gives you her phone number use it. Use it to call her and have a conversation. Don't text! You can't expect her to agree to dinner or even coffee if she has no idea what it is like to have a conversation with you.  We're talking at least an hour, maybe three of her life she will never get back.  Like all great experiences, you need to build up to it.

Ask her out at least three days in advance. If you'd like to see her on Friday, call her Tuesday night. Maybe Wednesday if it's been a busy week.  If you ask her a full week in advance, you're really wooing her!

Call her again a day or two before the date to confirm details. Make sure she knows where to meet you, what time, and maybe a suggestion of what to wear.  I'm serious. If you say it's a concert, but it's actually a concert in the park, she's going to plan completely different outfits. Is it a long walk to the venue? She wants to be ready with comfortable shoes. If you don't do her this courtesy, don't complain when she says she can no longer walk in her high heels.  You didn't warn her!

About confirming the details: Do your best to have a plan for the date before you call and ask her out. Be ready with the where and when. These days, when a guy asks us to go out with him Thursday night, but doesn't say where and when - we're pretty sure he's going to flake out. We're not planning to go on that date. If you say you'll call again to firm up the plans - DO IT!  and don't text her the plans either.  If you do, we're sure you're still going to flake out. 

Communicate! Don't ask for a date and then stop communicating for the days in between right up until an hour before your date.  Come on! If you want her to be excited to spend time with you --- you're going to have to do some build up! No one wants to date a stranger. Are you interested in this girl? Then talk to her.
Are you just so nervous and don't know what to say? Here's a script, "Hi Jenny, this is Jerry. I just wanted to tell you I'm looking forward to seeing you on Friday."  Honestly, that's it. The conversation will build from there. Confirm the time and place. Chat a little but don't stay on the phone too long.


After the date

Call her!  Tell her you had a great time. Set up another date. Same rules apply. Rinse and repeat.

You should plan the first three dates. Yes, find out what she's interested in, but it's up to you to plan it. Even if she lives in another part of town, don't cop out with - "Why don't you pick a place, since you know the area better."  Oh my geesh, that is so annoying. You have the internet. Use it! Now, you can say, "Do you have a favorite restaurant?" or "Tell me your two favorite places." then YOU pick one. Seriously, you pick.  Oh and don't expect her to call you during this time period. She will return your calls, but she probably won't initiate a phone call. This is good.

After three dates, you can call with last minute tickets to her favorite band. Or, you just found out your friend is in town and bunch of you are getting together for dinner tonight. And she has the right to decline.
But always remember to plan dates throughout your courtship. 

You pick, you plan and you pay. You plan the first three dates - maybe four*.
This gives her time to determine if she wants to know you more. Then maybe she'll invite you on a hike, or an outing with friends, or she'll prepare a picnic in the park. But she should not treat you or reciprocate until you've taken her out three times.
That's right, she's not reciprocating until it's time. Now don't start whining about how expensive it is to date. I had lovely dates with a man who took me to street fairs. Two different street fairs two weekends in a row. No admission fee - just buy her a corn dog. Fun. It gave us lots of time to talk and experience one another in various situations.  (oh, but do tell her whether you're planning to stop for dinner, or if it's going to be fair food. She may want to eat before she leaves home if you're just planning on nibbling.)

If you have found that you didn't enjoy her company, don't leave her hanging.  Tell her you enjoyed meeting her, but there's just not a spark.  (this is universal code for "I'm not interested" - we all accept that. No spark. Fair enough.) You don't need to say anything hurtful or feel a need to BeReallyHonest - just thank her for her time and move on.

Make an effort to get to know each other. Yep, I'm talking about communication. Don't just ask a girl out on the weekends, without talking to her in-between. You're supposed to be interested in her. If you don't ACT interested, she won't think you are.

You should learn something in this step. If she is rushing you off the phone or sounds bored, she may not be interested in you. She may be legitimately distracted, and if she says so, believe her.
But if she is constantly tuning you out, move on.

Don't text. Now, this may be different for you younger folks - I understand that's how you communicate. Talk with her about it. Ask her preference.
My rule is, if you want to send a flirtatious hello, or tell her you're running 5 minutes late, you can text.  Do not text her to set up a date.  Do not text her because it's less trouble than calling her.
If you like her, talk to her. Texting is the least amount of effort you can put into communication. I suggest making an agreement not to text until you're "in a relationship".

These are not arbitrary rules.  This is all about common decency. 
Every woman will appreciate these efforts. Use them all, every date, every woman you date. 
Even if she seems a little uncomfortable with the formality. If that's the case, it's because she's been dating inconsiderate men before you. Show her she's worth it. She'll come around. 

If you are dating a woman who doesn't appreciate these efforts, you may find that you are not actually dating a lady. 

If these efforts seem like too much, or not worth it, then just face the fact that you're not really interested in the woman - or even dating for that matter. If you're really interested in someone, these are things you would WANT to do. Let that be your litmus test. 

* The three date theory is courtesy of Cynthia from Veil of Chastity. It's pure brilliance. We women tend to get excited and mentally planning our weddings after one good date!  I extend the idea to four dates because after dating Mr. ShouldBePerfectforMe, it wasn't until after four dates that he blamed God for his decision to stop dating me! I'm pretty sure God didn't tell him to share the revelation via email!!! 

Bait

Let's call it Bait the Catholic.
It's kind of like Devil's Advocate, but with more stupidity.

I was baited today and I'm still steaming.
It started with an innocent conversation when someone kindly asked me if I wanted kids. Yes, I had wanted children, I had longed for a family, but I'm 43 now and single so we're not banking on that ever happening.
A reasonable person would say, "Yeah, I can see that. That's too bad."

But you know how it is. Another voice chimes in. "You COULD have a baby if you really wanted one."
Well, I'm not going to go into how I don't have sexy time with men I'm not married to, so not so much. I shouldn't have to explain that in casual conversation, with a conversation interruptor.
I'm certainly not going into the fact that if I didn't feel right about having a baby by myself when I was young and fertile, and had endless energy... it's even less likely that I'm going to decide to have a baby by myself when it hurts to walk through IKE@ wearing sneakers!! And I can't touch my toes to begin with. If I wasn't having sexy time with non-husbands when I was young and h@rny, I'm not going to suddenly start now!

No, I'm not getting into that with someone who is baiting me.
But I did say, "What am I supposed to do? Spend 2/3rds of my salary to put a baby in day care while I work 43 hours a week just to put a baby in daycare?"  I figure referring to cash flow problems is the easiest way to appeal to secular do-what-you-want-that's-all-that-matters-anyway types.

She continued, "That's an excuse."
Um, no. That's a reality. I'm a single woman in an occupation that seriously, pays me only a few thousand more than what a year of day care costs. If I would have ever gotten married, I knew I could easily make the argument for me to be a stay-at-home mom. It's silly to work if your take home salary after day care expenses is just enough to cover your travel expenses to and from work. But I digress.

She threw it out there. You could have a baby if you really wanted to.

No. I want more than a baby. I want a family. And I want any babies that come, to have a family. A mommy and a daddy. Not a stressed out, broke mom with no resources and no family nearby.
And in order for that to happen, I need a husband.

Then I did have to resort to explaining how in order to have a husband, I had to live in a different era, one in which men saw a reason to get married. When society started telling men we didn't need to them to have babies - they heard it! They've responded accordingly! That's fine for you maybe, but you've ruined it for women like me.

She said it again. "That's your opinion."
Oh super. The great secular argument. Every option is an opinion.
I wish my brain and mouth would engage in the moment, because I should have said, "No. It's not my opinion. It's the truth. It's the truth of the Bible and the truth of the Catechism.  There's a right way to do it if you can help it. And I'm not here to please myself, I'm here to please God."

Maybe I AM more stubborn than selfless, but if you're speaking to someone who is obviously counter-cultural by way of being Catholic... putting up straw men about how I COULD have a child if I really wanted to is just insulting and rude. You know how I'm going to answer, and you're just trying to win an argument rather than listen to what I believe and why it matters to me. You're trying to shoot holes in my faith.

What you're really doing is trying to validate your choices and opinions.
By that reasoning, yeah, I could have a ferr@ri if I wanted one... I could steal it and drive it around until I got caught.
Want to live in a spacious, luxury mountain home? You could if you wanted to .... just stake out a nice place and attack the family, lock them in the basement and enjoy the place. You could live there if you WANTED to.

Like I said, maybe I am more stubborn than selfless. Maybe God would be absolutely fine with me having a child to love and raise in the faith. Maybe my holding out for a man who shares my faith and values is purely stubborn and not what God intends for me.
After all, I have plenty of relatives who aren't waiting for marriage for s@x and babie, and God is not striking them down. Maybe my holding out was silly. At least I would have loved someone.

Sometimes I picture myself arriving at the pearly gates and God and Saint Peter just shake their heads, sadly. "Oh TRS, you could have had so much more. We admire your fight, but you were fighting the wrong battle."

7 Quick Takes #4

Linking up with Jen at Conversion Diary again!

(I don't know why my formatting gets so weird) 


--- 1 ---

You know when you find yourself bored with work, undervalued and under-appreciated and you're justthisclose to think about really, seriously quitting? 

And then you come back to work from a few days off and your door code doesn't work and for a moment you think, "Gee, I hope I'm not fired!"

Thankfully you learn that it's not you... it was the coworker who was just difficult enough to get along with that their existence makes work that much harder! Then after a week or so, you realize work without them in the mix is SOMUCHBETTER! Yay. 

That happened to me last week. 

Suddenly, my job is more enjoyable again, my ideas are considered and valuable, and my reliability is reinforced.

Yes, I'm saying sometimes the best thing that can happen is someone else getting fired. Sorry for them. I've been unemployed, I know how rough it is. She's married though, she'll survive, there are two of them to earn a living. 

I suppose I may get pounced on for that, but let me explain. I've been through layoffs. I've gone years at a time unemployed or underemployed, not for lack of trying or talent. 

When layoffs were announced, I always thought, it would only be fair if they lay off the married people and not the single people. It's much easier for one of two people to find work than for one of one people to find work.  That's just odds talking people! 

I mean, a single person can only take one full time job And you can only work so many part-time jobs at once. (Actually I know from experience, the limit is two. I tried having three part-time jobs at one time... scheduling is a nightmare!) Two people can have a total of four part-time jobs!  

--- 2 ---

Funny thing during Thursday's workout, our trainer started us out on the rowing machines - which are not my favorite. I don't know how to pass the time on those. I don't have that kind of drive and motivation that makes me want to excel and row really hard and really fast. What?

I end up counting my rows - but the automatic display shows how many meters you're "moving" - so then I'm counting, but the numbers in front of me don't match up to my counting... and that could make my head explode! 

How am I supposed to get through this?!?  Suddenly it came to me, why not pray the Rosary? Guess what, it worked! I'd take a stroke, "Hail Mary, full of Grace." release back in, "The Lord is with Thee." take another stroke, "Blessed art Thou among women." release back in, "and blessed it the fruit of Thy womb," stroke, "Jesus." 

Hmmm. 1000 Meters = two decades. 
Ten mysteries would be quite a workout!


--- 3 ---

More good news... this time in the grooming department. I have the puniest, most pathetic eyelashes you have ever seen. No mascara has ever really made a difference, because separating and defining short, puny, sparse lashes only makes them blacker, separated, but still sparse. 

Well, one day the mascara wand sort of skewed to the side and WHOA! All my few lashes were swiped to one side and look at that... it looks like more lashes! 

(I tried to draw an illustration for you but it was very very bad. So you can be thankful I didn't share!)
Amazing! How many years of mascara application did it take to figure this out? I hate to think about it and I'm not doing the math. 

So. Free tip for you. 

Then I went to a makeup counter for some new eyeshadows and shared my discovery with the gals there... and they were all, uh huh yeah. 

Wait! You knew this and no one told me?  Oh come on! 

--- 4 ---

Saw this hilarious video of protesting sheep on Jimmy Kimmel and he made the comment that this guy could run for office! 

I thought, "Gee, that looks like one particular political party to me!" 

Then the next morning, I was listening to my iCatholic Radio App which had a short commentary about references to sheep in the bible. Explaining that sheep know their shepherd's voice. They are not responding to words, nor to their name - only that they recognize the shepherds voice. 

Even being a farm and ranch kid, I never realized that. They know and heed his voice. It's so poignant, but it also reminds us, be careful who your leaders are. 

--- 5 ---

What I love most about the bloggy world is the great sense of community. 

I'm coming across more singles blogs these days - which is an answer to prayer. You can just feel so alone sometimes, with everyone blogging about back to school for their kids, about their homes and back yards, their husbands and vacations. 

This week I found Proverbial Girlfriend who also led me to a group of bloggers joined together for the Not Alone series. (whose origin I cannot find - but I know that I first found the Not Alone Series in Jen's 7QT to begin with, so maybe most of you already know about it.) That should be an ample selection of great, faith filled single girl bloggers. 

There are so many to select from, I could morph into my iPad if I didn't tell myself to go out and socialize! 

Let me know who you have found that speaks to you. Share your favorite singles bloggers and posts in my comments! 

--- 6 ---

On the other side of that (That being faithful single bloggers) - notes from the secular world!  I met up with some girlfriends the other night, and there are always some new ladies joining the group. I've noticed that the women associated with one woman in particular (who I've decided not to socialize with) seem to have the opposite attitude about s@x and dating as me. 

One woman who is almost 40 (I'm passed 40 myself) felt compelled to share the details of a one night stand she had with a hook up she met the very night she took him home. TO HER HOME! 

The more she said, the more I winced and covered my face! 

Now, I'm a loud, sarcastic girl - so when my friends see ME covering up in embarrassment, they KNOW I'm uncomfortable. It seemed no one knew how to shut her up! And I can't imagine anyone else was interested in these details. (who wants to hear about anyone else's s@x life?!!) I suspect she was trying to justify her behavior and get some kind of validation that she's normal and okay. 

I managed to stop myself, because my sarcastic side was about to say, "I've always wondered what kind of women do those types of things. I always thought it was fictional writing for TV and movies, but I guess there really are women like that. Thanks for opening my eyes. Now I see why so many men aren't looking for wives."  But I don't suppose that would have been gracious or charitable.  

On the other hand, it might have started a dialogue. 

But I can't imagine a soon to be 40 woman, engaging in that type of behavior is looking to change her ways in that department.

Ugh. Anyone know of a way to handle that kind of situation? Should I just get up and leave? Go hide in the bathroom?

--- 7 ---

Ending on a lighter note... Has anyone else noticed that selection at The G@P is rather bland lately? I tend to head straight to the clearance section, and all I find lately is button down shirts, and striped t-shirts. (not the cute striped t-shirts either) Oh well, I guess it helps me not spend money. 

Thankfully though, we finally have an H & M, which has a much more charming selection. I haven't figured out their clearance section process yet - but I will. 

Has anyone else had good luck there? What do you prefer? I do most of my shopping at TJMaxx. 




For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

Pray. Relax.

Looking back over my archive of posts, I found more than one past entry in which I declared, "That's it. I'm done! I give up on finding a husband!"

I laugh because each time, I recall being so horribly frustrated and weary in my years of waiting, but even I wasn't entirely convinced by my conviction. The ugly truth is that rather than handing my heart over to God and saying, "Thy will be done." - it's more like a bitter, "FINE, God! It's obvious that You have no plans to give me the gifts you grace upon other, somehow more deserving women. So I'll try to accept that." Mumble, grumble. 

Oh yeah, that's really what Mary would say, hmm? 

Right now, I must admit that I'm not entirely free from bitterness, but I am getting closer to, "If it is Your will, God - I'll wait for the call."
That's me trying to chill out.

I think a couple of things have influenced this. One and two are the last two guys I dated.

One who really saw my heart. He said himself that what drew him to me was seeing that I had the purest heart of anyone he's ever met. That's quite a compliment, and knowing my own heart intimately, I worry about what sort of people he's been around. (I'm partially kidding, but that's not entirely fair to me either - in the past few years I've been told, randomly by several people that just being in my presence makes them feel peaceful and recharged. One described it as being able to just rest.  It took several people saying it for me to realize it must be so - and that is obviously a gift of the Holy Spirit.)
Anyway, that guy really thought he was in love with me and he treated me like every woman hopes to be treated.  It was difficult for me to realize that I just didn't feel the same way about him. That sort of realization is excruciating, because when you're finally treated the way you've prayed about, and it still doesn't feel right, you really start to wonder whether or not you're made for love.

Ultimately, I thought "Well, know I know how Mr. Burns felt when we dated." There is a cross to knowing you're with someone wonderful and faithful but still not for you. Oh, and wondering what to do about it. Sigh.
Penultimately, I realized that I had to let this other guy go, so he could find someone who would really appreciate him. I think both people in a relationship/ marriage should think that they are the lucky one - and he deserves someone who will feel like she won the lottery when she met him. 

This taught me, in a new way that the right one is worth waiting for. Settling is settling, even if it's wonderful man, but your heart is not in it. Now I know that the right man will see my heart, and appreciate all that is in it.

Two, is the guy who seemed like everything would fit together - Catholic, Annulled, an adult child, and  his being open to more children... followed by great dates, laughs, chemistry and what seemed like a solid connection... then POOF! He admitted that I possessed every quality he was looking for in a woman, but that he was going to pass.

What a blow. But that experience taught me that I am so not in control. Nothing I can do, ever do, will bring my husband to me. Only God can do that. 

The third thing was the dream I had, in which I met my husband and my heart felt rest.
Because of that I believe God really does have a holy spouse in mind for me, and He will bring him when it is time.

That has made my heart relax a bit. I'm not looking. I meaning I'm always "looking" but I'm not looking. I'm making sure I get out to socialize more. I've joined some meetup groups to make sure that I both get out, and expand my social circle, because my social circles are very secular right now.  There's still no assurance I'm meeting faithful people, but who knows who they might know? 

I am also reminded that as much as we want certain life experiences, or stages of life...  getting married, having babies, having grandchildren....  in this earthly life we'll never stop praying for more. A stronger marriage, a healthy child, a reliable car....

One of my dear friends was so weary of her single life, she cried almost every day for a very long time. She also dealt with some tough symptoms of endometriosis and feared that she wouldn't be able to have children if she ever did get married.
Then she was engaged twice! Thankfully the first one didn't work out - he was so wrong for her (quite similar to my examples above for me - this is close enough, maybe I should make it work, kind of situation). The second is her wonderful husband, and they now have two beautiful babies.
But now, she is consumed by wanting their own house, to such a degree that she feels her prayers aren't being answered - all she wants is a house!
Today I told her, you sound like you did when you were praying for a husband and for fertility! You have everything you've prayed for, it is amazing. Relax, the house will come at the right time too.

That's all we can hope for. 

7 Quick Takes - #3

Obviously, I didn't get a regular post in this week. I tend to get several ideas swimming in my head but no time to commit those ideas to writing. 

So here's another 7QT - Thanks Jen for hosting! 


--- 1 ---

A residual effect of my trip home to the family ranch is some crazy sore hamstrings. What the? 

I've been working out the past few months, at the office gym. With a trainer one day a week and with Jillian Michaels Ripped in 30 the rest of the time. I've never had sore hammies before, so imagine my shock! 

I do have the tightest hamstrings in the world - so I think there's a chance they finally decided to loosen up after all my hard work. 

But another side of me thinks it's from a nice long walk in the pastures. 

Before I left, I walked out to see the colts (nothing like baby horses to love on!!!) then I walked about 2/3rds a mile to another pasture to pick some wildflowers. The grass was so tall, (just look where it comes up to on the horses!) I had to take big, reaching steps - and that's the only thing I can think that stretched my hammies so much. Oh well, I guess I'll take it! 



--- 2 ---

I'm so excited about a new grocery store in my neighborhood. There's a new Spr*uts a lot closer to my home than any other grocery store... and I love Spr*uts! 

I don't do all my grocery shopping there, but I really love much of what they offer. Now I don't have to drive what I consider "out of my way" in every possible direction to pick up a little something.

And in a few more months we get a Tr@der J*e's opening within walking distance of my home!  Walking distance people! SO excited. 

I hate grocery shopping with a passion, so anything that makes it easier is a blessing. Imagine, conveniently buying and eating produce without worrying it'll go bad before I get around to making a meal! 


--- 3 ---

I've been trying to up my fruit and vegetable intake. I even have a log book to track it. The goal is five servings a day - and as many colors as possible so I've been enjoying plums and nectarines. I think I prefer plums. They can be so sweet, and I think they have the best texture of all fruits. 






--- 4 ---

Speaking of fruit - am I the only one this fickle about bananas? They need to be perfectly yellow, not because I'm picky - but because too green is a certain kind of acidic that I don't like - and any degree of brown is another kind of acidic that really bothers my throat.  I was explaining this to my mom, and of course it just sounds like I'm fussy. But I really don't believe in eating food that wants to hurt me. 

Oddly, at the Starbucks near work they consistently have bananas that are simultaneously green and brown spotted! How is that possible?!



--- 5 ---

A recent past/passed boyfriend found me on a dating site. He texted me about it. We're friendly, but not overly so. He seemed to think it was quite remarkable (obviously he's new to this) And pointed out that we were a 100% match. 

Sigh. I couldn't bear to tell him how many 100% matches I've encountered that are not matches at all.  Poor thing. He doesn't know what he's in for. He's a super nice guy, but very inexperienced in dating after his divorce.  (Post-Divorce Dating could be a whole other post!) 

I'm not active on any sites, but my profile is still up on a few of them. sometimes I think if I ever met someone significant... I wouldn't even know how to delete the profiles!!

Double sigh. If you're married and never had to online date... get on your knees right now and thank God. And while you're down there, pray for single adults! Please.


--- 6 ---

I like being Go-To, Miss Reliable. It was pretty short notice, when a friend asked if I could watch her two kiddos while she went to an orientation meeting at their school. We made it work, and it was fun to watch them climb at the park and yell, "Miss T, watch this!" when they did something tricky. I would applaud a daring jump or leap and the little one would run to me for a hug because she was feeling so successful!

The older kiddo is more challenging. She loves to test boundaries. Every slight offense on her person is considered egregious... even someone accidentally bumping her as they share an apparatus brings on crocodile tears. For the Love!

At one point I was getting the little one down from the counter in a public restroom, and her shoe struck the other girl's finger in the process and OH.THE.INJUSTICE! 

Tattling voice ensued... ohmyshekickedmyfingerwhaaaaaa! 

And I'm all, with equal parts sarcasm, detachment, and just enough concern: Really, does it hurt? Is it bleeding? Is it broken? Was it on purpose?  

No, no, no, and no. 

Well then, I suppose we're about done worrying about it. 

Felt pretty good when the other women in the restroom smiled at my tactic, and laughed when kiddo realized she had to shrug it off. 

--- 7 ---

On TV - I'm really loving Hollywood Game Night.  Hosted by actress Jane Lynch, who is quite a talented host - and two rotating couches of guest celebrities (and a commoner contestant on each team). It's pretty entertaining in the way that television was entertaining when I was young... in the days of Johnny Carson and Carol Burnett. Not quite that good, but this is pretty wholesome and family friendly for TV these days. 

One of my favorite games is Celebrity Fusion - where they merge two celebrity faces, who share one name... and give a hint like "Do you really want to hurt the sexiest man alive" which was of course Boy George and George Clooney. (not pretty) 

I'd love to figure out how to duplicate the games and have game night at my house. It could be a riot. 

Speaking of... I found a link to a review (up there) for the show and I must say that's a thorough review. I guess I recommend that too! 


For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

7 Quick Takes - #2

Well that was fun... let's try it again! This really is good for me, because I tend to write long posts - even my Quick Takes aren't so quick - but I like being able to share several ideas!

--- 1 ---

This weekend is the 20th Anniversary of Pope John Paul II's visit to Denver for World Youth Day - I didn't live here then, I was in college in Nebraska and for some reason WYD wasn't even on my radar then.

Even so, I thought it would be really nice to go to the anniversary reunion events, if only to try to meet more Catholics in this city. I kind of live in a secular world in Denver. I do have Catholic friends, but those that are devout are married with kids, and those that are single seem to be barely Catholic - since it is so hard to live and date in a secular world. (You may have noticed how few single adults you see at Mass! I know. It's like we're invisible.) 

But of course, as is the way whenever there is a great Catholic-centric event, it occurs when I have non-refundable plans to go out of town! Seriously, Catholic Single's Conference? I was out of town. Sheesh the decks are always stacked against me!

--- 2 ---

So today, I take the shuttle bus to the airport, from off-site parking and as it pulls into the Ground Transportation Lane - I notice a swarm of people making their way across from the terminal to the Charter Bus lane. I've never seen so many people seeking ground transportation at the same time, and being the blabby person that I am, I make that observation aloud to others on the bus. (there were only like six of us.) 

Then I realized they were all headed to a couple charter buses and that it was probably a group tour or convention or something. Denver's all about that kind of stuff.
My next observation was also made aloud, "Oh look at that, they're all men. Of course, because I'm not going to be in town!" A couple ladies laughed at that. One said, "Well maybe you need to change your plans." "Oh no," I replied, "They're probably all married or gay." more chuckles.

Now, you should know that I tend to speak and think simultaneously. In fact, I think I'm especially gifted in that I often learn what I'm thinking by hearing it come out of my mouth! So the next thing that falls out of my mouth sounds like this, "With my luck, it's probably an Atheist's Convention." then for a second I thought, I might be talking to Atheists right here on the bus and I'm going to stir a hornet's nest! So I quickly added, "Because they're not for me either!" as if that would soften the blow!
To my relief, the woman next to me burst into a wide smile and laughed with her eyes, so I knew I had at least one comrade on the bus!

--- 3 ---

I'm visiting my family by the way. Staying with Mom for a few days and catching up with my brother, his wife, and the nieces and nephews -- and other relatives too.

 It's a shame all these people don't live at the beach. But Nebraska farm and ranch land is inviting and beautiful in it's own way. It's the rows and rows of deeply hued, emerald green corn in the fields. Nothing prettier on earth if you ask me.

--- 4 ---

It took me a whole week but I finally acted on my theory about my car stereo remote. I changed the battery and SUCCESS! Yeah, it took me a week because I can never remember to take the remote out of the car and up three flights of steps to my condo where the batteries are!

On one hand I feel a little stupid that it took me three weeks to realize that it wasn't the heat affecting the volume buttons. On the other hand, I realize if I had a husband, he would have shot down my theory in one conversation! My solace is in knowing that it probably would have taken three weeks to get the battery changed either way!

--- 5 ---

I was at my mom's house for twenty minutes before my nephew challenged me to an arm wrestling match. It was no contest, he whooped me AND GOOD. In no time flat. But he's nearly 15, tosses hay bales and ropes cattle so I think that's fair.

--- 6 ---

To redeem myself, I challenged aforementioned nephew to an endurance test. Plank position until fatigue induced failure! I take full responsibility for not instructing him properly.

I had no idea he was unfamiliar with Plank Position. He has a lot to learn! He had his arms way out in front of him instead of directly below his shoulders... and his feet only a foot-width apart instead of shoulder width. I doubt if that actually makes it easier, but he was hanging in with no problem while my muscles were flinching. I disqualified him. Then withstood the mocking.

--- 7 ---

My favorite snacking treat was waiting on Mom's kitchen counter when I arrived. It was a happy accident, because I didn't even try to describe Chocolate Covered Acai with Blueberries when she called to ask what kind of food I desired as she prepared for my visit. So this was a great surprise. They are so yummy. Please let me know if you can make a bag last for more than a day and a half! Because I cannot!

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

Home is Where the Heart Is

About a year after my dad asked me if I had thought about buying a home... (this was the height of everyone buying everything, and home mortgages were a dime a dozen)  ...and I said no, no way, nada ... about a year after that, I thought maybe I should buy a home. Dad was sneaky like that, making suggestions without really even suggesting anything. 

I was living in about 400 square feet and realized I could get more square footage with a mortgage than I could paying rent.

I found a realtor and looked at a few places. Some were okay, they didn't feel like home. More often than not I would drive by a really cute place with a for sale sign, call my realtor with the address and he would say, "It's not in your price range." after a week or two of this he changed it to, "TRS, you have great taste. Champagne taste and a beer budget!" Oh the laughs.

Then I spotted a place that looked cute and was in my price range, and arranged for the realtor to show me. When I walked in, I immediately liked the layout, and it was filled with beautiful sunlight. The hardwood floors were just refinished, textured plaster walls, coved ceilings... I could see myself living there - and not just for the length of a lease but as home.

I stood against the far living room wall and realized I wanted to live there.
I had hoped for a second bedroom, maybe a dining room separate from the living room, and a balcony... but having seen other places and prices I knew this fit me even if it didn't have everything I was looking for.

Suddenly, I realized I had to make a decision. I turned to the realtor and said, "Oh crap. Now I have to make an offer!"

Well duh. You're looking for a home and you found it. It's commitment time. ( I only looked at five places and I bought the fourth one I saw! Geeze, I wish dating would work like that!) 

I remember thinking it was similar to what some of my friends told me when I asked how they knew the man they were planning to marry was the right guy. Or at least choosing the wedding gown. How do you know?  And of course the answer was always, "When you know, you know."
Oh the annoying.

And I certainly knew about my condo. I could make a commitment.
Sure, now almost ten years later I have some frustrations, some tough times. I need to make some repairs. I'm having problems that other people in my building aren't having, and it doesn't seem fair. Oh the challenges.

On the other hand, I also finally have it decorated the way I want. The right furniture, the right feel. We've really settled in well together.  Oh the joy.

Needle scratches on record. Topic change.Sorta. 

And now that is how I see the men I date. Only opposite.
I've said before that it's not uncommon for the men I date to tell me that I'm everything they've been looking for in a woman - but they're going to pass.

I guess they're not ready to take the plunge. I'm not even talking about marriage... just commit to dating!!
I find it so strange. If you've found what you're looking for... grab it... hold onto it! Make it yours!
Why wouldn't you?

Something about men today is preventing them from the Carpe Diem.
I don't know if they don't have the guts, or if they're dealing with fear.

But I get it, a little bit. When I found my condo, I was kind of surprised that I had to make a commitment. Even though that's what I was looking to do!  It was overwhelming.  This was all so sudden!
So men, I suppose, are thinking, "Wow, this is everything I've been looking for.... what the heck am I supposed to do now? Commit? Argghhhhh. I... I .... I can't. Must run!"

When I was introduced to my condo, I didn't want to think about NOT making it mine. I wanted it to be mine. Even if it was a little scary. It was completely uncharted territory for me. I didn't have my parents help me, they didn't even see it until months later. But in order to make this home MY HOME, I had to do it.

I'm willing to do that with a man. If only I could find one who was brave enough to take the plunge!
Maybe they're holding out for a balcony. Or a dining room.  Or a dishwasher. Who knows! I really don't think I'm out of their price range. hmm.
Maybe I am everything they're looking for - but I just don't feel like home.

In which case I would suggest dating me for a month or so to be sure. After all, I had to go through the mortgage process for three months before the deal was sealed! It wasn't instant. There's far less risk in dating for three months than committing to buying a home, for Pete's sake.
Dating, engagement and marriage is a much lengthier, and less fun process!

7 Quick Takes

I'm linking up with Jen @ Conversion Diary for 7 Quick Takes. I've wanted to join for some time now, but felt I wasn't blogging frequently enough to bother with it. But the more I read Catholic Mommy Blogs, the more I think they really need to be exposed to singles blogs. We need to pray for each other! Singles in the Church really, truly need prayer. I think regular readers here would agree. I'm hoping to convince all the happy mommies. Okay, here goes nothing!

--- 1 ---

Last weekend I finally got my tooshie out for a hike. It's one of my favorite things to do, but I end up never going hiking because there's no one to go with me. Then I have thoughts of Aron Ralston, or venomous rattle snakes... and it just doesn't seem safe to go alone. So I called one of my besties to let her and her hubby know that I was going hiking, and that I would call them when I was back down. Then I had the most beautiful hike on my favorite trail. Sweaty, dirty and worn out is one of my favorite things. Right after laughter through tears.
This is my view on the hike. Yeah, I live in Colorado. Don't everyone move here at once!

--- 2 ---

Well, that didn't last long! At the beginning of this week I had the most beautiful dream in which I met my husband. Now it's Friday and all the sweet, peaceful feelings have worn off. I wrote about how the most significant part of the dream was feeling my heart have a chance to rest. Each night since, I have lied in bed trying to morph back to that peaceful feeling - it does not come. Now, I just wish I could dream that dream once a week, or once a month just so my heart can rest for ten or twelve minutes.
Oddly, I wasn't really aware of the anxiety in my heart until I was in that dream and experienced, for the first time in 20 years what it was like to have a heart at rest. For the first two days after my dream, I felt it might be really possible to find my husband. Now five days later it seems like a crazy pipe dream once again. If I never, ever meet him, I pray that God would just allow me to enjoy that dream every so often in my old age.

--- 3 ---

My car has a miracle stereo system that has been trying my patience! When I bought the car, used, from some Cr@igsl!st dude, he included this tricked out stereo complete with remote control!

Last month the volume knob (which is also the auxiliary switch) just sort of jumped out of it's groove and is now very tricky to manipulate. Luckily, I have the remote control to resort to - but the volume controls there seem to be fussy - and it seems like the heat of the day is a factor. The hotter the inside of the car, the more likely the remote buttons don't work. This has confounded me until yesterday when I realized - um - maybe after five years, the battery needs to be replaced! Yeah, that makes a lot more sense than my heat theory.
I suspect I'm right.
I haven't bothered to replace the Very Special Battery just yet. But I think I get points for finally figuring it out!

--- 4 ---

I'm a summer birthday girl... and this year, for my own birthday I decided that I'm going to go to Italy in two years. It's something I've been putting off because 1) I always thought I'd go there for my honeymoon, but we all know that's not happening! 2) I never seem to be able to save that kind of money. I often joke that I never get to spend my money on what I've saved it for. Instead it ends up going to a car repair or some other emergency.
So anyway, I've decided that once I pay off a few bills I'm going to save every dollar, penny and dime so I can go to Italy for my Birthday in 2015! Shortly after this decision I found the most wonderful, comfortable pair of summer shoes, thinking, "These will be so great to wear to walk around Rome!" Yeah, I get ahead of myself sometimes. Well, I've been wearing those shoes with everything and noticed this week that the heel is going to be worn through before the end of next summer, never mind 2015. Normally, that wouldn't concern me because I have the best cobbler in three states, and I would just have him replace the heel... but of course, this particular shoe has the kind of sole where you can't just replace the heel. I guess I'll run it by him anyway, and see what he can do. But oh well!
Must start living in the present and not for the future!

--- 5 ---

I've recently discovered a couple new-to-me blogs aimed at single Catholic women. They're impressively good, for the fact that they don't only address singleness from a 20-something perspective. Because that would be shortsighted. Both writers have a wonderful ability to address the concerns of single women in their 30s and even into 40s (where I am. Sigh.) Allow me to recommend The Veil of Chastity and Seraphic Singles. I hope you find wisdom and comfort in their words as I have!
They both are married, having found their wonderful husbands later in life - but they do each have a heart for singles and haven't forgotten the agony of being kept in the waiting.

--- 6 ---

I'm pretty lucky that I work for a company that puts focus on personal wellness. We have a gym on site, and they're paying for a trainer to work us out in groups. It sounds a bit extravagant until you recognize that their money is better spent keeping employees healthy, rather than paying toward surgeries and treatments for employees who aren't healthy.
So, our trainer did one-on-one sessions with each of us to help identify more ways to improve our health. In addition to my workouts (I am already so much stronger!! My tummy is flatter too... yay!) she suggested that I get out for hikes once a week, (done) yoga once a week... and to get a solid eight hours of sleep each night... always a challenge for me since I'm a night owl who still has to work in the morning. Using my Andriod sleep app, I'm up to about 7.5 hours... but it never seems to be enough. Sigh.

--- 7 ---

Uh -- seven... let's see. Well, staying up late to write this I'm catching the Jimmy Kimmel show and a beautiful, rockin' Joan Jett belting out Bad Reputation! Yes, I am showing my age just knowing who Joan Jett is when I'm guessing most of you do not... I'm just saying it was probably worth staying up!!

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

In My Dreams

Since the whole, "You're everything I'm looking for in a woman, but I'll pass." fiasco, it's been easier to abandon the whole idea of ever, ever meeting my husband.

I mean, if I meet All. The. Criteria. and still end up alone, well then, it's totally out of my hands.  Okay God, it's on You!

Really. Thinking it through, if I hope to find a Catholic man, at this age he is likely to be divorced, and so he must have an annulment before I could marry him. Even if I'm not strictly looking for a Catholic man, then a Christian man who would be able to get an annulment. So you see, the pool is very narrow.  It's just looking impossible. It's not up to me at all.

Makes it easier to release it.
It's miracle time. And miracles aren't up to me.
I'm feeling less frustrated and more, "Hey God, this isn't MY problem. This is on You. You know where to find me. Let me know where to be."

I was talking about this with a friend last night. One of those rare friends who, now married three years with two babies, but who still remembers the pain of being single when you know your vocation is marriage... I told her and her husband that I'm out, I'll be waiting on the miracle and they agree.

Then, in the early morning hours -- I saw him. I dreamt I met my husband.
It almost seems silly now - but it was the type of dream that feels more like a message than a dream.
There were just enough symbols of recognition, points to pay attention to...  something that made my heart feel at ease.  Very close to what I've felt when I've met someone who I connected with, and see potential... but with this extra feeling of peace.

That's it, it was the feeling of peace. Who knows, my husband may not look like this guy, or sound like this guy, or have the particular qualities that were pointed out to me in my dream... but I believe I'll know him when I recognize that sense of peace.

Oh, what life could be like if my heart could just relax in love.
It was such a beautiful feeling.
When your heart aches every day for twenty years, you simply don't remember what it feels like at peace. My heart needed the break! Twelve minutes of peace after all these years...If I could just have twelve minutes more.

A Horrible, Miserable Person

Funny thing about hitting middle age, never married, and shockingly, somehow no surprise babies... if you dwell on it long enough, one might conclude the only way to get there is to be some horrible, miserable person. Someone so unappealing, with no redeeming qualities that would make it quite obvious why no one would devote his life to you.

It's one thing to feel undeserving of babies, quite another to be undeserving of love.

But then again, God doesn't award points on a merit system. Grace and gifts are not earned. Some people are just really lucky to find love, and others less so.

I found a comment in my spam folder, for my last post. Some blogless blogger (only has a blog ID to leave comments for others, not a blogger themselves) suggests that I should look at myself, to understand why I'm in the position I'm in.
As if a woman who has dated as much as I have, and been alive as long as I have, hasn't thought of that! As if there isn't a night that I climb into my empty bed and wonder what I've failed to do in my life up to this point.

Like I haven't asked all my friends and a few strangers what I'm doing wrong?

Yes, I recently dated someone who was crazy about me. He treated me like a queen and wanted nothing more than to make me happy. Is there something wrong with me that I just didn't feel the same for him? There were differences in our faith. There were differences in our entire lives! He had his three kids, and as much as he wanted to make me happy, was not willing or able to have another, so that I could experience motherhood. Even so, that wasn't the end game... but there were enough differences to point to the end.  Does that make me a horrible person? Undeserving of love?

It bugs me enough to wonder if I turned down the one man on earth who would love me.  But I don't miss him. Sure I think about him, because I grew to care about him, and his kids to some degree. I don't miss the idea of a life with him. So that's a sign I think.

I ponder daily, why this is my plight. To desire love but never find it.
Sometimes I think my placement on this earth was a mistake. Being adopted, it's likely I was one convincing argument away from being aborted. Considering the abundance of fatal food allergies I deal with... and the fact that I recently survived an eerant crustacean in my meal after several injections of life saving serums, it seems God is keeping me alive for a reason.

It is, though, incredibly hard to believe that my life will include a loving husband - forget about children at this point!

And there's something about the way our culture brought us up. Led to believe if we were reasonably pretty, thin and healthy, faithful to God and family, kind and helpful to other people, and not a crazy @$$ b!tch... that someone would appreciate us, love us and want to grow old caring for each other.
On my worst days, I look around and see fat, ugly people with husbands and children. And they're mean too! I know, I've worked in a children's portrait studio, I've met the people who should never have children - but they have them!

I know that's not charitable thinking... but then neither are the thoughts in my spam folder.

Yes, I have considered my actions in life that brought me where I am today. Yes, I've sought counsel to pull out of my own thoughts and consider an unbiased opinion. The result? A priest offered that some men are just jerks.... and a professional offered that its not me, it's the men.

I'm not a horrible, miserable person undeserving of love. I dare say I'm not hard to love either. Just unappreciated. But I am here for a reason. I'm getting an emergency room bill in the mail soon to prove it.

Like No Other

It came like an epiphany. Though, once I had time to mull it over, it's something I've known all along - or at least suspected.

A co-worker, hearing the latest of my adventures in dating, said, "Your dating life is like no one else I know."

What do you mean? 

You always date these good guys - you don't do anything wrong - but it always ends in such a strange way.  

You mean how they tell me how great I am, that I meet all their criteria, but, "No thanks"?  

Yes. Exactly. 

That doesn't happen to other people you know? 

No one. 

So you're saying, other people just meet someone they match with and it works out? 

Yeah. 

Or it obviously doesn't.

She nods.

Yep. That's the story of my life alright!

I'm not dating guys who are all wrong for me. No one abusive, or out of my league or whatever.

I'm not going pshyco-b!tch on them.

Everything is great until they say, "No thanks."  Not in those words, but ultimately, that's it.

Even better, they tell me how I'm everything they're looking for - but they're willing to pass it up.

So strange.

It makes me think that God really wants me to be alone for some reason that He won't reveal to me. No matter how much I ask. No matter how much I beg through prayer to be relieved of the desire for a husband.

This is the first thing I'll ask God when I see Him face-to-face. Why? For what purpose?


For anyone questioning my motives - why don't I just quit dating? I have. I don't pursue. But when I agree with God that clearly, He wants me to be alone... whether it's for now, or forever... I can only be obedient if I acknowledge that I'll accept the man he brings me - either the one I trip over or the one who trips over me (Why do I have a feeling it's going to be messy?)
As I did in my youth, I will go out with whomever asks me. If someone wants to date me, I feel I am obedient to God to go spend time with him.
As another friend recently pointed out, I'm rarely lacking for dates. Just husbands.
I guess I'm attractive enough, friendly enough, charming enough to attract men. And apparently to stun them into retreat! 

One Hour Photo

It's not very often that, as a single woman, you meet someone who seems to be just what you've been looking for.
Someone with a strong faith life, a strong work ethic and who is fun to spend time with, to laugh with... who you're also attracted to.  Wait. What? That happens?

I embarked on a blissful few weeks of dating... with a gentleman who is indeed all gentleman, opening doors, planning great dates, making me all smiley and happy. And oh, the laughter!

We had plans for Saturday, after he got back from an errand in a neighboring town, and after I had a massage appointment. I was with friends at a farmers market, when he texted asking if we could meet any earlier than our planned 5:00. I needed a shower after my 1:30 massage and I didn't see that I could be ready before 4:00. My friend thought it was so sweet that he wanted to see me sooner. Aww.
We ended up having a great date that night. Learning more about each other and laughing together.

Then, after our Saturday date, I had a bad vibe on Sunday when he didn't text me his usual greeting. By the end of work on Monday, he still hadn't followed up... and my bad vibe got worse when someone asked me how it was going with him. I thought I just had to guard my heart a bit rather than allow myself to get too excited.  ( good tips from The Veil of Chastity)

Then that night he emailed me, saying how much he enjoyed getting to know me, how I was clearly a smart, faithful, beautiful Catholic woman, just as he's been looking for...  He even said he doesn't find a single fault in me. But that he prayed in adoration, and it was revealed to him that we should not pursue a relationship together.

Seriously? You get answers just like that? As if God runs One Hour Photo? I don't know about anyone else, but God doesn't answer my prayers instantaneously. At best, I see His answers in hindsight. I think most of us do.

Dear sir, I think you're putting your own fears on God, because you're too scared of the answers. Too scared to really put your heart out there and see what happens.

And an email? That's no better than a post-it note! And I thought you were a gentleman.

Funny thing is, when I think about it, for that hour after work when I felt the lack of confidence about what I thought he felt... I'm quite certain that was the hour he was in adoration.
And it took him the rest of the evening to compose that email. He said himself, he labored over making sense of what he had to say. No wonder... When in the same breath you say how I'm everything you're looking for, but you're going to pass.

I don't know, but a woman would never do that. A woman would see the gift and ask God for support. Because God doesn't run one hour photo!

Leave 'em Wanting More

I'm usually the last one to leave a party. I don't know if its because I'm a night owl in the first place, or because I'm happy to help clean up... Probably because I just keep talking.

At least I know this is my weakness, and a sometimes undesired trait.
When I started dating Mr. Burns, at the point that we started hanging out at his house, I told him that I have a tendency to overstay my welcome. Warning him that he may have to say, "Okay, time for you to go home!" And in fact, he soon realized he had to, and was glad he had permission to do so.

Yes, I know the theory that you should always leave them wanting more - rather than wishing you would leave already. But as it turns out, I always seem to be on the other side of that fine line.

I had a date this weekend, and after dinner we went for a walk nearby. It was somewhat circular, and so had a prescribed end. We walked and talked and I felt like it was all going too fast. I wasn't sure if one of us was setting the tempo, or if there was a deadline I was unaware of....
Then he drove me back to my car, where he stopped in the middle of the street, got out and opened my door to let me out. He hugged me, asked for a kiss, asked if we could go out again.... SOON!
It all felt so rushed! There were cars waiting behind us in the street!

I thought, "He's not trying to get rid of me if he's asking for a kiss and another date. Why is it so rushed?"

When I got home, he emailed me saying he felt like we didn't get to talk enough, please let's go out again.
So then I wondered, why did we part at 9:15 if we both wanted to stay together?!?

Then it dawned on me, for the first time probably ever... I left someone wanting more!
Yay me.