Spreading Cheer, One Grump at a Time!

I was just visiting Rocksinmydryer – and read about her very bad day. Someone broke into her car and stole her purse. She was dealing with police and canceling credit cards and on the verge of tears when a woman, observing from across the parking lot came up and offered her flowers! How very sweet! An angel in disquise! It reminded me of an experience I’ve been meaning to share here for some time….

In my last job, I traveled all over the country to interview people about their homes. Pretty sweet job for someone who loves houses and architecture!

Most of the homeowners were so very sweet and thoughtful.
On one trip in particular, I remember arriving at my hotel, greeted by a bouquet of cheerful wildflowers native to the area. A welcome present from the homeowner I was to interview the next day.

Sadly though, my photographer and I had to travel in the dark from the last shoot – we arrived after dinner and just before bedtime. We had to wake up early for the next days’ shoot so there wasn’t much time to enjoy the flowers. When I packed up my bags in the morning, I brought the vase out to the rental car and propped it in one of the cup-holders. The flowers sat graciously in the car while we spent 10 hours shooting in the home of the woman who arranged them for me.

Then, just before dark, we set off in the car to the nearest town with an airport to fly out the next morning. So I enjoyed the flowers for maybe three hours.

Knowing I couldn’t possibly take them on the plane, it pained me to think of tossing them. So as we drove, I mentioned to my photographer that it would be nice if we could stop by a nursing home and drop them off for someone who needed the cheering up. I would ask the desk to give them to someone who doesn’t get many visitors.

But it would be late when we arrived to check in to the hotel, and we still had to eat. Driving around looking for a worthy recipient didn’t really fit into the schedule – we had to catch an early flight in the morning.

Oh well.

We went into a franchise restaurant for a late dinner. After we ordered, but were still waiting for our food, I noticed a woman with her elderly mother. They seemed to be having a strained conversation. We couldn’t hear, but it was clear it wasn’t a casual conversation. Not stressful, not fighting. They were just talking about something difficult. Maybe they were discussing a sick relative or something.

Well there you go. They could use flowers. I thought. I asked my photographer friend if it would be too weird to get the flowers out of the truck and offer them to the ladies. He thought it was a nice idea.

So I took the keys and dashed out to the car. I was a little nervous as I approached their table. I explained, "I’m visiting from out of town, and was given these flowers. I can’t take them on the plane and I’d really like for someone to enjoy them. Would you like them?"

"No."

Really? Who doesn’t want flowers? Maybe they didn’t appreciate the interruption. Maybe they were so caught up in their problems that they didn’t recognize the kindness I was trying to offer them. I was bewildered. Not even "No, thank you." Just "No."

I went back to our table with the flowers. My photographer friend tried to hold back his smirk and said, "Oooh. Shot down!"

Seriously. I wasn't a pimply kid asking out the prom queen, but suddenly I understood what that kid felt like!

Most of all, I felt sad for the two ladies who didn't embrace the kind offer. It was really sad.

In the end, we offered them to the restaurant manager who in turn gave them to one of his waitresses. So at least they didn’t go to waste.

I’m still stunned when I think about someone rejecting flowers!

They'll Take My Generation X Card Away

I’ve never seen a single episode of Star Wars in it's entirity.

Despite the fact that I had a Princess Leah Barbie doll. Yeah, I took the buns out of her hair and never got them back in.

When people learn this about me, they are stunned. They ask how this is possible. They’ve threatened to release me from Generation X, especially after the two new ‘first’ episodes hit theaters.

I had to think about it, and here’s the answer:
The first Star Wars movie was released in what 1977? My parents didn’t really take us to movies. I saw maybe 5 movies in a theatre before I was 16 years old. On top of that, we lived in the country and didn’t have access to cable television, which is how most people saw certain movies 5 to 10 times before the advent of VCRs. My parents didn’t get a VCR until I was in college. By then, catching up on Star Wars required dedicating 8 hours of my life to watch what amounts to an old movie.

Mr. Burns learned all of this last weekend. We both bemoan the fact that there is never anything good on TV despite the 400 some channels he has to choose from with his satellite service. (is anyone surprised that I don’t even have cable?!) We were flipping through the channels and he landed on the middle of the first new Star Wars episode. Episode One I presume. He wanted to watch it. That led to revealing all the information that I have just shared with you.

Okay. So we pick up right about where Anakin’s mother dies. The next thing I know, there is a battle that never ends. If at some point the good guys appear to be making progress, more droids enter the battlefield. Droids that aren’t even remotely similar to the first ones seemingly assigned to the battle. This doesn’t seem fair. You can’t challenge someone to a fight and then keep replacing the foes they manage to defeat. More importantly, this means that the battle never ends. Boring! How interesting is it to watch the same fight for 40 minutes?

I started shifting in my seat. Now, I work in television, and I have been responsible for the production end of a number of shows. I start thinking… there had to be a point where George Lucas and the film editor thought; “This is getting long. Tedious even. Maybe we need to shorten the battle scene.” And they choose not to!

I thought, this is about as interesting as watching some on screen couple kiss – nothing else – just kiss - for 2 two hours. Fun for them, but not really interesting for anyone else.

I finally got up and told Mr. Burns that I was going to the other room to count the hairs on my arms, just for the change of pace.

The Big Scare

I just want to throw a (sarcastic) giant thank you out into the universe to the moron who tried to kill me today.

I was driving up Colorado Boulevard (Northbound, just before the I-25 split) when suddenly this beige/bronze CRV nearly sideswiped me! I slammed the breaks and steered to the right.

I was in the center right lane, Stupid-face CRV was in the center left. But here's the thing... he wasn't right next to me... no ... that might mean that I could have been in his blind spot. (not that that's an excuse... move your heads people!!) Oh no. He was overtaking me, meaning he was passing in the left lane. There's no reason he shouldn't have known I was there. Essentially I was IN FRONT OF HIM. Freaking moron! Darn near killed me.

It was the scariest thing I've experienced in a while.

But I want to say thanks because... I had been feeling so good.
After a year of expensive deep tissue massage and chiropractic adjustments I was begining to feel like a normal healthy human being.
My neck wasn't hurting and my back was feeling great. Thank you so much for locking up my spine. Just tell me where to send the Chiropractic bill you cheese head.

Ugh. I watched as he moved along in traffic. He's one of those creeps who needs to move over 4 lanes in the span of a block because he can't plan ahead.

Matched Souls

Oh. my. word! I can't believe it!

I just met my new neighbor. She's outside with the movers right now.
As she walked over to greet me I thought, "She looks a little like my friend Kimberly."

Well, she doesn't look entirely like Kimberly, just enough to put her in my head. But then she started talking! And I almost started to cry.

She says things like, "The building? I love, love, love it! So so cute!"

When she opened her mouth I couldn't stop myself from hugging her because she made me miss Kimberly (who is far away from me in San Francisco) so much!!
Here I am. A perfect stranger, suddenly attached to her neck!
She must think I'm crazy!!
Funny thing is... she totally accepted the hug and hugged back!

I'm a FREAK!!

Funnier still. Guess how I met Kimberly? When she was moving in across the hall from me.
We were neighbors for 2-3 months before I moved about a mile away. We rarely saw each other until she decided to up and move to Seattle a few months (like 6-9 months) later.
So we are long distance friends - soul mates - sisters all because we shared a hallway for 3 months!

UPDATE: This is great... Kimberly's response to the incident:

HAHAHAHAHA! Awesome!
Now I need my own personal TRS-clone HERE. Fair is fair!
K

Learn to Ski

Okay. I've been telling some of my friends about my experience skiing with Mr. Burns and teaching my niece to advance past her ski lesson.

The reaction I got from at least two friends was that their ski adventures didn't go as well. They learned to ski with their boyfriends at the time and as a result they find it terrifying and absolutely no fun.

This is very sad to me.

My advice to everyone who wants to try skiing for the first time. GET A LESSON!

Do not count on your friends to teach you. Not only is it very likely that they will fail - if they even attempt more than just getting you on a lift - no one will enjoy the experience.

Below is my table listing reasons why to spring for a lesson.

The fact is, paying for a lesson will add between $20 and $40 to your ski day. It is well worth it.

My friends (and my brother) who decided to forego lessons in favor of skiing with their friends... had terrible experiences.

Skiing is supposed to be fun.

My brother was forced to keep up with his advanced friends. He couldn't possibly. Turned out, they went down the same run 3 or 4 times passing him each time as he struggled his way down the slope. Not cool.

My girlfriends never got past learning to snow plow. That is not fun.

I'll bet you wads of cash that those boyfriends grew tired real quick of spending time on remedial skills. After an hour of that - they went off to have fun.

The girls in turn, didn't want to be left out - so they busted their buns to keep up on advanced slopes that were way beyond their skill level. They had to be freakin' sore, exhausted and most likely, less enamored with their boyfriend (and the sport) at the end of the day.

My boyfriend and I took my niece under our wings the day after her first lesson. She was showing great instincts and skills so we just skied slowly and gave her pointers.

It helped that I love my niece tremendously and would never abandon her.

And that Mr. Burns had already had his fill of skiing for the season and didn't mind puttering down a hill with a teenager, teaching her how to get back up after falls - and encouraging her to turn and take on inclines that he was confident she could handle... even if she doubted her skill.

Bottom line: If you're planning a trip with folks who don't live in mountains... and this is their one chance to ski each year... trust me, they don't want to waste their trip teaching someone how to ski.

Don't take it personally. In fact, if your friend recommends your taking a lesson rather than them teaching you... it means they love you and want you to stick around.

You'll be happier if you take a group lesson.

My tip for the day!

An Ideal Girlfriend

It seems, that one of the top things on a single man’s wish list is a woman who enjoys the same activities as he.

Here in Denver, that puts mountain biking and skiing at the top of the list. They want a woman who can at least keep up with them – and in this very active, outdoor oriented state (Colorado, I mean – not a mental state) there are many women who fit the requirement. Lucky guys.

In my relationship, Mr. Burns is thankful that I enjoy hiking and rollerblading and biking, even if I can’t exactly keep up. Mr. Burns is good at almost every sport. Last summer he spent a lot of time trying to teach me tennis. This was both fun and frustrating.

Each time I let a ball go by just because I didn’t want to run to meet it, added to his frustration. But in my defense, I was suffering from hip pain which was more debilitating than I realized. The pain made it very hard to run, and took twice as much energy as it should just to trot after the stray balls.

So when I told Mr. Burns that I was a decent skier, it is fair that he had some doubts. I haven’t even been skiing in three years. Two years ago I went up to Breckenridge with an out-of-town friend and we took snow board lessons together. That was my last time on the mountain.

Now, Mr. Burns has been skiing quite a bit this winter while I was working weekends. This past weekend was our only chance to go up together. My brother and his family were out to visit and take their kids skiing for the first time. The fam stayed at my cousin’s condo, and Mr. Burns and I joined them on Friday night.

I had to go rent skis and equipment and Mr. Burns overheard the conversation as the sales guy was trying to determine my skill level. I told him that I was pretty good on blues and trying to conquer blue/blacks. I’m sure Mr. Burns had his doubts.

On Saturday, the two of us took my oldest niece down some runs and taught her how to advance beyond the ‘snow plow’ philosophy that the instructors drilled into her the day before. It was an opportunity for me to warm up a bit, since it had been so long since I strapped boards to my feet. Thankfully it all came back to me.

After two runs with the kiddo, Mr. Burns asked if I was up for a blue/black and off we went. The steepest section was a little tricky but I gave it my all – at one point about 20 yards from catching up to Mr. Burns I was chanting, “Kinda scary, kinda scary, kinda scary.” He heard me and had a good chuckle over it.

Once past that challenge I felt pretty exhilarated for the rest of the black run. Mr. Burns was beaming as he announced that I was pretty fast. He was impressed! How thrilled he was that I was a better skier than most of his friends’ wives. Whoo hoo!

Later, I told him that I’ve only been skiing 10-12 days out of my entire life. Well, now he was more than excited. If I could actually get on a mountain I’d be a great skier! The only thing holding me back is cash flow!

Yeah… you definitely have a future together when you talk about getting buddy passes next year.

I gave it up for Lent

But I have to keep working on it.

My Lenten Resolution was to manage my time on the internet in an effort to not waste so much of it. Time that is.

I even bought a kitchen timer and for the first two or three weeks, I'd give myself 20 or 30 minutes a day and I stuck to it.

Mr. Burns tries to help. When I sit down to check my email or pay bills online he reminds me, "Don't stay on too long baby." He knows better than to try to figure out what I'm doing on here. The answer would probably bore him to tears!

Now, the week before Easter, I'm no better off than when I started. Except now my eyeballs aren't tired all the time!

Tonight, on my trolling adventures I found this:

Too perfect!

Though I'm not going around correcting people... but I do enjoy sharing my opinion.

Okay... gotta go to bed now.

It's The Little Things

I feel like I have neglected my brain for the past few years.

Honestly... after writing on daily deadlines for 10 years straight since finishing college... I changed careers and started writing only emails. Then I started this blog just to force myself to practice my writing (and to have some sort of audience - even if it's mostly imagined).

I swear, I find myself mispelling words that I never even doubted myself about before. It's as if my fingers don't even remember the words - regardless of what my brain claims to know!!

Some people turn to puzzles and crosswords to keep their brain sharp. I know people who have enjoyed those sort of games their entire lives. They never really appealed to me.

Then Sudoku came about. Please. I would never choose to spend extra time with numbers no matter how friendly they pretend to be!

But Mr. Burns, being the Head-Of-His-Class, Engineer, brainy type - obviously keeps his mind sharp with Sudoku, Crossword puzzles and other mind teasers. One Sunday he sat toiling over and enjoying the Post's crossword puzzle and as I made attempts to assist - I realized that Crossword clues are a venacular all their own. If I wanted to take up Crossword Puzzles, I would have to start with the Idiot's Guide just to warm up!!

The next time we found ourselves at the store, Mr. Burns picked up a couple of puzzle/mind teaser workbooks. Hmmm. They got an idiot version in there for me to work on?

The books have 8-12 different kinds of puzzles... and before long, the two of us found one type of puzzle to work on together. It's called Anagram Magic Square. Mr. Burns handles the math portion and we each contribute our specialized knowledge to solve the literary clues. Not bad. It's certainly a fun way to uncover the many interesting ways your mates' mind works. (I worry that he's just figured out that I'm not-so-bright!)

I also found another sort of puzzle that is particularly appealing to me - Laddergrams. Ooh fun!

So I found it particularly charming the other day when I got to Mr. Burns' house and he held up the puzzle book saying, "There is only one of these puzzles left in this book. (magic square) I'm saving it for us to do together. Don't do it without me."

Awwww!

It is a truly fine and elegant drink

Can't stop laughing.

For Valentine's day, Mr. Burns decided to take me to the little mom 'n pop indian restaurant by my house that I enjoy so very much. Really, it is unbelieveable how good the Saag is there!!

The problem with dining with me... never mind all my food allergies... is that I really prefer sparkling water with my meal. I love San Pellegrino.

But I know from experience that this little restaurant only has Perrier, and that will do just fine. I also remember from another time at this restaurant, that the same waiter was more than unfamiliar with just exactly what Perrier is. During last night's visit, we learned that he didn't remember anything from last time.

So anyway. Mr. Burns orders a beer and I ask for a Perrier. And to be clear, I described what I wanted... a bottle of sparkling water.

In short order Mr. Burns gets his beer and the waiter asks me to repeat what kind of wine I want. Not wine, sparkling water. Okay. He goes off.

He brings us our flatbread and tammerin sauce... yummmmmm. It's kind of spicy so by now I'm really wishing for my water.
Another 5 minutes go by and the waiter tells me he'll have my bottle out in a few more minutes. Meanwhile I'm staring at bottles of Perrier behind the counter staring back at me. Taunting me.

Before long, I see our waiter with the manager, pulling bottles of imported beer out of a bar fridge looking for whatever it is he's dying to bring me. I wonder what they're looking for.

Next, our waiter arrives with an ice bucket on a stand and sets it next to our table. (I'm crying right now trying to find words to relay the story!!!) Mr. Burns and I exchange glances. He's pretty concerned. We are quite positive that Perrier rarely comes with bottle service!!

Mr. Burns shoots up from his seat - over to the counter and explains that I just want bottled water. (can't breathe!) He comes back and says he was worried they were going to open a bottle of Dom Perigone or something!! And he didn't want to pay for that.

The waiter apologizes profusely - takes away the ice bucket and brings me a plastic bottle of Perrier. He thought I asked for sparkling wine - thus the big production to locate it!

Oh my word.

My Funny Valentine

Mr. Burn's and I have had brief conversations over the past year that we've been dating that revealed that neither of us care too much for Valentine's day.

I once told him I'd rather get flowers in August when they are reasonably priced and a surprise.

I never want him to feel obligated to get me something.

Last Sunday we were going through the Sunday paper and I saw all the JCPenney and KMart ads with all the heart shaped jewlery (which I personally, find not only goofy-looking, but hideous).
In a moment of self preservation turned to him and said, "I'm sure you never would, but I just want to be clear. Don't ever get me anything like this."
He replied, "I wouldn't."

Whew.

So Mr. Burns called me today on my lunch break and said, "Happy Valentine's Day. I didn't get you anything." I said that's fine. pause. "Did you get me something?" He asked. No. I made you something. "You made me something? Crap."

Tee hee.

Originally, I had no plans to get Mr. Burns anything but a card for Valentine's Day. Then I was talking with my friend Kimberly - telling her one of those stories about little frustrations in a relationship - a story in which Mr. Burns was frustrated with my habit of identifying different meanings to words that he viewed as inocculous.

For example, "But you keep saying it's fine. Then later you're upset about it!?!?!"
I had to explain that 'fine' doesn't mean, "great. that's super. It means that I accept that right now and I'm not ready to give up on you just yet."

After this exchange, Mr. Burns blurted out, "Well. If I had consulted the TRS to English dictionary, maybe I would know that!"

Kimberly cracked up at the story and suggested that I make him a TRS to English dictionary for Valentine's day. I couldn't resist! I thought I'd go to Kinko's to use their Publisher program and color copiers and spend about $5 on the little project.

Wrong! An hour of computer time cost me $14 and several pages that printed out too big cost me a bunch more! Oh well. I was giggling the whole time and left rather satisfied about my little gag gift.

So when he came over this evening to take me to dinner, I presented him with a card and his little wrapped gift. (the card nearly made him cry) I told him the gift was something he once mentioned he would find useful.

He was completely confused!

Finally he got it open and saw the 'binding' which read, "TRS to English Dictionary" He burst out laughing. Then he turned the book over and over reading each of the tidbits I came up with...

Along with the title, the front cover read: "The standard reference tool for certain men named Mr. Burns - seeking to communicate with certain women named TRS."

Then on the back: " The beauty of this reference source is its adapability. It is designed to be added to and modified for years to come. A flexibility unparalleled among all other reference guides."

I also added reviews - "This is the essential tome for effective discourse. I couldn't put it down."

"Undeniably clear and concise. No other reference is comparable."
"Redefines terminology in an easy to understand format. A must for all men."
and my favorite.... "Understated. Refined. Superlative." !!!

He didn't stop laughing until long after he'd read every word!
It was a big hit.

Milestones or Assumptions?

Losing a child has to be the hardest thing God asks anyone to face.

I've been following a story here in Denver on the case of a Colorado woman who moved to Georgia. She was back in Denver for Christmas, returned to Georgia and was suddenly missing on New Years Day. Turns out she went for a hike with her dog and encountered a wanderer who murdered her.

Story here: http://www.thedenverchannel.com/news/15186861/detail.html

The murderer was sentenced to life in prison last week. At the sentencing, her father spoke about his regret that he'll never walk her down the aisle at her wedding, or hold a grandchild.

Why is that always what parents say? That they most look forward to seeing their child get married? That they expect them to have children?

I understand that they are talking about milestones, but why does everyone assume that everyone is going to get married and reproduce?

I mean no disrespect to this woman's family. I understand the loss. My sister was murdered at the same age as this woman. But my parents never said a word about missing her wedding. Maybe that's because she already had a baby. I don't know.

I bring this up because as someone's child... if that's the big event my parents were looking forward to... well I feel like a lousy kid. I'm almost 38. I've never been married. I've never had a kid because I don't want to raise a kid without a husband. I realize that even if I do get married someday, my parents may not be around to witness it. Does that make me a failure? One basic thing that my parents want for me and I can't even give them that!

My thoughts also go to the children who hear this expectation come from their own parents mouths... even though they might be gay. Can you imagine the pressure of a poor kid who knows he or she will never have ANY interest in the opposite sex - to learn that the big day their parents are waiting for is a wedding day?!?

Maybe it comes from knowing a great love.... and wanting nothing but a great love for your child. Maybe that is the supreme happiness. Maybe that's as good as it gets.

But to me, it's almost like saying that unless you find that love... that dang near impossible to find love... that your life was somehow empty. And I guess I find that insulting because I don't view my life as empty.

Maybe some of you folks who have fallen in love and bred and reproduced can enlighten me.

Christmas recap

Wow. I almost forgot to share!
Christmas was so lovely.

This is the first year that I didn't trek home for Christmas with the family.

Since Mr. Burns and I went out to San Francisco for Kimberly & Andrew's wedding the week before Christmas, I begged out on hopping in a car and driving across a state and a half. And I'm talking Colorado and Nebraska.... not two of those puny little states out East that only take an hour to cross!

So on Christmas eve Mr. Burns came to my place just as my brother phoned. We listened to his family along with my parents singing Silent Night over the phone! My brother plays guitar - and after the gifts are opened on Christmas eve, everyone sings Christmas songs and carols. I didn't want to miss that so I asked them to call for at least one song. It made me a little teary picking out the voices of my nieces and nephew at certain points in the song.

After that we went to Midnight Mass at the Cathedral Basilica - Officiated by the Bishop. It was beautiful. The choir - magnificent. I was moved to tears.

Then Christmas morning, I got out of my bed and went to Mr. Burns' room to be sure he was up, as he had committed to lector at the 10:00 Mass at his church.

I crawled into his bed while he went to church.

When he got back home, I was still snuggled under the down comforter with crisp winter sunlight streaming in the floor to ceiling to windows. Such a perfect place!

Then he walked in with a big smile on his face, dangling a gift bag on his finger. We had agreed not to exchange gifts, but he's too sweet and generous for that. I feel a little rotten because I stuck to the agreement - but I'm not working right now so I think we both think that's fair.
Inside the bag... a gift card from a brand new spa just across the stree from his condo. He told me that I could just ooze my way back to his place afterward!

The best part - he purchased the river rock massage!

When Kimberly and I went for Mani/pedis on her wedding day - they used warm river stones to massage our legs. It was amazing!!! Who knew that heated stones could feel so - - - GOOD! After we spent 10 minutes talking about it, I asked Mr. Burns if he could believe we could gush over rocks like that! He couldn't.
But how sweet. He listens. And got me the river stone massage! I'm such a lucky girl.

Once I pulled myself out of bed, we spent the day eating Honey Baked Ham and garlic mashed potatoes, watching movies and watching the snow fall.
The snow fell all day long. It was amazing. We got 8 inches in one day!

So my favorite line from The Nitty Gritty Dirt Band's 'Colorado Christmas' is true:
The closest thing to heaven on this planet anywhere
Is a quiet Christmas morning
in the Colorado snow

Why would I ask him?

Dear, Sweet, fabulous Kimberly asked me to be her wedding photographer. I was honored of course, as I am an amature photographer who tends to rely on AUTO. I've yet to embrace aperture and f-stop settings. I was a bit nervous about how things would turn out.

This meant that I would require the use of a flash during the ceremony. Something most churches don't allow. Kimberly of course, had this all worked out with her minister - until the wedding rehearsal.

I spoke with the minister after rehearsal, asking what she would tolerate and what she wouldn't. During this little talk she told me that while she is allowing flash photography in this instance - the other minister was very much against it - and that if he gave me the evil eye during the ceremony - that I should cease taking pictures all together.

I shouldn't have, but I told Kimberly what the minister said. I wanted to be sure that she knew my limitations. In the car ride from the church to the next meeting place - Kimberly had to rant.
This 'other minister' sort of included himself in the ceremony two weeks before the wedding - and had been making changes all over the place.

Kimberly wanted to email him and tell him to back off. "No wait, I'll call him." she said, "and tell him that he can't just change everything that we worked to put in place - at the last minute. What do you think I should say?"

Wow. I didn't want to see anything blow up before the wedding.

I surprised myself by advising her to ask her fiance what he thinks. You see, I've always been a very independent spirit - I question nothing. So when this advice poured out of my mouth I realized just how much I have come to trust Mr. Burns and value his contribution.

I turned to Kimberly and said, "I just know that when I have an issue, and ask Mr. Burns what he thinks - he always has an answer that I would never have arrived at... and it's usually the best answer."

Kimberly agreed. Asking her man for his opinion was a good idea. Then we marveled at these wonderful men in our lives and how we trust them so implicitly. Something these two strong headed women NEVER expected to find!

The next day, as the bride and I set out for mani/pedis and hair dos - she turned to me and said, "So I asked the groom what you should do about the other minister and his evil eye."

"Oh good." I said. "What did he say?"

"He says - don't look at him. If you don't make eye contact... there is no problem."


See? We laughed. We would never have thought of that... and it's a great solution!

One Liners

The week before Christmas Mr. Burns and I found ourselves at my dear friend Kimberly's home in San Francisco. This is a friend I see so rarely. Four times in the past 6 years.

Mr. Burns pointed out Kimberly's refrigerator - covered in photos of friends and family - with one HUGE picture of ME!

Seriously.
It was an 8.5 x 11 sheet of paper of just my head! My head from a photo of myself and Mr. Burns. It looked like Mr. Burns didn't make the cut.
We took turns speculating about this giant picture of me... that perhaps Mr. Burns hadn't graduated to the friends and family shrine since Kimberly hadn't met him yet.

When Kimberly entered the kitchen, in my best mockingly accusatory tone I asked her what she was thinking posting such an enormous picture of my head on her fridge.

Her answer. "I hit Print and that's what came out."

My Christmas List

Borrowing this idea from katietimothy.blogspot.com

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags?

Wrapping paper. I love to crisscross corresponding ribbons into neat little bows on top. I do keep gift bags on hand for presents outside of the Christmas season.

2. Real tree or Artificial?

I love a real tree, but I have an artificial now because my place is so small. Someday when I have a house, I'm definately going back to the real thing.

3. When do you put up the tree?

December 8th. The Feast of the Immaculate Conception. Mom always did this... mainly I think because we had the day off of school every year and she could get lots of help from the kids!

4. When do you take the tree down?

January 5th - The Feast of Epiphany. When the wise men reach the Christ Child. In the Catholic calendar, Epiphany marks the end of the Christmas Season.

5. Do you like eggnog?

Not particularly. Plus I'm allergic to eggs so I have a great excuse not to partake!

6. Favorite gift received as a child?

Hmm. That's a tough one. But I do remember being very small and out Christmas shopping with Mom. We were in Rexall Drug and I spotted this HUGE Pooh Bear. (remember this had to be about 1975) I don't think I really desired the bear, but I was overwhelmed by it's size. I retrospect it wasn't THAT big... 2 -3 feet tall, I suppose. I pulled on Mom's arm and said, "Wow, look at that Pooh Bear!" She was noticably uncomfortable as she acknowledged it and pulled my attention elsewhere. On Christmas Morning, I found a huge Winnie the Pooh under the tree.

Funny that memory stood out... and years later I realized why mom was uncomfortable. He was probably already in the secret hiding place and she didn't want to blow her cover!

7. Do you have a nativity scene?

Yes. When my mom and dad were visiting we were milling around some estate sales/ yard sales and stopped at a church sale. Mom pointed out a nativity set just like the one I grew up with... same stable and everything - I paid $10!. The figures are Papier Mache`. I smooshed quite a few of them as a child! It's a little mismatched but reminds me of my childhood!
I saw the most beautiful manger scene for sale the other day... carved of wood and imported from Italy... with a $1200 price tag! That's a lot of stays at an Inn!

8. Hardest person to buy for?

Hmmm. My Brother probably. I think I've hit the mark with him ONCE.... when I got him a tripod for his video camera.

9. Easiest person to buy for?

Dad. He doesn't want anything, doesn't need anything. I get him something warm and a jar of nuts!

10. Mail or email Christmas cards?

Hmmm, I'd prefer to do cards (if I actually did them). And oddly, I love getting those newsletters from friends and family. Last year a couple of my relatives skipped the newsletters and I was so sad!

11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received?

Hate to say it but anything from my SIL's mom! I wish she didn't love buying gifts so much... I don't understand why I'm on her list - I barely know her! Last year it was a huge talking Easter Bunny! If I had a house with a porch, and children to entertain, it wouldn't be so bad. Or even if I had a basement to store it! I have none of those things! When getting a gift for someone who lives in a 700 sq foot condo... don't give them something that requires 11 months of storage! Get them something consumable!

12. Favorite Christmas Movie?

Is this debateable? It's a Wonderful Life. Best movie ever! The film is flawless. love it!

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas?

I did great this year... I started in October. I have one left to get... since I have to get them all in the mail by the end of the weekend. We're going to San Fran on the 15th. Otherwise, I start picking things up in about August... and go until the week before. I really want to stop the gift giving. Buy less. Give more. - my new Christmas goal.

14. Ever recycled a Christmas present?

Sure. Only once or twice.

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas?

Oh, Mom used to make this Almond Bark. Oh yeah. Better get that recipe one of these years.


16. Clear lights or colored on the tree?

Clear. Someday I want to buy sets of Red, Green and White... and then combine them so there is red green and white alternating on each strand. Then I'll make them blink.

17. Favorite Christmas song?

Oh Holy Night. Still looking for the best rendition of it. I also love The Peace Carol and When the River Meets the Sea from John Denver and The Muppets, a Christmas Together.
Then, to ring in the new year.... What are you doing New Year's Eve... Harry Conick Jr does it best!

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home?

I've traveled EVERY YEAR for Christmas. This year will be my first staying where I live! Can't wait!

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer?

Maybe after a few glasses of wine and a few tries!!

20. Angel on the tree top or a star?

Star. Still haven't found the right one, so currently nothing.

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning?

Our family exchanges gifts Christmas Eve. Then Santa's gifts are discovered in the morning... then extended family exchanges on Christmas day. It's too much really!

22. Most annoying thing about this time of year?

The commercialization. I think the same people who are offended by my "Merry Christmas" are the ones ensuring that everyone makes a buck on it!

23. Favorite ornament, theme, or color?

Oh. how I wish the ornaments from my childhood had survived. I loved the glass blown ornaments.. the little oblong ones with stripes. I think my mom has very few survivors.
I have Pooh Bear and Tigger ornaments from Hallmark.... And snowmen! Lots of fat round chubby snow men!

24. What do you want for Christmas this year?

To feel the presence of Christ. To experience the miracle and wonder like I did as a child.

A Mighty Good Man

With just a few minutes left before closing time, I started to turn down the lights in the portrait studio. Then I went into the camera rooms to tidy up and shut down the computers.

From inside the small room, I heard someone approach the counter. Dread. I just wanted to close up and get out of there and didn't really feel like dealing with a customer.
I screwed on my smiley face and went back out. Seeing the form of a man, I concluded that it was probably a dad coming to pick up the portraits his wife had ordered.

I glanced at the guy and thought, "He's kinda cute." Then he turned to face me... it was my boyfriend! He'd come to surprise me!

He'd been away for ten days over Thanksgiving, then we saw each other for one evening before he had to leave again on a work trip. He'd been so busy I didn't even expect to see him until tomorrow evening.

I just love that he surprised me! Sometimes I think I'm the only person I know who loves surprises... and no one ever surprises me!

Good job Mr. Burns. Isn't it nice to have a girl who is so easy to please?!

The Difference Between Men and Women

Still on my date with JR, the quiet and intense man trying to woo me.

We enjoyed plenty of conversation over dinner. An Air Force pilot, he told me about a problem he was experiencing with another pilot.

A little background, this all occured during the first year that women combat pilots were joining the men. I knew a couple of these women and considered some of them friends.

JR told me about one woman (the one I didn't know well) who was annoying not only him, but the other pilots as well. "She won't shut up." he said. He explained how in the plane, they all wear headsets to channel communication because the plane is so loud. Typically, the pilots only speak over the headsets deliberately... to convey information... or to make a quick joke.

"But she's constantly talking on the headset. 'Ooh, look at that cloud!' It's making us all nuts!"

I mulled this over for a minute and I thought I could relate to this woman in some way.
I told him, "You know, I think I understand what's happening. She's one of a few women breaking into male territory. She wants to fit in. It sounds like she's going about it wrong, but understand that when women are uncomfortable silence is even more uncomfortable. If we're in a car with you and you're not talking... we assume you're mad at us. So considering her position... the silence is stressful for her and she has a need to fill it."

He sat silently and considered what I had to say. Finally, he said, "That makes sense. Thank you. At least now I know why she's doing it, so maybe it won't bother me as much."

Hmmm. Interesting. We went on to enjoy our meal, our wine and had a great time.

When we got back to his car for the 40 minute drive back to town, we continued to talk and had plenty to talk about. I remember thinking to myself, "Wow. For a guy who doesn't talk much - this is going really well." As I finished that thought... and became conscious again of the atmosphere in the car... there was a lull. Internally, I panicked a little bit - thinking about our dinner conversation. Oh no.

At that very moment, he broke the silence again. "I just want you know... " he said, "I'm not mad at you."

That's when I burst into laughter.

Back to Storytime.

When the very smart but quiet and intense man asked me out, See the Jeckyl and Hyde post below. He took me out to the nicest restaurant around, a clear attempt to impress me. This meant a 40 minute drive to another tiny town to the restaurant owned by a national celebrity who made a movie in the area years before. (sorry I'm not being specific about where I lived.)

This place was the one restaurant in the area with a grand reputation - everyone talked about going there. A married woman that I worked with was envious because I ended up going there a handful of times with different dates and her husband had not taken her there ONCE!!

So, expectations are high. This place is grand. We get there relatively early and the place is nearly empty.

The maitre’ de seated us right at the front of the room where there was bound to be a flow of patrons breezing passed us all evening. I was disappointed. Not cool for a first date. I knew it wasn't a great table but I didn't say anything.
On one hand, sure we were young and perhaps they wanted to save the better tables for more impressive couples... but it couldn't be less romantic!

We sat down and starting looking at menus. JR's face turned hard and I could tell something was wrong. I gently asked and he said, "This is a lousy table."
He got up, went straight to the maitre de and spoke quietly.

We were quickly whisked away to an intimate table in a dark corner.
I knew I was dealing with a guy who knew quality and how to get it. Yeah. That impressed me.

Keep Christmas Well

There is a line in 'A Christmas Carol' when Scrooge visits his revised Christmas Future (if I remember right) in which his niece tells the gathered guests with pride... "Mr. Scrooge keeps Christmas well."

The last time I saw the movie that line struck me. So much so that my eyes welled with tears. It was another sign to me that I have to make changes in the way I celebrate Christmas. (see posts below - Nov 2 and Jan 8) It helped to identify my need to keep the true spirit of Christmas. I want to keep Christmas well.

This year I want to experience the sacred wonder of Christmas - even if I don't have children.

After Mass this Sunday, I'm really looking forward to it!

Mr. Burns and I went to his church on Sunday. There was a group selling religious items in the back of church after Mass. On their table I spotted an advent wreath/ candle holder that fit the requirements I've been trying to meet for years! Simple, small, traditional.

Of course this was the ONE time I went to church without my purse so I asked Mr. Burns if he would buy it and I would pay him back once we got home. He agreed, and we also picked out some taper candles and prayer booklets to go with it.

I was so pleased! Another step toward starting Christmas preparations and my own traditions.

As we walked out of church he handed me the bag and said, "There you go. That's your Christmas present."

"No, no. You don't have to do that. I'm paying you back when we get home." I said.

"No. This is your Christmas present. You're not getting anything else." He smiled.

Suddenly I was filled with joy, as I realized that I just received something very special. If Mr. Burns and I do end up together... each Christmas we'll bring out the Advent wreath that he got for me when we were dating.

Not quite Jeckell and Hyde

Ever meet one of those guys that you instantly dislike? And then end up dating him?

When I met JR, he immediately took to berating my career field. He was smart, and did a fine job of knocking my profession down a few pegs before I decided to stop our conversation and go talk to someone else.

It was probably a year later that I found myself at a dinner party where we were both guests. The entire party was a lively bunch... everyone telling stories, trying to earn a laugh. I noticed that JR was rather quiet. But when he did open his mouth, the few words that came out were carefully chosen and hilarious.

A few months later the same group was together on New Year's Eve. This time I found myself playing pool with him, and a mild flirtation developed.

After the clock struck midnight, breakfast preparations began in the kitchen and by the time we were eating our pancakes JR looked at me seriously and said... "What do you think about someone who talks to you over a meal and puncuates their conversation by pointing their fork at you?" I replied, "They're horrible and rude."
He turned back to his plate, moved some food around and then looked me in the eye and said, "That was my way of asking you out... in case you didn't catch that."

"Actually, I missed it entirely. I'm glad you clarified."

"Well, I'd like to take you out to dinner. But sometimes I don't talk much, so I'm worried about how that would go."

"It couldn't be too bad. Worst case scenario, I point at you and laugh."

He smiled. "Good. I'll have to call you."

Memory Lane

I originally started this blog after many disappointing years of single life. Not to say that all the years were disappointing… heavens no. Just the single part. Okay, that should be “Years of disappointing single life.” Better.

In fact, it was because I dated so many fascinating guys (rarely more than a date or two… month or two at most) and I had so many funny stories from these experiences… I felt they should be saved for posterity.

Many of my friends think my dating stories should fill a book. Guess I'll let you be the judge!

Well, soon after I started the blog – life got a little extra complicated. Then I picked it back up again about a year ago.

A few months after that God gave me a big surprise and introduced me to someone very special. I just can’t believe how beautiful, and easy, and wonderful this relationship is. What a blessing!

It feels strange to tell too much about the great Mr. Burns. (his pseudonym – obviously) So I think I’ll try to share some of those old dating stories – when I can remember them.
Meeting a truly fabulous guy tends to wipe out the memories of the inconsequential ones.

Food fit for a dame

In all those years of dating… many men have been impressed with the fact that I eat. Really eat… even on a date. A real meat and potatoes girl. Hardly ever a salad for me. I was never embarrassed to order a big steak, consume the whole dish and never even have to take leftovers home!
Of course I was younger then and somehow able to stay thin and svelte. That may be part of why they were impressed.

A few dates in with Joe, we went to a little chain restaurant one night after we both got off work. I ordered the lemon chicken. It came on a bed of angel hair pasta. It was tasty, but I joked to him that it was one measly chicken breast. If the palm of your hand is supposed be a serving… this bird had some catching up to do.

After I wolfed my ‘meal’ down it was as if I hadn’t.
I must have stared at my empty plate woefully because Joe said, “If you’re still hungry, get something else.”
“Should I?” I hated to appear greedy. And even being a girl who eats… two entrees? Can I do that?

When the waiter slipped by, Joe asked for another menu. He had no problem with my appetite.
Of course the waiter assumed the menu was for Joe. When he came back and I ordered my second dish, he was stunned! I was mortified at the time, but my date was beaming… look at the girl eat!

Yeah... that plate was empty too.

Romantic Gestures

What constitutes a romantic gesture in a relationship?
Something out of the ordinary? Going out of your way to do something you wouldn't mind doing anyway?


It seems something as simple as going to watch his flag football game was enough to earn points as a romantic gesture in his book. Mr. Burns was impressed just that I showed up. It had him smiling sweetly at me all day.

I think maybe I fail to see the little things he does as romantic gestures. I'm not really looking for them... what I would consider romantic are things he's just not going to think of. (Just as I had no idea that showing up for his game was going to have the impact that it did.)


A couple weeks ago when I showed up at his house, Mr. Burns said he had something special to share with me. He opened the fridge and displayed a fresh pomegranate!


I was a bit bewildered as to why this was special... outside of the fact that we're both Midwesterners living in a mountain state - so that makes a pomegranate an exotic fruit. This was a romantic gesture. And as soon as I understood that, I saw just how sweet it was.


Problem was we had no idea what to do with it. I cut it open and we just sat there and stared at it.
I eventually managed to squeeze 3 tablespoons of juice out of it!

He just wanted to share a new experience with me. Here is something I know nothing about... let's figure it out together.
I think that manner of thinking bodes well for the future!

I'm not the Only One!

Christmas is going to be different this year. For the first time in years, I want it to be the sort of Christmas that is truly celebrated as a time of Peace, Joy and Love.

Instead, for the past few years the holiday has felt like nothing more than a deadline to me. That's not how I want to celebrate.
I feel like I'm missing the true meaning of Christmas which is the celebration of the birth our Savior.

Sometimes I envy those with children, because passing on the traditions, the stories and the experiences must help to keep the wonder alive.

Without children, this is what my Christmas looks like...
I just run around for weeks buying gifts for family that I rarely see, (most likely buying them things they don't really want) pile everything into the car, drive for 10-12 hours through midwest winter roads, open gifts and drive back. It's a crazy rush, and it's always a let-down.

Today http://girlfromflorida.blogspot.com/ addressed the issue too:
"We are trying to figure out our holiday plans. My in-laws keep dropping hints, but to be honest, we just don't have the money to fly up there. It just really pisses me off that everyone expects US to travel to THEM. "

Amen sister!
Since I'm the only one in a different state... I'm the one expected to save my ONE WEEK OF VACATION (or one of the two weeks I get now) for the entire year - to drive across a state or two so I can be home with the people who are self-employed (and therefore don't have to give up vacation time) I have never EVER celebrated Christmas at my own home. Or at my own church. No member of my family has ever come to see ME for Christmas!

So this year, I'm not going home for Christmas. I'm not doing it to be stubborn, or to prove a point. No, really.
Just once, I want to celebrate Christmas where I live... instead of rushing to be somewhere else.
I've invited the family to come out here - but that is somehow ridiculous. They won't even consider it.

Last year, when I took my tree and decorations down on the Feast of the Epiphany - it seemed so strange that I even bothered. (see - Shelving the Future - post below) No one even saw my tree - but me. And that's when it hit me. Christmas is supposed to be shared. But I don't have a child, or a husband. Am I supposed to put off truly celebrating the miracle of Christmas until I do have a family?
I don't think so.

I just want to sit in the dark and stare at my Christmas tree lights in silence. I want to go to Midnight Mass. (The family back home goes to the 5:30pm Children's Mass - listening to same horrible, bastardized 'holiday' songs they've been butchering since I was in the youth choir. Ugh and Shudder!)
I want to pour a glass of wine and stare out the window at the new fallen snow, search the sky for the brightest star and feel the Lord surround me with his love. The Son of God made flesh to dwell with us here on earth.
I want to really contemplete the meaning of Christmas - instead of dwelling in the ruckus of my brother's kid's and their friends tearing open presents in a greedy rush.

So this year, I'm embracing my excuse - Mr. Burns and I are flying out to San Fran for my dear friend's wedding on Dec 17th. He's using the last bit of his vacation days to go with me. His family gets together for Thanksgiving, and he stays here for Christmas anyway.

Last year, I prayed for someone with whom to share the joy of Christmas... and I feel that God has answered that prayer.

So when I broke the news to Mom - I explained that we'd just be getting back from a trip when I would be jumping in the car to drive to Nebraska and instead of rushing like that, I would just stay in Denver for Christmas. I also leaned on the expense of two trips - excuse.
I expected a cryfest - but she surprised me by saying, "Yes. You should stay and have Christmas with Mr. Burns."

Yeah... she's just thrilled that I finally have a boyfriend!!
I was surprised and thrilled that we didn't have to have a drag-out fight about it.

A few weeks later I was talking with my 17-year old niece. She asked if I would be home for Thanksgiving. I asked if Grandma told her about Christmas. No. What?

Well, Mom and Dad understand but my niece is mad at me. I'm messing with her 'tradition'. She has no idea how much our tradition has changed. Her dad (my brother) is responsible for most of the changes that ruined my tradition.

My new tradition... takes a line or two from the the song Colorado Christmas by the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band.
"The closest thing to heaven on this planet anywhere
Is a quiet christmas morning in the Colorado snow"

This year, I want to experience that for myself.

Yeah, like I said...

This second job has become way more trouble than it's worth.

As I was explaining the latest point of drama to Mr. Burns he reiterated his position, "I really think you should quit. I hate for you to be miserable."

"I know," I replied. "I will. But I kind of enjoy complaining about it."

"Yes. Like I said, you really need to quit."

Or - he's in trouble with his wife

Just one of the many hilarious quotes found on http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/

No More Montessori School for You, Young Lady

Mom - about man on train with flowers: Awww, he has flowers. They're probably for his girlfriend.
Eight-year-old daughter: Mom, you never know! They could be for a boy.
--LIRR

Big Day 'O Fun -or- How to Get World Series Tickets

11:10 am
I’ve been on the internet for about an hour and 10 minutes… trying to get the server to work in my favor and grant me tickets to Game 5 of the World Series to be held here in Denver.

The sale opened at 10:00am and from 10 to 11:00 I kept getting kicked off the server.

The local news came on at 11:00. They were live with two computer geeks who have had just as much success as I. That - at least- is reassuring.
The news team asked for viewers to email or call and share their success stories. No success stories – everyone it seems - is in my boat.
Apparently, no one has managed to get tickets by the end of the newscast at Noon.

12:40
Forty minutes later, the station breaks in with a live news conference with the Rockies Communications Director. The server had 8 million hits in the first 40 minutes. The server is down. They managed to sell 17 tickets!!! This is brilliant!

Oh, they were confident that their server could handle the volume of traffic today. Really? REALLY?!! You thought your server could handle 8 million hits in less than an hour?!?!?!?! Is there anyone who uses a computer on your staff?

Personally, I don’t know squat about computers. I believe the internet is wonderful, mysterious and somewhat magical… but even I am fairly certain that I wouldn’t have counted on any server to handle the volume for World Series ticket sales!!

Now, please realize that the internet is the only option for tickets. Uh huh. Brilliant. No standing in line at the stadium for tickets. No. It’s more fair, they say, that everyone battle the same dragon (a slayed server in this case).

Luckily, I have the day off.

1:20

I’ve been cycling through the links to get on the server… and finally, I’m in the updating hold page. Could this mean the server is back up?

1:57
I’ve managed to stay on the server. I haven’t been kicked off since prior to 1:20. I’m on a countdown screen that I can only assume will take me to ticket sales once there’s an opening.
Or, I’m wasting my time and have lost my chance.

2:10
The local news station said they’d break in when the server is back up… and they haven’t. But I’m staying on the screen assuming that I’m holding my place in line.

Why is this so important? It’s not really. But I figure attending a World Series Game in your own city is pretty much a Once-In-A-Lifetime deal.
And I imagine most other people have had to get back to their jobs, so I may actually have a shot at winning Best Girlfriend Ever.

Update: The website didn't bother to inform any of us that the server crashed. So I apparantly wasted several hours trying to do the impossible.
The next day, Mr. Burns tried. No tickets. But the Rocks can barely get a hit anyway so...

How Can I Keep From Singing?

Well, being choked with tears makes it hard!


Last Sunday Mr. Burns and I went to Mass at his Church so he could lector.
I really enjoy attending Mass with him - something I couldn't do with other men that I've dated.

We are both susceptible to being very moved by the music - so when the choir announced the last song of the mass, "How Can I Keep from Singing" I broke into a broad smile and whispered, "This is a good one, but I can't get through it without crying."

Now, Mr. Burns suffers the same affliction with other songs so he understood. But I barely made it to "lamentation" only the 10th word in the song! and already my eyes were welled up!

My life flows on in endless song
Above earth's lamentation

Mr. Burns glanced at me and soon there were streams down his face! I elbowed him and asked, "Why are you crying?" And as we both wiped tears away, suddenly we couldn't control our laughter. People must have thought we were nuts!

Later he told me that just seeing me react to the strong emotion of the song set him off and he couldn't help it.
Now I wonder if the next time the choir fires that song up.... whether I'll cry or laugh!

This is my favorite line....

No storm can shake my inmost calm,
While to that rock I'm clinging.
Since love is lord of heaven and earth
How can I keep from singing?


And that's usually where I lose it - at the refrain.
It's so beautiful, I want it played at my funeral.

Tough on him?

At what point to standards become too tough - or too loose? Just how far should you go to accept another's shortcomings, or go to lengths to make up for them?

There's a 20 year old woman at my new job - who just got promoted to manager of another location. I only just met her and she seems to be good at her job, takes things seriously and so forth at least as far as work is concerned.

Since the sudden promotion has her working at a new location the plan she and her new boyfriend had in place to work in the same area and share a car is now defunct.

Three of us women were discussing it, she said her BF thinks she should take the bus to her new job and he'll take the car. She explained that the logistics actually make it easier for him to take public transport - and our manager emphasized that as part of the promotion - she has an obligation and expectation to be at work on time, and able to travel between stores.

When the fact that it was HER car came up - I declared no contest - she gets to take the car! When she mentioned they've only been dating (never mind KNOWN each other) for two months... I said, "Forget it... he doesn't even get KEYS to the car!"

Well, tonight I met the BF. He seems to be a good enough guy - as young as she is... and as it came up that they are living together he said to me, "I'm sure you'd have the same thing to say about it as everyone else."

Yeah, he's right. Never mind that I would never live with a man I wasn't married to - but AFTER two months?!?!!? Are ya kidding? I didn't want to be preachy, so I didn't even mention that Mr. Burns and I have been dating nearly 8 months and haven't even slept together.

I did say that I've never lived with a man - and wouldn't unless he were my husband. He replied, "Well yeah, at your age." I don't even know what that means!

My real concern is what happened at the end of our shift. I had been practicing with the camera and took several photos of her. There were some she didn't want him to see -- he grabbed her wrists. When she broke free, he grabbed the camera by the lens - and that's when my instinct took over.
"Hey! Never forceably grab a camera by the lens! I'm trained to protect a camera and I'll take you down." I tried to use a kidding voice, but I meant to make my feelings clear about forceable grabbing - and respect - mostly in association with people but using the camera as an example.

I think they both just decided I was a hard*ss - so I backed off a bit.

She was closing up the shop for the evening and he kept horsing around, which I think is inappropriate for work. (but I'm 37 and they're 20 so I tried to account for the difference) He grabbed her wrists a couple more times while horseplaying - but now it has me concerned.

Grabbing someone's wrists is the easiest way to make them powerless. I find it disturbing that he's so quick to do such a thing. Am I just being an old fart?

Anyway, back to the question at the top of this post.
The day after I told this girl that she - no contest - gets the car and that he shouldn't even have a set of keys - she reported telling him that I would have dumped him already!
I realized then that I must have come off a bit gruff.

But I also told Mr. Burns about it and he agrees with me... no way does that loser get the keys! Mr. Burns took it a step further, saying she's setting herself up to get used. If he asks for the world and you give him that and the moon, why should he stop there?

The more I think about explaining this, the more I hear all those voices that told me throughout the years (when I said I wouldn't put up with this, and I wouldn't put up with that...) "Well, that's why you're alone. That's why you don't have a boyfriend."

Really? Is it worth it to accept disrespect and lousy treatment just to have a guy to smooch on? I think that's just an excuse that gets lousy guys laid. People who don't hold themselves to high standards don't want to be compared to those who do, now do they?

Hmmm. I'm rather proud of the fact that my standards were too high to settle for a man who would use me or take advantage of me. Whether it was about a car, cash or sex... I've always expected more of a man.

I just want to plant a seed with this young woman (who is clearly in the twitterpaited stage of this relationship and eager to please) that it's okay to expect repect. She deserves it. She should be getting something out of this relationship too.

Thoughts? Am I fuddyduddy? Am I making too much of his grabbing?

Talk About a Strange Favor!!

Let me start by explaining that most of my friends know about my interest in photography. A few have asked me to shoot their engagement pictures or weddings and they tell me they are happy with the results.
So I'm not too surprised when someone asks for a photo favor, and typically I'm happy to do it.

Yesterday a good guy friend emails me asking for a favor. When I call to find out what, he explains that a friend of his is celebrating her 40th birthday soon and their mutual friend is organizing a group gift. It seems most of these friends are rather athletic and have these sports and activities in common. So they are making a photo calendar of each of the guys with their sporting equipment... nekkid!!! ... with strategically obscured body parts!!!

What a great idea! Yes, this guy is asking me to photograph him nekkid. He was appropriately uncomfortable with the question and explained that he spent some time deliberating over who to ask to do it! He was fairly sure I'd be willing, and appropriately discreet (so don't look for the results here later!)

He's a cyclist - so I'm wondering just how we'll obscure the goods. The other part of the equation is that, although I'm willing to take this on... I think it's only fair to run it by Mr. B (though I think from now on I'll call him Mr. Burns). I was quite certain that Mr. Burns would be fine with it - but in the event that he's not - he should be given the opportunity to ask me NOT to spend time with a nekkid guy.

So, I ran it by him. His response? "That doesn't bother me. Just don't turn this into a career in pornography. And if you do... I want a cut!"

Going Strong

Wow. It's been quite a while since I've been able to post. That whole change to a Gmail account caused a snafu for me. Apparently I'm the only one. Figures.

So. My last post was about meeting guy number three. He quickly broke ranks and is now my number one guy!! (Second to God of course)
It's been seven months and I'm just so happy to have him in my life.

My advice to anyone out there still waiting to find love... don't give up. Don't compromise your standards. In fact, raise those standards!! You'll be amazed by what God has in store for you! God is so good and He knows exactly what we need. Sometimes it takes a while for Him to get it all together.

About a month ago I noticed that Mr. B (I guess that's what I'll call him here) seemed to be getting a bit uncomfortable as he seemed to think that I had this relationship all wrapped up. I know that he needs time to evaluate everything. I was right. He told me that it freaks him out a little that I seem so sure. I had to explain that appearances can be decieving.

I told him that I spent YEARS praying for God to make me ready for the man who will be my husband... and in turn to make him ready for me. Clearly preparing a man for me is no easy task, as it took the Good Lord.... He who created the heavens and earth in seven days... 36.5 years to get a man ready for me!

Regardless, after all that prayer and many, many years and no husband as of yet, I decided to cut a deal with God. Hands clenched in prayer, I bargained with God; "If you don't have a husband for me, or if it's going to take still more time to prepare him for me... can I at least have a boyfriend?"

I was just so weary of being alone! I am blessed with many wonderful friends, male and female... and I keep quite busy keeping up and catching up with everyone. Still, I was just so tired of coming home to an empty condo. I wanted so badly to have someone to talk to at the end of the day. It came down to finding a boyfriend or getting a cat. I'm allergic to cats.

So I asked God for a boyfriend if my husband wasn't ready. Continuing my prayer I said, "Even if we date for years and never get married! I just can't be alone any more! I know that I'm still asking for a very special man. Someone who has strong faith. Someone who will understand that sex is for marriage, and in respect to that, won't pressure me like these men I have been dating. They're wearing me down God, and I know you don't want that."

I had to tell Mr. B this story of my prayer life. And I did so in tears - which surprised me more than it did him.

I told him not to get too comfortable or worried about my feeling sure about things. The fact is Mr. B, I don't know which prayer you are the answer to!!

You and God together will have to show me.

I'm a Serial Dater

This year I enlisted my friends to help me with my New Year's Resolution.

I sent out a mass email to nearly everyone in my address book explaining that I have been alone for far too long and I clearly need some help meeting men outside my current social circle.
To do that, I've asked everyone to introduce me to one man this year.

I was afraid it smacked of desperation, until I asked a good guy friend what he thought of my email... and he replied, "No. It smacked of 'I'm serious and I'm asking for your help.'"
At least my friends know me well!

So, it's week 5 of 2007 and my friends are holding up their end of the deal. I've been introduced to three new guys so far. That's a pretty good ratio.

The first one was a pretty hot bald guy. I could be interested but he was a bit shy. Based on my interest level - pursuit would have to come from him.

Meanwhile, I went out with a guy I met on New Year's Eve... and have had a few dates with a guy I met last year.

Then the second one was last night. Also a nice guy, but my gut tells me that his redneck rural background (same as mine, but I moved to the city for a reason) is going to be a dealbreaker.

I hate to jinx anything here... but it could be ... three's a charm!

L and J had a Super Bowl Party tonight and L enlisted her hubby to invite someone for me. A guy he 'sorta' works with and whom she doesn't really know. She reported that all J would offer by way of description was, "He's cute." which concerned her as she's not sure about her husband's taste in men.

When I arrived, artichoke dip in hand... L ushered me downstairs as quickly as possible... whispering "he IS cute." and promptly made the introduction. Then she scurried back upstairs after witnessing our reactions and told J, "I think we made a love connection."

Ha! Let's not get ahead of ourselves! But here's the ranking... Catholic.. (youngest of 8 children) Engineer... kinda cute... VERY NICE ! We had an instant... "Hey, I like you" sort of rapport, and spent a lot of time talking.

I left in the fourth quarter for another party - he got my number and told me that he's excited that I'm Catholic... it's really important to him.

Hmmm. I think this will be the first practicing Catholic that I've ever dated. Check that, he won't call until later next week. Has a work trip.

But when I left the party L made a point of saying... "Invite us to the wedding!" Ha! Way to jinx it L!

At any rate, a lot of people teased me that I'd be the serial dater... but I have stressed that the goal is to eliminate the need for introductions as soon as possible!

I'm aiming for summer. But sooner is better.

Shelving the Future

I take my Christmas Tree down on the feast of the Epiphany (The celebration of the Three Wise Men reaching the baby Jesus under yonder star - Jan 6th ) just like my mom always did.

As I sat upon the floor, carefully wrapping all those ornaments for another years’ storage, I thought how sad it is that they only get a few weeks to show off every year.

I have so much fun rediscovering them when I decorate the tree. When I went away to college, Santa started to leave Winnie-the-Pooh ornaments in my stocking each Christmas. I have quite a collection now, and they are all so charming I smile like a fool as I take each one out of it's box.

Most of my other ornaments are variations on snowmen. So cute and jolly, I can even remember where I was when I found each one. Sometimes I pick them up on vacation, so they do hold significant meaning and memories.

There is another category of ornaments made up of gifts. Gleaned as souvenirs from trips my friends have made. One is from the Church staff where I once taught CCD class. Another signifying the anniversary of the work on Crazy Horse Memorial, was given to me by Ruth Ziolkowski, wife of the original sculptor of the mountain, Korczak.

Surely, everyone has sentimental feelings for their ornaments. I had the same feeling when I helped my mom decorate the tree as a little girl. Tonight, that’s where my thoughts seemed to dwell.

I thought, “How can these trinkets be so special when they are only special to me? This experience, awash with memories…it’s meant to be shared.” So as I tucked one more Pooh Bear along with Tigger into it’s original collector’s box, I made a little wish on the star they are holding: Maybe it was more of a statement of confidence… “Next year, I’ll have someone to share these with.”

Happy New Year!!! 2007

Three New Dating Rules (for men)

I'm having an ongoing debate with a guy friend of mine. We discuss our dating woes, and turn to each other to figure out just what the other gender is thinking!

He keeps quoting the movie 'Swingers'

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0117802/

The movie follows an unfortunate fellow as he tries to get over his last girl. He meets another woman and asks his friend when he should call her. The response, "Two days is the industry standard. I think four is kinda money."

I believe this scene as well as some unfortunate books have perpetuated a dating syndrome called, "Contact Idiocy"

Everyone is making grand efforts not to appear too eager. Guys want to 'play it cool'.

Everyone is waiting two days or more to return phone calls, thinking they don't want to look pathetic! It's ridiculous! Just make contact. It's the only way to move forward.

Here's the latest example of what has happened to me:
I meet a guy that I was introduced to on eHarmony. We have dinner. It's nice. I'm actually pleasantly surprised. He's better looking than his photo, he's a gentleman and easy to talk to. After the date, I send an email thanking him for dinner and mentioning a couple things I like about him.

A day later he responds via email that we should go out again. He writes that he'll call me to set a date. A week later, NOTHING! Finally he calls and leaves a message on my cell phone. I listen to the message thinking, "Who's Joe*?" Then it comes back to me.

All my friends advised me to wait two days to return his call. (I don't want to play games -but they are married and I'm not so I figure I'll do as they say)

I leave a message two days later. After two more days, I leave another saying, "We're having a hard time reaching each other. Thought I'd make an effort."

ARGH! So, from first date to making a second date... THREE WEEKS! Wow! Way to woo me!

So here are some tips for men.
1) If you are ACTUALLY interested in a woman - Call her! And call her promptly. (within two days - I'll explain below) Don't worry about playing it cool. I don't know anyone who got the girl by 'playing it cool'.

"Faint heart never won fair lady." words written for Don Quioxte in the 1500s. You don't have to reinvent the wheel.

2) And this is a biggie. When you meet a woman... DON'T say, "I'll call you." Just don't say it. It means nothing to us. We don't believe you anyway.
Don't say it. If you do call, great! That's a nice surpise. We weren't expecting your call to begin with.
I'll make an exception here for a guy who knows that he's smitten and IS ACTUALLY GOING TO CALL HER. If you know - beyond a shadow of a doubt that you want to and WILL call her, go ahead and say so. But now you HAVE to call.
Here's the thing guys. We know that 'I'll call you.' is just what you say to end the conversation. You're feeling awkward and it just falls out of your mouth. Let the awkward silence stand. It's not as awkward as it feels. NEVER say I'll call you.

3) If you want to call a girl to ask her out, act quickly. Don't wait more than a week. The key here is to make an impression on her before your phone call prompts this thought, "Tom? Who's Tom?" "James? James? Do I know a James?"
You see, if we're interested in you we're thinking about you. For a couple days. Then we start thinking about the next guy on the roster. Call us WHILE we're still thinking about you.

Here's an example of how it works:
I remember meeting a guy who was awfully cute but I thought, much younger than I. He asked for my number and said he'd call - so naturally I dismissed him completely.
Within the week, I get a phone call. "Hi. This is Ben." In my head I'm thinking, "Who the Hell is Ben?"
I had only met him 5 days before. He was doing everything right, but I had already washed him out of my head because he said he would call - so I was sure that I would never hear from him.

We did go out and had a lovely time. We're still friends four years later.

Table for One?

I'm very lucky to have a great job for an employer who sends me all over the country with a generous expense account. I enjoy seeking out restaurants unique to the city I'm visiting (No Applebee's and other chains for me!)

The downside to this great fortune is that I often find myself dining alone.

It's rather tedious to while away the time in a restaurant watching other tables receive their food, or overhearing the conversations at nearby tables. In a casual or fast food restaurant I wouldn't hesitate to pull out a book or a newspaper, or even a laptop computer if I had one.

However, in a finer dining establishment, it seems boorish to stick my nose in a book or spread a newspaper on the table. (While it might be a good use of time to catch up with friends or with my mother, I wouldn't think of using my cell phone in such a situation.)

What do you all think? Is it acceptable to entertain oneself by reading in this setting? Or is it perfectly rude?

To add further consternation to the dilemma, I would hate to give the impression to some handsome and delightful single gentleman, that I'd be adverse to striking up a conversation. Or from having any other charming solo diner join me for a meal. (This is rare I know, but I have been fortunate in the past. The prerequisite, hinging on the stranger being delightful!)

Any suggestions for passing the time other than reading and rereading the specials? Or possibly tinkering with the candle on the table?

Oh I'm Sorry, Did YOU Settle?

My friend Nikki read me this advice column over the phone. It's from "Tell Me About It: Carolyn Hax" Sydicated column.
We are both thrilled to have an arsenal of answers to the undying question:

Carolyn:
I am a woman in my thirties who has never been married. I have no intention of getting married until I find the right person. I get many questions as to why I am not married, and people often answer their own question with remarks like, "There must be something wrong with you." What is that supposed to mean? Please help me give an appropriate answer so I won't look like a deer in headlights.

Deer
Those remarks mean you're talking to an idiot. Nothing more.
There are many appropriate answers here -- honest ones (looking like a deer in headlights); raw ones ("What a terrible question"); exasperated ones ("Because something's wrong with me"); hostile ones ("To help you feel superior"); overcompensating ones ("Just lucky, I guess"); confrontational ones ("Why, am I making you nervous?"); non-ones ("Oh my, look at the time!"); rhetorical ones ("Just how small is your world?"); absurd ones ("I'm allergic to buttercream"); straight ones ("I haven't found the right person"). All are appropriate, none are owed, except maybe an "Excuse me," before you walk away.


Nikki's favorite is the rhetorical: "Just how small is your world?"
My favorite, no surprise is the absurd: "I'm Allergic to Buttercream!" Tee Hee!

It's taken me years but I think I've finally formulated an answer of my own. It came about when a bore of a man, poking into other people's business, turned to my business and said, "What about you? Do you have children?" No. "None? Are you married? Have a boyfriend?" No. I don't even have a cat. "Wow. Nothing?! You must be picky."

Now why does that make me picky? We're talking about the rest of my life! I have a right to picky!

Honestly, it took me until the next day. That's when I finally decided that I should have said, "You seem to have a good marriage. Did you settle?"

That's my answer now. "Did you settle? Why should I?"

My next favorite self-composed answer is: "Some people spend their whole lives searching for their better half. I have realized that I'm already complete."

(Source: Tell Me About It, Style, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071 )

Illusions of Grandeur

You’ll find someone the moment you stop looking.

Bull.

I’m so sick of people saying that. You can’t not look. You just can’t.
The people who offer this little ‘wives tale’… um, gee. Yeah. They’re wives. It’s not wisdom. It’s Marriage Amnesia.

Somehow, these people think that’s how they met their Mister Wonderful. Oh, yes. Right. She just stopped looking. Lies. Lies. Much like politicians, wives just re-write history.

Case in point:

A dear friend of mine made this statement. I was visiting her and her wonderful husband after their wedding and baby number one. We were lounging in their living room, drinking wine and reconnecting after at least a year apart, talking of course about my trials in dating.

She said, “I know that I found (my husband)when I finally stopped looking.”*

*sound effect: screeching brakes.

Let me fill you in. We were next-door neighbors for about two years. Much of our time was spent trading updates on dates. I was privy to her step-by-step process of finding Mr. Right. I have accurate, real-time recall. She was definitely looking.

So when she suggested that she discovered her charming and doting hubby when she had stopped looking, I balked. I turned my head toward hubby, we exchanged a knowing look, and I challenged the wife.

“My dear,” I said, “That’s not true.” She was surprised, prepared to challenge my assessment right back. I continued. “You just weren’t looking for him.”

She would have none of it. With a pleading look toward her husband she said, "Is that what you think?”
He jumped right on it. “Absolutely! You definitely weren’t looking for me.”

Then we both reminded her, how she was dismayed at his height – Too short, despite the fact that he’s the exact same height as she. His hairline came into question, as well as his laugh. Which is loud, attention-getting and contagious (read: delightful).

She thought she should have a tall, strapping, hairy, plaid flannel wearing, logger of a man. This man didn’t fit the picture in her mind. On more than one occasion, I told her that if she really didn’t want him, just send him across the hall. He’s one of the best guys myself or my friends had ever encountered.

Now, as she remembers it, she wasn’t looking. The fact is, what she found wasn’t what she thought she was looking for.


Don’t listen to anyone who tells you stop looking. We’ll all stop looking when we stop breathing. Or when we get married. Whichever comes first.

Now, I do agree with the suggestion to involve yourself in other pursuits. Don't just sit around waiting for a man. Delve into your interests, develop your character, be interesting in the process. Yes, that's preferable and admirable.

But you can be really busy... and still be looking for good man.

Ain't No Prince Charming

My niece told me that I really need to get married.

Oh my.

I asked her why she thought so, worrying that she had some outdated, childish fairytale notion.

Imagine my surprise when she replied, "Because I want another uncle."
I laughed and said, "Well that's the best reason I've heard yet. You're going to have to be patient though, because I want to be sure you get the coolest, most fun uncle. After all, this is the only one we get to pick out."

She agreed, pointing out that her existing uncles are sub-par. One of them is very close to her own age, and the other, on her mother's side is a pretty lame fellow who doesn't really spend any time with her and her brother and sister.

"Well then, you must agree that I need to be careful about who I choose. He needs to be fun, and nice and interesting to make up for your other uncles."

Oh. She agrees wholeheartedly. So there you go guys. You're not just wooing me, you have to be good enough for my niece.

No pressure.

Yep - Lost Another One

It seems that society has picked up a damning trend from television dramas and sitcoms. It's the Third Date Rule. A completely preposterous rule which suggests that a couple ought to be having sex by the third date. In real life it factors out to the third or FOURTH - but it's still ridiculous!

You see, in a television drama, or situation comedy, or even a movie... it's not that interesting to watch a romance unfold, for say - months. And typically they have to break up anyway to keep the show interesting. So, rather than make the audience invest in a guest starring character... they just propell the romance and make the characters sleep together early on so that they can break up over something stupid like... He snores. Or what the hell was that with his toes!? Funny funny stuff.

I believe in some warped way, people saw this unfold on TV over the past decade or so, and somehow figured (because there are really stupid people out there) that must be how it is in real life. As a result, there are plenty of hoochie mammas out there - having sex with guys they barely know - on a third date!

This is rationalized with some idea that it's better to figure out if the sex is good before you invest in an actual relationship.

These bozos are poisoning the dating pool!!! Ack! Ack Ack!
Now, here I am... a nice girl... competing with women who are poisoning the dating pool. Yep, some guys expect the mother load before even investing any time to get to sorta know me.

Exhibit 938. The last guy I dated. I liked him. A real nice guy, who on our first date told me how he loves weddings and that when his family asks him when is he ever going to get married... his answer is; "I'm working on it." Cute answer I think. But he's not really working on it. Because if he were working on it, he would invest some time with a girl like me but instead....

Well, we had some lovely dates. As I said, I liked him but I wasn't feeling the Zsa Zsa Zu as they say. But I'm thinking he's a great guy and I ought to see what's there. We had some nice dates, then one really great date. I introduced him to my favorite pizza place, which he loved, and then we played pool for the rest of the evening. I really enjoyed that because it revealed a lot about our personalities through sportsmanship. Is he competitive? Can he stand losing to a girl? He can see how competitive I am... all that good stuff. Very revealing. So seeing a new side to him, I begin to like him a little more. We went home and smooched for a bit... then we smooched a little on his bed. Okay... my mistake but when I stopped him from trying to go further....

Never heard from him again! I left him a voicemail, he replied with a voicemail... then I ended up VMing him again... and that was it. Poof - fell off the stinking Earth! (see another man falls off the planet - below)

Whatever. But let's consider this. Life is not a television drama. What can you really know about someone after three dates to justify sharing your body and the most intimate act that God gave us to share? I can't think of anything.

As one friend pointed out... you don't even know each other's middle name. (Frankly, I still couldn't pronounce his LAST name!)
More to the point, I'm thinking - by date 3 or 4 - you've not even bothered to spend a Saturday afternoon with me. You don't know that strands of my hair shine like gold in the afternoon sun. Do you know what color my eyes are? Do you even know that my laugh becomes a snort if you're REALLY funny?

More MORE to the point... Do you know whether I use birth control or not? Whether or not I have a STD? Whether my insurance plan even covers pregnancy and delivery? Give me a freaking break!

Now, it's not like I'm a prude, or I don't like sex or something crazy like that. It's just that I respect sex. It's important. No matter how many people say it's no big deal.

But, my favorite example is the guy I dated over a year ago... not very good looking but he seemed to think I was fabulous so ... based on his brilliance ... I had to give him a shot. We had fun dates and he was a great kisser.
After four dates he went in for the kill. When I had to brush him off, he was shocked. SHOCKED!
His argument? "Sex on the fourth date is pretty standard." Oh. Well, I've changed my mind then. Moron. Actually my first thought was... "What kind of women are sleeping with you? You're not even hot!" I know, that's mean. But I didn't actually say it!

But it is true that some/many women will give it a shot with a really hot guy - Smoking hot guy - just for the experience. I'm not one of them, but I can understand the appeal. But Dude. This guy wasn't even close to hot... and I want to know who the hell is putting out for him!?!?!?

I wish I could say I never saw him again... but I have run into him and social circles and always feel like I have to go home and boil myself to get the creepy off.

Standards ladies. Can we please enforce some freaking standards?